That doesn't say "Married Woman", just "woman." :grin: Good one, though, sir. Pun, I'm waiting, man. What are the drawbacks? Now I'm intrigued.
lack of privacy, joint checking accounts, trying to stay together JUST because you're married, in-laws, divorce. what are the benefits?
I don't see those as drawbacks, but thanks for answering, Lil Pun :grin: . Why would those be drawbacks? When you marry, you're agreeing to have JOINT everything... that's NOT a drawback. Why are you having "privacy" with the one you love? Why would you NOT share money? I don't get it. Looks like some people want to have their cake and eat it, too... don't they? You are with the one YOU WANT to be with and show her (or him, in some states) that you mean business. Also, it shows you can commit, keep a promise, maintain a union the way it's supposed to be, etc., etc. There are lots more.
Didn't read the whole thread, but if I were in Lil Pun's position and someone asked me that, I'd simply tell them to f**k off and mind their own business. I personally stopped giving a sh** what anyone thought about the way I lived my private life right around 21 years of age. The only path that is correct to take is your path. I got married at 20, divorced at 22 and not long after my divorce, I met the love of my life. I told her when we started dating that I never wanted to get married again. We dated for five years before I popped the question. Did she pressure me? Not at all. Would we still be together had we not gotten married? I have no doubt that we would. What prompted me to finally ask her to get hitched? No idea. One day, after 5 or so years, I woke up and decided that we needed to take a vacation. I booked us a trip to New York City, with nothing else in mind but taking a vacation with the woman I love. About a month before our trip, it just struck me... I want to marry that girl. I want to sign a contract that tells the world that we are a team. I want to metaphorically scream to the masses that I love this woman and don't ever want to love another person like I love her. Long story short, it was suddenly right. We've been married almost two years now, and I can't imagine being as happy as I am right now, today.
I was married before 30 but wish I hadn't done it. Wrong person, couldn't quite put together why I had so many misgivings until after it was too late to change the deed. The marriage that I started after 30 has been a lot better... at the same time, my husband still isn't quite 30 yet so hopefully it wasn't too early for him. A lot of people take time to find the right person, mature, and settle. No point in putting a time frame on what you expect.
Do you want children? How much do you enjoy alone time? Could sharing your finances (and EVERYTHING else) with another person bother you? (Think hard about this one.) How well do you like her family? These are just the start of the questions you need to ask yourself before committing to a woman for "life". I'm 48, never married and for the most part my life got happier when I finally made up my mind NOT to get married. Its like the pressure is off. I get to: Live where I want how I want. Spend my money where and when I want. Spend my time in interests doing what I want. (Like Rockets games!) Variety is the spice of life. In short, no compromising on all the little things in life. Also, being alone does not equate to unhappiness for me. It is a relief actually to experience at home due to the nature of my job. Thats not to say there aren't trade offs. I won't have children or a wife looking after me when I get old and wrinkled. Alone time is not always a good thing...(Holidays suck). The obvious benefits of readily available female companionship. If you are the only son, the family name ends with you.
Sometimes I imagine a selfish life where I can live alone in the middle of nowhere, no one to consider but me and how I want everything to be ..just me and the guns, a log cabin & an abundance of land, but then I realize all the good family has brought to me, (especially the kids) ...everybody has to make a choice & there is no right or wrong, but what is important to each person...
Also worth consideration, most of my friends that married before or around 30 have already divorced or are in the process of divorcing. My parents married at 21 and had three children within 5 years. When they were 26 they had an acrimonious divorce. My father married again once and is still married. My mother is on her fourth marriage, which has held up about 11 years. So all that has had a rather profound effect on my outlook.
my plan is to establish myself in my career, have fun, become reasonably well off, buy a house, and then when I feel it terribly necessary to settle down (hitting my 30's, looks going downhill) look for someone who has similar goals and dreams of becoming DINKs without marriage. prenup? we don't need a prenup, baby, or a piece of paper. i'm not financially dependent on you in any way, nor are you on me, so we're together for the right reasons. if you wanna leave, or feel like cheating, you're free to go! sorry, i know a lot of people are behind the "marriages are super hard work but it's worth it" but i don't feel any relationship is worth having to WORK so hard. if there are kids involved i guess it's a different story. and just for the record, I know a lot of miserable married people and a lot of happy married people. the happy ones not ONLY were happy in life BEFORE they met their significant other (HUGE thing right there), but they married their best friend, whose personality they click so well with they would have been friends anyway. other than occasional communication issues, they don't have to work tirelessly at it. i think the secret to being happy in an LTR is maintaining your independence.
Seeing a lot of guys who prefer being single on this thread. I guess -and I can't speak for y'all - do men in general not get as lonely and not feel the need for people around them? (meaning company in general, not just access to lady parts) Or is it just a thing with different personalities? I know I hate being by myself for more than about 30 minutes.
Pretty much why I haven't answered the question because no answer I give you will be a drawback for you and/or your's. That's fine just remember everybody has their own opinion so what may be glorious and awesome to you may be a drawback for somebody else, it doesn't really matter what it is. I like how a few of you has made ASSumptions already based on my response. Ms. Pun is not sitting here waiting, begging or dreaming of the day we get married. We've been together 10 years folks, you think we haven't discussed it? Plenty of times and she often quips when we do "What wold change besides my last name?" and for those of you who want to lambaste her as simple minded based on that one remark, look up the word quip. How exactly am I or anybody else in my situation "having our cake and eating it too?" Please elaborate. Also, showing the one you want to be with that you mean business through marriage, that you can commit, keep a promise, maintain a commitment, etc. seems short sighted to me. What, you didn't mean it before you were married? You couldn't keep a promise before you were married? You were so weak willed you needed it in writing and legal to maintain a commitment? Guess what, we don't and it works out just fine for us and has been for a decade now which is a lot damn longer than a lot of these so-called strong commitments and promises, otherwise known as marriages, last today. I mean, it's almost like if your in a long-term relationship but not married well hey, guess what married people are better than you. My marriage proves that I am a man, I can stay committed, maintain promises, mean business, blah, blah, blah. You and your long term relationship shows you're weak willed and looking for the next snatch parade to march through town because you want to have you cake and eat it too. Look, I am not against marriage and never have been. If marriage is right for you and your SO, then great, go for it and be happily married just don't try to shove it down my or anybody else's throat that we have to be married to prove something to ourselves or everybody else. If I did that, I'd say I am getting married for the wrong reason.
I'm 30 in and the same boat. The older I get the less I like people, I'm pretty picky when it comes to women so that usually makes me decide not to take relationships very far. When I was younger I wanted the "American Dream" kids, wife, suburbs, now I think I'll wait. My parents had me when they were 18/19 and I was old enough to see the strain it put on them in their late 20's, I would rather have my **** straight, enjoy my life in the meantime, then do the family thing later.
I think it's just the thread title, it's going to attract more single guys over 30 than anything, and if you're still single then you're probably used to not always having a woman by your side. However, i think men have a larger window, about 5-6 years more, than women because usually the man is older in relationships. A women's 30 is a man's 35, so men can enjoy being single longer.
It depends on the person, I have guy friends that cant go 6 months without a relationship, others that go years. The ones that go years usually end up in better relationships, the ones that don't have been married and divorced at least once. I have a female roommate, sometimes its great having someone around, sometimes i cant stand it. Personally for me I would rather live with someone like 3 days a week and have the place to myself the rest of the time. For me it depends on if I can keep myself busy, if i have stuff to do, i dont get lonely, if im bored I would prefer to have someone around.
I'm soon to be 34 on V-Day. I can't speak for all guys, but I can say I feel the same way as well. That's the one thing I miss about my marriage was the companionship... someone you share day to day life with... talk with, make decisions and do things together. I'm in a 2.5+ year relationship now and my GF is a damn good woman. But, because of circumstances (living arrangements, children, etc), we don't have much time to spend together and can't share that type of companionship. So, I don't have real chance to see if this is something that would work day in and day out in a marriage for the long haul, which is what I would want to feel REALLY confident in before going down the isle again.
