I wouldn't have driven her home either, and I wouldn't want to date a girl who couldn't understand the reasoning behind that choice.
So basically, if this actually turned from something like a first or second date into more of a relationship, you didn't want driving her home to become a steady routine. I agree with the others that if you don't like the girl enough to pick her up or drive her home, you probably shouldn't date her. Even if you don't like her THAT much now, if you see it potentially growing into that, you should've driven her home. Now, if you didn't see any real longer term potential, but thought she was OK and cool, then it might've been worth it to put her on the train and chance it that she wouldn't take offense. If she did and didn't want to see you again, no sweat off your back because you weren't that into her anyway. But you have to be aware of that possibility. If you cared enough about developing something more, you should've driven her home. If you don't really care one way or the other, you were OK with putter her on the train. So if you're upset she won't return your calls, then you screwed up.
Did you see a future with this girl? Could you imagine her as your wife? I guess it could be a crazy question to guys, but a lot of times women can judge whether there's a future to the relationship on the first date. By the way you describe her, it doesn't seem like you're that into her. Maybe she thought about it and felt your personalities didn't click. If she was just looking to date and have fun, I'd definitely say she was being unreasonable. Nothing annoys me more than a grand sense of entitlement during a first date. In the dating game, chivalry really is dead, and a fool's game honestly. But, if you wanted to set yourself apart as a guy she could see herself with or the long run, you would have driven her home. Why WOULDN'T you want to have an extra 45 minutes with someone you really, really dig? She's thinking, if he really digs me, why WOULDN'T he want an extra 45 minutes to talk and bond? I don't know one truly happy married couple who felt anything but INSTANT chemistry when the first met/dated the other person. They would have done anything to get more time with the other person. That's unfortunately how our minds work. "If he REALLY cared about me he would have..." Admittedly at times it's a slippery slope...
What you should have done was call Xerobull to drive her home in an Armored Car and call in King Cheetah and CaseyH as a Personal Security Detail.
I agree with some. But this is opinion people, this lady does not speak for all females. (can I add that?)
Man, we have some true gentleman on Clutchfans. You could have driven her home without looking like a complete pushover as some have alluded to. An hour and a half plus the cost of gas is a lot to sacrifice, but it was the right thing to do (especially after a good date). I think most women still like to have sense of security with a man, and sending her packing on public transit at midnight is the complete opposite of that. I don't know how old you are, but the bright side is you won't be dating someone who lives that far away and with her parents. Though maybe that would've been an easy excuse to get her to stay at your place on future dates.
Maybe you should have offered her to come back to your place and you would take her home in the morning *grin* Rocket River
Damn, I feel sorry for the women of today. Such low expectations. I don't have a daughter, but my bro-in-law has a teenage niece and he tells her that if a guy on a date doesn't treat her like a lady (open the door for her, etc.) text him and he'll come pick her up and take her home.
It seems that if it were up to your brother in law your niece would never marry. Always opening building doors? sure, opening car doors? I only do that for my grandmother.
Or, maybe she was totally cool with it, but her parents found out you sent her home on the train and tried to talk her out of seeing you again. Eventually they just had her convinced. You know parents... "You're my little Angel, you only deserve a man who drops you off, kisses you on the hand, and shakes my hand on the first date." (ugh) It could just be parental pressure. It happens.
Not true, many of my college friends and I did that for all the time and still do that. Though I went to A&M, and to get some of the girls used to "Corp hospitality", you have to do that.
Good to have a female perspective here. Let me ask you something, FB- did the OP's 'I'm so sorry' shift the perspective of his date? Did it put the focus on 'hell yes he should have given me a ride' when it was possibly not there before? After all, first dates shouldn't hold expectations. I think his mistake was taking ownership in not driving her. If he would have kept his mouth shut, the emphasis would have been on the actual date, IMO.
You should say that to your son, too. That he should treat women like ladies, I mean. I shall say that to my daughters, too. I tell them that every gentleman does gentleman-like things. Agree with all this. Also, he could probably end it early and keep her as a friend, or she could just "recommend him" as a friend to other peeps... you know? He would have gotten so much real REP by doing the gentleman thing... but, nooOOoOOoo gas is sooOOOOOoooOOOo expensive...
Well, it's what we have to work with...and if you saw how many of my friends have been burned by women stringing them along for their "chivalry", you would understand (men do it too...just with sex). But a smart woman knows there's a difference in...preferences...when it comes to dating vs. settling down. And when you date, you're not aways looking to settle down.
Let's break this down. Pros of taking her home: 1. You get to talk for another 45 minutes. 2. You make out some more. 3. She gets to brag to her friends about how you drove her 45 minutes on the first date. Cons of taking her home: 1. Gas money. 2. Less time on clutchfans. 3. Letting her set expectations too high. Seems like the pros outweigh the cons IMO. Given that I live in Houston, a 45 minute drive is nothing. Takes me that long to get from where I live up to the Woodlands. However, if I was drowsy or tipsy, I would have asked her to take the train and would have made the point that it was safer . As to your statement: Given that she lived pretty far and that it was only our first date, I felt driving her home would have set high expectations for me to sustain in the future. Women have high expectations. You either meet them or they will find somebody else to do so(or they are ugly and buy 3+ cats and stay single forever). Now if the distance is too far for you, just be honest with yourself and determine that you won't date anybody that lives that far. Perhaps she just didn't meet your physical expectations and you didn't think she was worth going the extra mile (God knows I've been guilty of this before). "What do you guys think? Did I really mess up? Or is my date being unreasonable? Personally, I don't mind if she doesn't want to see me anymore but I do think it is rude that she doesn't even bother to respond to my call/text given that we had penciled in our second date." She might have been upset that you made her ride the train and didn't feel like talking. While you "penciled in" a date, she doesn't owe you anything if she doesn't want to see you again because you wronged her in her mind.
the whole ritual has always been too weird for me, i've gone on very few "dates" in my life. i just always met girls and things progressed however they did. i do agree, however, that not offering her a ride just shows a lack of giving a damn.
