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Feel like giving up

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by Downtown Sniper, Mar 17, 2013.

  1. Downtown Sniper

    Downtown Sniper Contributing Member

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    Let me preempt this with the disclaimer I'm a few Southern Comforts deep right now and I'm typing this up on a phone - so I hope the errors are kept to a minimum. And I apologise for the length. There will be no cliffs as nobodies got time for that.

    Read on if you want to feel better about yourself.

    Now that's out of the way. I feel so pathetic putting this on a public for where I've actually met a couple of people from thanks to the time I came to the USA and experienced some Rockets games live. But the fact I will more then likely never see these people again unfortunately makes it seem ok.

    Life *****ing sucks. Seriously.
    I joined the Australian Army when I was 18 and a week before marching out at The School of Infantry - I decided to quit. I was immature and didnt think it was right for me.
    If I only knew then what I know now.

    After that I got a job at Commonwealth Securities. It was an entry level job in stockbroking. Computer stuff.

    Opened the paper one morning to see one of my mates I went through all the training with in the Army was killed by an IED in Afghanistan. I felt so god damn worthless sitting behind a desk. I'm by no means belittling careers that involve offices. I worked at Commsec for nearly 5 years. It just wasnt the type of work for me.
    I need to be active. Hands on. About a year after leaving the Army (and before seeing this news in the paper) I realised just how much of a mistake I made.

    I got in touch with recruitment again and started the paperwork to rejoin the military. This was in 2008.
    I didn't Enlist until March 2012.

    It took nearly a year and a half to prove I was dedicated enough to be allowed in again. It took the next 2.5 years appealing on 3 separate occasions to overturn a decision to make me Medical Class 4 - Permenantly Unfit for Service. Due to an now I fractured playing basketball.

    So 4 long hard years pass and I finally get on the bus to go to Army Recruit Training Centre.
    The Sergeant on the bus begins screaming as soon as the doors close and while everyone is sitting there wondering what the hell have they gotten themsces into - I'm absolutely beaming. I was loving it.

    It sounds weird but I finally felt like I was back where I belonged.
    It took less then two weeks to solidify that fact.
    I kept it a secret that I'd been through all this before. But during the second week my Section Commander during a weapons lesson asks me if I've done this before since it was practically second nature everything I was doing. Even though it'd been 5-6 years since I did this.

    My staff asked me if I want to get pushed to a platoon about to march out so I could go straight to the School of Infantry. I declined - as I made a couple of good friends and wanted to finish the course with them. So I stayed an extra 9 weeks then what I could've. I had the time of my life.

    My Lieutenant pulled me aside the morning trophy winners were announced and said the staff felt it unfair on the person who won the Best Soldier aware if I was given it considering I'd done it all before. He told me if they didnt have a moral compass the award was easily mine.

    So the staff made up an award and gave that to me infront of the platoon the morning of our March Out parade.

    I arrived at the School of Infantry at the start of August. It was a surreal feeling when the bus entered the base. The point of my biggest failure.
    And I was finally getting the chance to rectify it.

    We were put in a Holding Platoon to wait for more numbers to start the next session.
    During the second week we were doing traverse ropes on the obstacle course. As I've positioned myself from the horizontal rope to the vertical rope and transferred all my weight on the arm with the problem elbow - everything went to *****.

    Turns out I've got arthritis already in the joint aswell as no cartilage whatsoever. Plus one of the pins I had inserted when I fractured it - has moved to the very edge of the bone. If it moves anymore its going to begin cutting away the bone it rubs against.

    At first I had pain when the elbow made repetitive movements.
    There's a constant throbbing pain which I've learnt to deal with the best I can. That doesn't go away. Ever.
    When I moved it repeatedly - I'd get a bad flair up where I couldn't move my arm whatsoever.
    Painkillers don't do anything either as they've tried to give me a hundred differ t types.
    ... The good news? The flair ups don't only happen thanks to movement now. It can. E completely immobile and it will happen.
    After doing some research on it I've found out the things which used to be a relief from flair ups (resting it) will be the cause of flair ups in the future (already happening now) and that the flair ups will get progressively worse and more frequent.

    So ive been told I'm being Medically Discharged. I was told that at the end of August. I just needed to have my case heard at a Medical Board review.
    It is now March. And i am STILL waiting for the med board.
    I'm in a Rehab Platoon. Have been for nearly 6 months now.
    I was told last week it will be at least anotjer3 months until I see the board.
    I was also told that after I'd been here for 2 months.

    So my life is wasting away before my eyes.
    What do I do all day? We have exercise each day. And for the other 8 hours were made the Staffs' b*tchrs. Doing absolutely pointless stuff day after day after day.

    Im25. It'd be different if I was 18 and had my whole life still ahead of me.
    I'm going to have to get another office job when I'm finally kicked out.

    Commsec invested a tonne of money into modern day offices and now can't afford them. So they've been told they're no longer allowed to hire new staff for the foreseeable future.

    So I will have to start once again at the bottom of a company. After being the 2IC at the end of my time at Commsec. A 25 year old with 5 years admin experience already - doing the same job with the same pay as people two days removed from high school. FML.

    Oh. That's even if I can get a job. Because its Commsec policy that they don't write references for precious employees. (Probably so they can retain their staff)
    Won't get one from the Army.
    So the previous 5-6 years of my working life - I will have no references for.
    Absolutely fantastic.

    My brothers live the life.
    One is a firefighter. He works 4 days on 4 days off. And during his 4 days off he works for a security company who take money from ATMs. Being paid $36 an hour at his secondary job.
    Another is a teacher. Who goes overseas twice a year.

    My parents hated me when I quit the army. It took a very long time to patch that relationship up. During my 21st 'speech'. My father stood up infront of my entire family and friends and said.. "This will be short since matthew hasn't really done anything to make us proud of"

    And now they think I'm purposefully trying to get out of the army again.

    There are only two things which make me happy anymore.
    Southern Comfort.
    And the Houston Rockets.

    I don't even like hanging out with my best friends from school anymore since they're too immature I feel. And they don't know how easy they have it (their parents giving them everything in life). I'm really starting to despise them over this.

    I want to move to Texas. I loved that place. I love everything about America.
    I'm not a fan of Australia. And now there's nothing even left for me here. If only America had the lax immigration policies Austown has.

    It's current 12.26am Monday morning.
    And I'm drinking. I've broken like 4 Standing Orders already. This is what it's come to.
     
    1 person likes this.
  2. RedDynasty

    RedDynasty Member

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    Stay strong bro. You can get through this man. Don't give up.
     
  3. rsx_htown

    rsx_htown Contributing Member

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    Stop sulking, doesn't sound like there is much you can do till you are medically discharged anyway, so just keep giving whatever you are doing your best till its over. Your job does not define who you are, it gives you the funds to live and do the things you enjoy. So even if you find a job that requires you to start all over, just give it all you've got those 8 or so hours of the day and youll be fine in the long run. Even in your mid 20s you have your whole life ahead of you. Sulking and getting wasted thinking about it is not going to help, there are tough patches in your life that you are going to have to work hard to get through, most everyone goes through it.
     
  4. RocketRaccoon

    RocketRaccoon Contributing Member

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    Proud of your effort for military service. Don't be disillusioned. That’s a fine character attribute that will assist you for the rest of your life.
     
  5. bigtexxx

    bigtexxx Contributing Member

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    don't worry about your age

    sounds like the army isn't meant to be due to your health, so just move on

    get some additional education and a better job will follow
     
  6. Mr. Clutch

    Mr. Clutch Contributing Member

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    I know it feels awful, but I thought your story was going to be much worse. You are obviously a motiviated guy, so you will get through this.

    And at 25, your whole life is still ahead of you.
     
  7. pgabriel

    pgabriel Educated Negro

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    Come to Texas bro
     
  8. heypartner

    heypartner Contributing Member

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    Your dad is a dick for saying that.

    No one wants you to give up!

    Name me one person who told you...."Dude, just give up"

    think about that
     
  9. aussiejack

    aussiejack Member

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    Go get a degree at uni and start again. 25 is plenty young to start fresh in life. Uni will give you a chance to be social and focus on a career you really want. If you're into being active, perhaps you can do a sports science or physiotherapy degree. We're lucky to be in a country where we can palm off our uni fees onto HECS debt, which basically means we don't pay it off until we start working full time.

    And try not to drown your despair with the drink. You'll just add being an alcoholic to the list of reasons
     
  10. aussiejack

    aussiejack Member

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    ...why you'll want to give up on life.
     
  11. Shroopy2

    Shroopy2 Contributing Member

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    (Thought I'd be much "worse" too)

    If thats how your parents are, no WONDER you are pondering on things too hard. That comment was rude and obnoxious and putting too much pressure on you.

    You wouldnt be the ONLY one with aggravating parents, let me tell you THAT. Move away from that and explore the outer world. Live for YOU and don't look back.

    You're still at a good time in your life. You'd probably be surprised how you can get inside doors JUST by being 25 and having a decent head on your shoulders (and you do have one).

    I'm starting my life over at a WAY OLDER age now. Have had some health issues and "discharges" and stuff. It takes a little while to get over, but YOU DO. (and yeah there's enough jobs in America where you can have guns :p)
     
  12. Commodore

    Commodore Contributing Member

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    Whatever your current circumstances, the important thing is to spend your time focusing on self-improvement. Your self worth comes from your value to others. Do not allow your idle time to be spent wallowing in self-pity. STAY BUSY. SET SHORT TERM GOALS

    As for Texas, America is the land of opportunity and the land of fresh starts, where your lot in life is never permanent, where anybody can be anything. Perhaps there is a company looking for someone with an Australian connection that could sponsor you for a green card.
     
  13. moestavern19

    moestavern19 Member

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    I too once thought my life was over at age 25. I too felt like everything I had done up this point had been nothing but a colossal failure and my whole family pretty much just hated me because I abandoned their religion and let them all down.

    At 22 I had moved out to Texas on my own and was thriving. Had my own place, a cool job, best shape of my adult life, a girlfriend who I adored and who adored me.

    By 26 I was suddenly divorced, living off cigarettes, beer, weed and a couple gas station meals. Still trying to earn a college degree at my age. Every day was a chore. I had very little will to live.

    One night it all hit me like a ton of bricks and I was sitting on the floor of my apartment thinking about the sharp objects in my kitchen and how quick and painless it would be. No wonder she left. I'm a mess, a failure, an addict.

    That would have been the easy way out. My cry for help was heard that night at 3 AM by a childhood friend on facebook. Now living in a foreign country, she happened to be online and I messaged her. I hadn't talked to her for 12 years. I poured out my soul and over the next 4 hours she had told me everything I needed to hear and I knew what I needed to do.

    I cut off all ties to the old way, the old life, the death and the sadness. No more clinging to the limbs that were infested with gangrene. No matter how painful it was going to be, I had to slice them off and start fresh. The healing began that day.


    Now I'm 28... remarried with 2 wonderful boys and starting my own business.

    People reinvent themselves at 65. You're 25. Don't let one window closing dictate the rest of your life and turn you into a bitter man. Life isn't limited to one sole passion.

    You get busy living or get busy dying.
     
    6 people like this.
  14. Commodore

    Commodore Contributing Member

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  15. Jontro

    Jontro Member

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    Don't worry man. You don't have to be a soldier, police, firefighter, or even superman to make your mark. Society says retirement age is around late 50's to early 60's. You got all that time in between to kick ass.

    I say grow a beard, put your head down, drive into the late, and score a basket. Even if you don't make it, you'll at least get 2 free throws. I don't even know what this analogy means, but it sounds right.
     
  16. Commodore

    Commodore Contributing Member

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    <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/d6wRkzCW5qI" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
     
  17. moestavern19

    moestavern19 Member

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    Also start watching My Little Pony. It will make you happy inside.
     
  18. across110thstreet

    across110thstreet Contributing Member

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    sorry about your elbow
     
  19. SacTown

    SacTown Member

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    Bro you are only 25. And texas isnt better than australia. Go to bali lots of australians there and its cheap to live.
     
  20. leroy

    leroy Contributing Member

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    25 is nothing. You're still a kid. Like others have said, you've got plenty of time. Get a degree in something you enjoy and try to make a life out of it. Maybe leaving home is a good idea. Sometimes it takes a big risk to move on to bigger and better.
     

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