One time in 7th grade, I was in math class, and we were watching a movie with this other class. I didn't even feel like I had to fart, but I moved in my chair and the loudest one ever came out. Everyone looked at me, but I didn't think I did it, so i turned around....too bad the person behind me was looking at me too.
My kids were about 8 and 6 when we got a Toy Chihuahua named Cookie. One time I knelt down to pet Cookie and I let off this window-rattler. My daughter goes, "Dad, did you hear Cookie?!" I went along with the illusion. The illusion persists for about 8 years which a reminiscent giggle once in a while about the time Cookie let her rip. Then a couple of years ago I fessed up and we had another good laugh about Dad's failure to chew his food well enough.
Most of my embarrassing farts take place while lifting heavy weights in the weight room. The worst is bent-over rows. If you have any gas whatsoever in your system and you lean over to do this movement, you better believe it's going to find a way to escape. At that point all you can do is check for moisture.
You aint kidding! One day I was doing pull-ups and I was on my 2nd set. I asked this older guy if he could hold my feet once I got into trouble and he said he would. Well, you know what happened next? Yup, I farted in the poor dude's face!! That happened well over a year ago, and all the guys in the weight room still bring it up from time to time with great glee in their eyes.
My dog farts sometimes and then she turns around looking at her ass. I'm not sure if she's trying to get a smell in or just doesn't understand how farts work.
I did that once while doing some squats. Once you bend your knees, that's prime fart position so you have to be careful to get everything out of there before you start doing squats. Once one poped out while I was at the bottom of the movement and I started laughing (along with everyone else in the room) and almost threw my back out.
Back in my hard drinking days I used to be the master at lighting farts. It was definitely a great party gag/ice breaker. The flames were a thing a beauty, with blues and yellows, and sometimes other colors. The key is to get the lighter low enough so that the gas passes over the flame. Also, use a firelog lighter so as to not burn your fingers if you have a delayed reaction. And finally - wear jeans!
