Peter: Well, I guess the moral is here is that it doesn't matter where you're from, as long as you're all the same religion. ----------- Peter: All right Lois, I'll do it. But when I get back I'm getting anal. (Pause) Peter: And I mean it, this floor will be spotless!
Quagmire: "So, you girls ever been penetrated?" Brian Griffin: Hola! Um... me, me llamo es Brian. Ahh, uh, um... Let's see, uh, nosotros queremos ir con ustedes. Migrant Worker: Hey, that was pretty good, except when you said, "Me llamo es Brian," you don't need the "es", just "me llamo Brian". Brian Griffin: Oh! So you speak English! Migrant Worker: No, just that first speech and this one explaining it. Brian Griffin: You... you're kidding, right? Migrant Worker: Que? Quagmire: "Alllllriiiiight."
I'm not good at memorizing quotes, but I am addicted to the show. I thought this was funny. Teacher: In French, to say yes you say oui-oui. [Peter starts laughing] Peter: Oh, man, that's hysterical. (keeps laughing) Hey, what do you say for no, doo-doo? (laughs) Hey, I'll be right back. I've got to go take a wicked yes.
Peter: Women are not people, they are devices built by our Lord Jesus Christ for our entertainment. Stewie: Let me guess, you picked out yet another colorful box with a crank that I'm expected to turn and turn until OOP! big shock, a jack pops out and you laugh and the kids laugh and the dog laughs and I die a little inside. Brian: Hey, do you hear that? Peter: What? Brian: Sounds like someone's screaming. Peter: What? What is it boy? What are you trying to say? Brian: It sounds like Loretta is screaming. Peter: Trouble at the old mill? Brian: What are you insane? Peter: Somebody fall through the ice? Brian: It's summer. Peter: Bobcat? Brian: RURURURURURU!!! Peter: Loretta's in trouble?! Come on boy!
Peter: Everybody, I got bad news - we've been cancelled. Lois: Oh, no. Peter, how can they do that? Peter: Well, unfortunately, Lois, there's just no room on the schedule. We just gotta accept the fact that Fox has to make room for terrific shows like: Dark Angel Titus Undeclared Action That 80's Show Wonderfalls Fastlane Andy Richter Controls The Universe Skin Girls Club Cracking Up The Pits Firefly Get Real Freaky Links Wanda At Large Costello The Lone Gunmen A Minute With Stan Hooper Normal Ohio Pasadena Harsh Realm Keen Eddy The Street American Embassy Cedric The Entertainer The Tick Louis and Greg The Bunny. Lois: Is there no hope? Peter: Well, I supposed if ALL those shows go down the tubes we might have a shot. Best line to start off Season 4 BTW, http://www.tv.com/family-guy/show/348/summary.html is a good place to get quotes too. Im still pissed that TVtome.com soldout to tv.com
Stewie (to one of the prostitutes at Cleveland's house): So, is there any tread left on the tires? Or at this point would it be like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?
Peter: [trying to make up a fake name in a hurry] *looks around the restaurant* PEA-.....*looks at someone crying*....TEAR....*sees a griffin*...GRIFFIN....DOH!
Peter: Just don't forget our deal, Lois. I sit through this and later tonight I get anal. <pause> You hear me? No matter how neat I want the house you have to clean it!
I loved that opening. I've got a friend who worked on Fastlane, and I give him crap all the time about it.
Peter (after Lois tells him he's childish): "If I'm a child that means you're a pedophile, and I'll be damned if i'm going stand here and take this from a pervert." ---- Auctioner: Our first item is a pair of panties confiscated from a prostitute. Quagmire: Fifty bucks. Auctioner: She had nine STDs. Quagmire: Forty-five bucks. Auctioner: And when we caught her she wet herself. Quagmire: Fifty bucks. --- Peter - I'm afraid I have some very bad news, your wife's gonna be a vegetable. You're gonna have to bathe her, feed her, and care for her for the rest of your life. Guy - OH MY GOD! Peter - No no no, I'm just kiddin. She's dead.
Most of my favorites are from Stewie... Stewie: "There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore." Stewie: "Well, I'd love to stay and chat, but you're a total b****." Stewie:[while watching cheerleaders change in a locker room] "It appears my pee-pee has been stricken with rigor mortis." Meg: "Everybody! Guess what I am?" Stewie: "Hmm, the end result of a drunken backseat grope-fest and a broken prophylactic?" [Quagmire finds a cheerleader tied up in a bathroom stall] Quagmire: "Dear diary: Jackpot!" Stewie: "Augh! What the hell do you think you're doing?" Brian: "I'm cleaning myself." Stewie: "You were clean fifteen minutes ago, now you're just on vacation." This show is probably the most quotable show in history.
