Ok Vin Diesel, you win. It would go something like: Wife: Don't invite your brother to the party. He's rude and gets gassy and it makes the guests uncomfortable. Me: That's my blood! I'm not going to live with that disrespect. Wife: Excuse me?! Me: There is a person on the internet that is telling me not to "man up!" Wife: Seriously, are you one Clutchfans again? Fine he can come, but he better bring some Gas-X. You've solved my marriage! I will no longer have to relive the choice and feel like I sold out! Wife: So my brother can come too right? Me: Nah, hun... he's pretentious and roots for the Warriors. Wife: That's my BLOOD! D*mn you Reeko, you ruin everything! Seriously, who cares about blood? Did you skip Rocketman95's story about his sister? My wife and I put each other first in these decisions. She would never invite someone I was uncomfortable with, nor would I subject her to a night of familial farts. I've got friends who have some deadbeat loser siblings that mooch and complain. I have friends that I consider family. What do you want Falcon to do, show up anyways? Continue to demand his brother to put him ahead of his ex when his brother isn't even helping take care of their mom? Does that sound like someone Falcon should be seeking approval and acceptance from because of blood? Doesn't sound like someone I care to hang out with. Someone was related to Hitler and some people were friends with Gandhi. Again, what does blood matter? If a building was burning and I could save my wife or my brother, I save my wife without hesitation. Not that my brother's life isn't worth saving, but who is important (or more important) to whom is a personal decision forged by experience, not a blanket statement made by strangers on the internet. Falcon has important things like his mom to worry about. It is my opinion that his brother isn't worth his time. Letting people live their own lives isn't placating them, it is how we exist in society.
He was disrespected by his brother and I was responding mostly to the advice of biting his tongue and showing up to the party. Why should he? Maybe you heard me wrong or I heard you wrong but that's why I said it's his brother that's in the wrong here and Falcon shouldn't have to suck it up and go.
Yeah, sounds like we misunderstood each other. I'm definitely with you in that he shouldn't go. His brother does not sound pleasant.
Man, this thread is hitting home with me today. I don't have issues with an ex or anything....but I DO have a big, gigantic issue with my sister thats developed over the last several years. It's strangely comforting to know others have family issues, but man...they really do suck. Being angry, sad, frustrated all at the same time is no way to live...but...its family you know? I don't have an answer for the OP, but I do wish you well. Hang in there!
I'm not here to say what is right for anyone else other than me, but I'm very happy the way I was treated didn't leave me jaded. I met my wife 6 months after it ended with my ex and it has been an amazing relationship. The only issues were at the beginning when I had some trust issues (who wouldn't!?), but those are long, long gone* and I've never been happier. And that changes each day because the love between my wife and I keeps growing. For us, I think part of it was being in unhappy marriages before and realizing what mistakes we made. But we make it work because we're completely devoted to each other, have each other's backs, are each other's best friends and never ever sweat the small stuff. We're showing our kids what true love is. *Another positive side effect is how liberating removing jealousy from your relationship is. I know that my wife will always be mine, so I never worry about who she's talking to or anything like that. Not ever worrying about the health and status of a relationship is something I can't even explain really. And it leads to other fun fantasies as well.
I'm over it other than the occasional beating myself up for not getting it all in writing. I learned a ton from my first marriage that has made my current marriage amazing. I was not a perfect husband by any means at all and taking time to reflect on that instead of taking the easy way out has made a huge difference.
We cut ties with my MIL 14 years ago.The first issue we had with her was that she flipped out at our wedding and tried to make the whole thing about her. We allowed her to suck the spirit out of us for a few years before my wife finally had enough. She cut ties and we have not looked back. The misery she caused is gone and we are all much happier without her. I ask my wife every so often if she wants to contact her and she has no desire to do so. We still see my FIL (her parents are divorced) and he is wonderful. Moral of the story: Life is too short to have to deal with people that make you miserable. Move on and enjoy your life.
Who cares, your niece will just know her uncle cared enough to come...... You have to be the bigger man, this is such trite. DD
You're entitled to your opinion. I'll tell you this about being the bigger man. I was the bigger man with most things with my ex in regards to all aspects of my son. She took advantage of every situation because I was willing to be the "bigger man". I was the "bigger man" when my brother and his family did not step up to help with my mom and they took advantage of the situation. I'm done being the bigger man with ingrates. I'm pretty sure she did not place me high on the "must attend" list, and I'm pretty sure I wasn't missed. The bottom line is I didn't go and I would make the same decision again if it happens again and I wouldn't shed a tear. Do you not understand that I was not invited until they needed something from me?
@Falcons Talon your brother and his wife behave likes assholes but honestly so do you. life is too short to keep score when it comes to family matters so do what makes you happy or stay miserable and pissed off.
Not miserable or pissed off to be honest. I'm just looking out for me and my own. My brother put our family on the backburner years ago. However, I probably still would have gone if my exes weren't there.
Maybe I'm thinking about this a little too simply, but perhaps your exes got the invite because it is for the 16 year old B-Day party, and they're the ones with the kids? IE - maybe its a kids party? And the girl wants her cousins to be there because they're good friends? I kind of figured that's why he said "hey, can you bring your son?" Are the kids close in age? Maybe he was trying to fill up the place with kids her age because her "friends" from school weren't coming? I definitely don't think I'd fly off the handle just because someone got called first. Maybe he had a list, and was calling everyone that day since the invitations were late. I don't know. Seems like something that shouldn't really make you upset. If nothing else - isn't this girl's birthday another day for you to spend with your kids? If I wasn't around them all the time, I'd take that opportunity no matter who was there.
Of course none of us really know the full background on all of this - all we can go by is a few paragraphs on a basketball message board. That being said.....it does seem a little odd to be so angry about 1) who was invited first to a kids birthday party and b) that he wants you to bring your kid to a kids birthday party. We all know that guys suck at planning parties. I suck at it, you suck at it, your brother sucks at it. It's just because we're guys. If I was invited to a party, I can't imagine caring that I wasn't the first one invited. It would never even occur to me to think about who may have been invited before me. From the outside looking in, it just seems odd. Hell, if you aren't on the best terms with your brother, maybe him inviting you could be an opportunity to mend some fences. Maybe the invite was an olive branch of sorts? Do you really think he invited you JUST so you would taxi your son there? Or perhaps the 16-year old niece actually wants to see her uncle and her cousin since it sounds like it's been a while? My side of the family likes to plan get-togethers on Facebook a week ahead of time....then text me 2 hours before they meet to invite me and my boys. "Hey, I know it's last minute, but......" Yeah, no **** it's last minute. So when I say I already have plans, I look like the a-hole who never attends family functions. That's a topic for another thread.....but point being, I'd actually be happy with a weeks notice!
My brother invited my ex first. When she couldn't go, he asked me to bring him. The cousins are not close...not in the least.
Yes, but that was not from your niece, it is her day - you being there is a positive role model for her, and by showing you are the bigger man, you present a more adult model for her. The point is that none of that crap matters here, it is about her, not you, not your ex, not anyone other than her. DD
Are they close in age? They could just be getting kids to the party. Maybe you weren't invited because the kid wasn't with you at the time. Not sure they invited the ex, rather than invited the kid. Only reason I think that is because they didn't just say "oh ok, thanks for letting us know" but instead tried to find a way to get your son to the party.
