Ex wives.

I wish I had time to go into it all because it's therapeutic for me and I'm sure my wife is tired of talking about it.

 

Exactly. Grown ups acting like children.

 

I am in a very similar situation with my brother and his wife. From day one, she has tried to drive a wedge between him and his family, particularly with my mother and me. Not once has he ever stuck up for us, and it has certainly strained the relationship between me and my brother. Awful thing to have in your life. I wouldn't be surprised if it is your brother's wife that is pulling the strings in inviting your exes, just to screw with you and keep you from either going to the party altogether, or to make your time there uncomfortable - I've seen that kind of behavior before, and it is your brother's responsibility to step up and tell his wife that is unacceptable.

 

Issues with family suck. Especially when it's regarding in-laws or exes. My SIL creates all kinds of problems because she's a neurotic, entitled, selfish person who treats my FIL (who's an awesome guy, and just a great, positive person to be around) like crap because she blames him for all her failures in life. The real issue lies in the fact that my MIL has a soft spot for her because she feels guilty for all my SIL's shortcomings, and makes up for it by denigrating my wife (who is the glue that keeps that family together), and acting like it's her sisterly duty to basically put her life on hold so my SIL can get her **** together. I only get involved when things with the SIL get ugly, but it's still infuriating to watch.

 

What an odd thing to say. Good luck with your situation, though.

 

I see.

 

Falcons I hope your mother gets well. Hang in there!!

 

If you meet one *ssholl than you meet one *sshole. If you meet 8 *ssholes, you're the *sshole.

My marriage started off great. She supported me through law school and was all around amazing. She gets along with my family very well and my extended family absolutely loves her. They write each other postcards (my wife is little old school) and have built a very strong relationship. Many in my family consider her a good friend. Fast forward to today, I am little more established in my career and I try to be as supportive as I can of her pursuits in her career and her interests (ie writing). She still writes to my family and probably calls my folks more than I do (because I'm a miserable son and never remember to call). We are very happy and I am lucky to have her. Hypothetically, lets say she wises up one day and decides that I'm a dummy (true) and wants a divorce (crap)... who am I to play sheriff and tell my family who they can and cannot communicate with? 100% they would rather her come to their parties over me. She is sweet, charming, and engaging. I am constantly on my phone checking on Clutchfans. Clear winner. Why is it family first? Read Rocketman95's thing about his sister. If my family wanted to stay in touch with my wife, that is between them. My wife is a great person and a loyal friend. Those friends are very hard to come by, and I personally think it wouldn't be my call. That would make me an *sshole.

I know I am not in your shoes, but if I had friends (or siblings) that were petty enough to yell at me over where they were on the invite pecking order, I am for sure not inviting them. I would for sure read their passive aggressive texts afterwards, but only to feel justified in my decision. While I have never gone through a divorce, I have had friends that have been through similar situations. None where someone cheated or owes money and they are clear internet villains, but they still didn't end well. Across the board, the ones that complained about who hung out with whom always came off as *ssholes. I am friends with both of you guys, I didn't get the divorce! When you say "don't talk to so and so," even if you think you aren't telling people to pick sides, you are! If that makes me a bad friend, unfriend me. I don't have time to deal with people that check who I am friends with on social media. It is awkward but that doesn't mean it has to suck, approval be damned! On the flip side, the one's that handled it with grace and don't get mad where they end up in the family pecking order or who was messaging whom on social media, come off so much better... and seem consistently happier post-divorce. Not that you can't be happy and still be an *sshole.

I am not sure what the pecking order is suppose to be like for guys like Sura and Falcon, but for me it is wife/future kids #1, everybody else #2. So if my wife didn't want my brother to be at a party, he wouldn't be invited. If you didn't talk to someone for months and then reprimand them out of the blue because your wife has a problem with who they are friends with on social media, sure, that does kind of make you a dick (uncle if you have a niece). Do you not see how that's just the flip side though? We got a story about a guy mad at his brother for listening to his wife's wishes and a story of a guy that's mad at his sister for not listening to his wife's wishes. Bros, life is too short to live butt-hurt. Your brother's family likes your ex more than you. That sucks (honestly, who wants to feel like they got a pity invite), but luckily you don't have to go hang out with him. This is clearly my rendering of "some superficial judgment" but I feel like I get it from the other side. I'm the sister that you don't want to hang out with but your ex has been kind to, so f*** it, we doing shots! I'm the brother who feels more comfortable with your ex around his kids than you at the party he is throwing, probably because you hog the hors d'oeurves! Maybe people make hard decisions and live their life just like you do yours, and they have no interest in making sure you approve of it first. Screw 'em, just live your life. Thoughts and prayer with your mother Falcon.

 

I've never been married, but i see so many failed marriages around me and see how ****ed up a lot of marriages are. Yet, it's those same people who keep trying to make it work again and again after divorce after divorce.
My parents never divorced but I saw how defeated my father was. My mother was so controlling and a little tyrant that it made me sick to think of myself accepting that kind of treatment for anything including children. The way I see it is that they'd have a better father in me if I was happy and free to be me and not imprisoned physically and mentally by some little controlling tyrant.

I just feel so bad seeing how miserable a lot of married people look. But, society told them it's the only way to live their life. My brother is now divorced from a cheating wife further ensuring that i never marry.

I'd rather just stay single and post "Day 1" updates over and over again in the "Official No Fap Thread.

 

**** that **** dude. Family is family. a dude's ex wife is not their blood and I damn well wouldn't take that kind of disrepect on the chin and "man up" like people on the internet seem to always recommend.

Falcon has to live with that in his mind. He will relive the choices and know he sold himself out just to placate someone else (probably his brother's wife). Divorce happens but you brother will always be family.

 

I'm kind of with Vivid on this. Of course, EVERY SITUATION IS DIFFERENT, but when you get married, you naturally want your family to embrace your new wife as much as you do. Then when you get divorced, you expect them to drop her like a bad habit. Some people just don't operate like that.

I'm very happily married and my family loves my wife. She and my sister are like besties. They are both teachers, both VERY outgoing, both love to pound Miller Lites and both have a slightly disturbing obsession with Barry Manilow (don't ask). If we ever got a divorce, I can't see my sister just dropping the friendship overnight. If she could do that, then were they really friends in the first place? I think not.

RM95, I'm totally with you on how you've handled your situation. The old saying "family is everything" isn't necessarily true. If someone in your family is a straight up a-hole, you SHOULD drop them from your life. I've done this with a nephew of mine and your'e right...it's very freeing.

FT, I'm sorry about your Mother and wish you nothing but the best.

 

You should write a blog on your website.

It would be like Playboy for the stories.

 

Ex-wife is in British Columbia while I'm in Austin. No problems like that at all. I guess what I'm saying is make sure your first wife is from a different country. Also ex-wife kinda hated my family and I'm pretty ****ing awesome so my family loves me and woulda sided with me anyways even if she stayed in Austin.

I agree a lot with what Vivid said. You can't really control other people's actions and the moment you try and tell people who to hangout with and how to feel, I kinda think it's a dick thing to do. Make no mistake, I've felt similarly in my life and tried making friends and family take sides and it doesn't usually end well for any party. If your ex is truly a horrible c-unt of a woman, your family would recognize that too and distance themselves on their own. So either she's putting on a hell of a mask in fooling your family or is actually a decent human being that you just didn't mesh well with in marriage. But that doesn't make her the Anti-Christ.

RM, I would let go of any loss of money you had in your marriage. I lost thousands too in mine but I'm sure that's common in almost any marriage. Try and think more positively about the situation. You could still be sinking thousands more in a miserable marriage or recognize that you just need to cut your losses and make more money that you get to keep by working your job and living your life well. In the immortal words of Omar from the Wire. "Money doesn't have any owners. Only spenders." I for one am glad to not have to cover unnecessary Nordstrom purchases or online shopping sprees and to be able to spend my own money on what I want or better yet save responsibly. The best revenge is living well.