I can do that with Monty Python, Mel Brooks movies and the Naked Gun\Airplane series. and I can program my VCR without a manual. beat that.
There are Jews in the world There are Buddhists There are Catholics and Mormons and then There are those who follow Mohammeds and such I've never been one of them Oh, I'm a Roman Catholic And have been since before I was born And the one thing they say about Catholics is They'll take you as soon as you're warm You don't have to be a six-footer You don't have to have a great brain You don't have to have any clothes on You're a Catholic the moment dad came Because every sperm is sacred Every sperm is good If a sperm is wasted God gets quite irate That's off the top of my head, SON. Bring it.
I have somewhat of a superior memory. At age 4 I knew all the state capitals. At my jobs I have been known to recall 26 digit part numbers off the top of my head a month after I had remembered them.
I have the uncanny ability to deeply offend/insult all women that I am attracted to or have ever been attracted to. Meanwhile, women I don't like will somehow never be offended and will become attracted to me.
lawl I honestly cant remember this entire bit unless Im watching it, and this conversation is so funny, I'll admit to pulling it out of my copy of the script (am I a geek or what? I've had the scripts downloaded for years) so the uninitiated can read it. MR. BLACKITT: Look at them, bloody Catholics, filling the bloody world up with bloody people they can't afford to bloody feed. MRS. BLACKITT: What are we dear? MR. BLACKITT: Protestant, and fiercely proud of it. MRS. BLACKITT: Hmm. Well, why do they have so many children? MR. BLACKITT: Because... every time they have sexual intercourse, they have to have a baby. MRS. BLACKITT: But it's the same with us, Harry. MR. BLACKITT: What do you mean? MRS. BLACKITT: Well, I mean, we've got two children, and we've had sexual ntercourse twice. MR. BLACKITT: That's not the point. We could have it any time we wanted. MRS. BLACKITT: Really? MR. BLACKITT: Oh, yes, and, what's more, because we don't believe in all that Papist claptrap, we can take precautions. MRS. BLACKITT: What, you mean... lock the door? MR. BLACKITT: No, no. I mean, because we are members of the Protestant Reformed Church, which successfully challenged the autocratic power of the Papacy in the mid-sixteenth century, we can wear little rubber devices to prevent issue. MRS. BLACKITT: What d'you mean? MR. BLACKITT: I could, if I wanted, have sexual intercourse with you,... MRS. BLACKITT: Oh, yes, Harry. MR. BLACKITT: ...and, by wearing a rubber sheath over my old feller, I could insure... that, when I came off, you would not be impregnated. MRS. BLACKITT: Ooh! MR. BLACKITT: That's what being a Protestant's all about. That's why it's the church for me. That's why it's the church for anyone who respects the individual and the individual's right to decide for him or herself. When Martin Luther nailed his protest up to the church door in fifteen-seventeen, he may not have realised the full significance of what he was doing, but four hundred years later, thanks to him, my dear, I can wear whatever I want on my John Thomas,... [sniff] ...and, Protestantism doesn't stop at the simple condom! Oh, no! I can wear French Ticklers if I want. MRS. BLACKITT: You what? MR. BLACKITT: French Ticklers. Black Mambos. Crocodile Ribs. Sheaths that are designed not only to protect, but also to enhance the stimulation of sexual congress. MRS. BLACKITT: Have you got one? MR. BLACKITT: Have I got one? Uh, well, no, but I can go down the road anytime I want and walk into Harry's and hold my head up high and say in a loud, steady voice, 'Harry, I want you to sell me a condom. In fact, today, I think I'll have a French Tickler, for I am a Protestant.' MRS. BLACKITT: Well, why don't you? but honestly, when Im watching the dvd, the words pop in my head just before they get said...Ive seen them waaay too many times
I have the ability to enter threads - and revive them - after they jump the shark I can also sit through terrible movies unscathed.. and I do mean terrible. If you were a superhero I'd be your archnemesis
I have the power to turn any comment into something sexual. Usually by adding 'That's what she said! Oh!' at the end.
That happens to me sometimes, too. I also have a very good memory, usually for things that aren't really important such as Simpsons lines and Seinfeld quotes. When I was in the 2nd grade, I could name all the Presidents of the US in order. I also knew all the World Series winners since 1903 (the trick is to figure out the years where the Yankees did NOT win it). Another super power I have (for the most part) is getting pulled over by cops but not getting a ticket. I have been pulled over 30 or so times and I have only gotten 4 tickets. This power, sadly, doesn't seem to work when I am out of Tennessee.
