Your mom sounds awesome. One time I cussed in front of my mom, and she kicked me in the shins. If it didn't hurt so much, it would have been hilarious.
One time my mom found my cigarettes in my gym bag (I dont smoke though usually. It was a finals thing, but she shouldn't have gone through my stuff.) and I got really upset about her snooping so I said "What else are you gonna find, my condoms?"
I cuss here and there, but not very much. I never cuss at work, and I NEVER, EVER cuss in front of my Mom...and I'm in my mid-20's. I cuss with my Dad, especially when golfing. Every once in a while I accidently let a cuss word slip in front of my Mom and I feel really bad. I feel like I let her down or something. She's the only person that happens with.
I curse in front of my parents ALL the time. As a kid, I once uttered the word "damn" when singing "My Prerogative" in the living room, and my dad slapped the **** out of me. Now, I utter every word that comes to my mind and I no longer have a filter. They've gotten used to it and don't care. Hell, my mom uses the s-word and ah-word now! It's funny to hear a 50-year old Indian woman cursing.
I say stupid stuff on a regular basis. In fact, it happens so frequently, most people have gotten used to how I speak, and don't even notice that I'm saying something stupid anymore.
The comedian Brian Regan has several bits about this very thing. He talks about the mis-use of "You too." Like, "Have a nice time." "Yeah, you too." He mentioned talking to a waiter and the waiter says, "Enjoy your meal" and he responded, "You too...uh...if you get a break or something and get a chance to eat. Enjoy it." Or, when you combine two phrases like "Good luck" and "Take care." "Take luck!" I do crap like this all the freakin' time.
I once had a phone interview for a job. After the lady introduced herself, I followed it up with the usual "Oh hey dude, what's up? How's it going?" that I say to my friends. Horrible start to a horrendous interview.
Sunday I was at the mall shopping at Sam Goody, I'm buying a nice poster that says "Moe's Tavern" on it, So i'm thinking this is really cool. Then the cashier, a young good looking female, from out of leftfield throws out "I like your clothes." I was dumbfounded, I had no idea what to say. I stood there looking around for a few seconds and then muttered "Well.... that was random." then she said something like "Yeah well I like your outfit, it's cute." So i was like " uhh Cool ! " I felt like a complete moron. A few months ago I came home and noticed a female standing at my door, I thought it was one of my friends so I call out "Who the hell is knocking at my door?" It turned out to be the new neighbor lady across the street who had just moved here after escaping an abusive husband. Nothing compares to the stupid things my friend says though. His heart is in the right place, but what goes from his mind to his mouth usually gets very confused along the way. For instance, we were discussing my pseudo-relationship with a female friend of ours, and he tries to make an analogy for me. it goes something along the lines of I was Woody Allen, and she is my adopted daughter, and she has to get over the fear of me being her father before she'll pursue a relationship with me. I tried very hard not to laugh.
Once, when I was getting my haircut, I walked into a place and asked "how much is a haircut?". The lady told me and I then said "does that include a blow-job?" After the laughter died down, I left and never went back.
I was 17 and working at a grocery store and I asked a lady 'how many more months until the baby arrives?'.....It turns out she wasnt pregnant.....Im surprised she didnt kill me.....
That was freakin hillarious. I laughed for a really long time after that, even though I understood what he was trying to say.
A week ago, I was sitting with my band and we started talking about families who are unusually . . . comfortable around one another. One person mentioned that he knew a family where they would always leave the bathroom door open, even if they were doing #2. When I expressed my revulsion, someone suggested that my reaction was feigned and that I really liked to watch my sister take a dump. I meant to respond by saying "No, but if she looked like Angelina Jolie, I might watch her do other things in the bathroom (like shower, for example)." Unfortunately, I only said "No, but if she looked like Angelina Jolie, I might." Some members started laughing, but another just shook her head and said "Can we change the subject?"
The place I work at has a metal roof, so if it is raining hard, it is hard to hear on the phone. A female customer called during one of those hard rains, I had to put my fiancee on hold to pick up her call. I thought I knew which line was which and when I thought I was talking to my fiancee it was the female customer and I told her I had to go and my last words were, I love you. I don't think she heard me but she may have and never said anything about it.
I once was in some store where they were selling some kind of picturephone. As I was looking it over, a lady came up behind me, looked at it, and said, "There are some times I wouldn't want someone to see me through one of those!" I meant to express a similar sentiment, that I too would feel the same way using such a phone. How it came out was, "Yeah, I can see why." Many years later, I still cringe over that one.
In the 8th grade I was giving a speech on renaissance weaponry. In the middle of it I wanted to make an observation that some of these weapons were really effective and that someone with one of these swords could put a six inch dent in a piece of metal. What came out was that someone could put a six inch dick in a piece of metal. The whole room became strangely silent...
