Eva Longoria on BDSS: I will wear a bikini on the show if Spurs lose

LOL! I found this funny...

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/page2/story?page=neel/jackson/050621


By Eric Neel, Scoop Jackson
Page 2


Eric: So Scoop, is it true? Are you taking meetings with folks at the highest level of the Spurs organization?

Scoop: As high as the food chain allows. As per our mission, I sought out and found Ms. Longoria.

Eric: You wouldn't tease a fella, now would you? And I guess my real question is, she wouldn't tease a fella, now would she? I mean, no more than a fella would, um, you know, like to be teased.

Scoop: Yeah she would, even if she has no intention. Yo, fam, she's the truth. More cute than bombshell. Feel me? But, oh my G, she's got a smile that does Maxim no justice, no peace.

Eric: I'm torn right now … do I envy you, do I hate you, do I love you for bringing back stories? So was she nice?

Scoop: Like Nas and Puff, you can hate me now, playboy! I got to see the 3D version. The small package version. Was she nice? Are housewives desperate? She was nice like Robert Horry's jump shot. Cool as a fan. She spoke to everyone that came up to her and was mad cool about the whole thing. I had heard during the day, she had gotten into a "beef" with someone on the Riverwalk and that she began to play the role. But after meeting her, I was like, "Impossible. She's too smoove to bug out like that," … to go Hollywood like that.

Eric: Tell the truth, you're crushing right now, aren't you? You're all cartooned, right? Spinning-circle eyes buggin' out, tongue waggin'. You can tell me. There's no shame in it.

Scoop: I'm pleading the fifth on that. Anyway, here's how it went down: Remember when I told you that Tony Parker was like my cousin? Well, turns out that Eva is sitting at the game with Tony's father, TP1. Now TP1 and I had just gone out the night before and I told him that I'd get with him during the game. So I walk up to holla at him and she's like right next to him in the white tunic top. Sexy as Teri Hatcher. I say hi. She smiled. So Poppa Tony and I passed words, then I bounced. Then after the game, I'm going to the locker room and there she is, standing in the corridor, talking to a few people, you know, chillin'. So I made my little move. I said, "Hey, I'm Scoop. I was the one that came over to speak to Tony's father earlier." She said – now get this! – "Oh yeah, Hi I'm Eva." Like I didn't know?!? But that's how cool she is, she still plays it like she's on the soaps. Anyway, I explain to her how Tony and I are family. I'm like, Tony's grandmother's sister is married to my mother's other brother. Then I said, "They live in Phoenix."

Eric: And then she said?

Scoop: Dig this: She said, "Oh you mean Charles and Peggy? I love Charles and Peggy!"

Eric: So it's deep this Parker-Longoria thing … he's taken her to meet the crew?

Scoop: Yeah, I guess. I don't know. They did play the Suns in the Western Conference Finals, so the Spurs were in Phoenix for a while. But look, after that I'm like done. I mean, she's fam to me now. Been to my uncle and aunt's crib! Know their names by heart! I was like, "OK, if I wasn't a fan before (which I was!), You got me locked now." Tony don't mess up!

Eric: You mean a fan of Tony's or of Eva's? As if I have to ask … So I don't want to lose sight of the big picture, or be that guy who says these kinds of things, but, um, when are you having me out to Charles and Peggy's?

Scoop: You? What about me? Seems like I need to get back out there quick too. They didn't call me and tell me that she came through.

Eric: You're a connected guy, with lots of well-known friends and acquaintances – where does this rank?

Scoop: This ranked way up there … until I met Anita Baker the next night. No disrespect to you, TP, or Ms. Longoria, but AB is on a whole 'nother level. I told my man Biscuit after I met Anita: "You can bury a brotha now. I'm good."

Eric: Let's get to it now … what's her take on the series? Is she pleased with Park's play? Does she have ideas for what he can do with Chauncey?

Scoop: Are you kidding me? I don't know what her take on the series is. I didn't ask. I just stood there and tried to play smooth while in my head I was thinking, "My cuz is one lucky so-and-so … " On the real, basketball was the furthest thing from my mind.

Eric: That ain't right, you losing sight of the job like that and everything …

Scoop: I know, I know. I lost focus for a minute. But can you blame me? I get sprung real easily. I was just really buggin' off of the fact that, here she is, voted the Sexiest Woman in the World, kickin' it with a member of my family. Vicarious living, son. Vicarious living.

Eric: Speaking of vicarious living, for all those Spurs fans out there who are dying to know, is she as beautiful in person as she is on the small screen?

Scoop: E, she's truth. I've seen some photos that don't do her justice, but TV is real close. She's petite, a lot smaller than she comes across. And less sexy, but her presence made you recognize her beauty. You know? Because she wasn't in FHM mode or Esquire mode, she was just her. So the sexiness was on pause – although it was still there. But in person, her beauty, especially when she smiles, man, ridiculous!

Eric: You're gushing again. As a friend you want me to tell you these things, right? If I could reach through the screen I'd be slapping you now, maybe throwing some water on your face …

Scoop: Wouldn't have any effect. I wouldn't even know you were here.

Eric: That hurts. I thought I meant something to you. I thought my presence would make you recognize my beauty. But okay, tell me this: This meet rates how high for you, relative to meeting, say, Sweetness in his prime, or the great Gale Sayers, the idols of your Chicago youth?

Scoop: Eva's ridiculous, but I can't lie … you know who I met during Game 4 that was 100x bigger than even meeting her? Magic Johnson.

Eric: I knew when I first met you we'd be friends. Where do you think you rank for Eva? Think she's saying, "Scoop was nice, but he can't compete with that dreamy Tim Legler?"

Scoop: Man, she probably doesn't even know my name. She's on the No.1 show on television, and I just did my first "Cold Pizza." You do the math. All Eva Longoria saw when she met me was a little dude that could be Don Cheadle's double if he ever appeared on her show.

Eric: So when do you introduce her to your lovely wife?

Scoop: The minute my wife files for divorce. That's when the Spurs are going for their fifth title and I go up to Eva and say, "Hi, met you before, I'm Tony's cousin Scoop. Do you have a sister?"