Say thank you. Today I had lunch with my grandma and I always tell her I will pay, but she insists and I say thank you. Whoever grabs the bill first gets to pay.
OK, this is coming from a natural cheapskate and a restaurant server, so I'll give this in two parts: 1.) As a cheapskate, I let the parents pay. Look at this way, they invited, they are asking to pay for the meal. 2.) As a restaurant server, I see this all the time. People argue about the bill all the time. If one person says something like "if you want the best tip, give the check to me!" I guarantee you I will give that person the bill. On the other hand, I do see a lot of people argue with the bill without telling me they will give a great tip for giving them them the check. I just sit the bill in the middle of the table. If people volunteer to pay, you should just accept their graciousness and appreciate what they are doing for you. They are just trying to be nice. Reciprocate the gesture the next time you go out if it's that serious. 3.) As just a person in general, if a person wants to pay for your dinner, they really want to do it. Just accept it. they are trying to be nice. Think about how you feel when you want to pay for someone else's dinner. You're just trying to be a good friend, right? Oh yeah, and as a server...if you let them pay...tell them you'll pick up the tip and TIP WELL!!
The son pays. That's you Drummer... and pay it incognito before the check comes. Now that's gangster.
I think because the in-laws are attending you should pay! Just excuse yourself to the restroom right after the meal and give the waiter your credit card. It would look terrible if your parents paid.
I think you should let them pay and then you put down a tip that is bigger than the bill itself. That'll show them.
I guess I fall in this line of thinking. I've always been grateful when others pick up the check, and then just pick it up the next time. Sometimes people will make a big fuss when we offer to pick up the check, and I just don't understand it. I think its kind of embarassing for a guy to argue with someone who is offering to buy him dinner.
Really, is who pays for dinner that important? I guess I always focus on the fun and the time spent with friends/family.
The whole picking up the check thing is never awkward for me. I always offer to pay. Since most of my friends seem to be kinda poor, they usually take me up on it. On the other hand, I have one very well-to-do and pushy friend who always insists on at least paying for herself, if not for the whole thing, whenever we go out to dinner. I know better than to try to argue with her by now. Same if my parents are visiting. They wanna pay so bad, I let them. But I always offer.
Well, for some people (or cultures) the person who's birthday it is always pays. This is done because: 1) You don't want peopl to have to consider cost before coming. 2) It's your birthday, you're thankful and paying for them makes you happy. It's a gift in itself. Then again, everyone invited has to understand the customs of the group. I just offer to pay for everything family-related. You'll find that it works out evenly over the long-run.
Update (I didn't want to Almu anyone) : When we got there and the waiter first came around for drink orders, my in-laws told him they wanted a separate check. My folks said "oh, no you don't - this is our treat" and INSISTED on paying for everyone. Then I chimed in, saying that I would at least pay for my wife and I and that was nixed by them as well. Both my in-laws and I thanked them profusely and said we would get it the next time. My in-laws put together a HUGE wedding for us back in February, and I think this was just my folks way of thanking them for it - so I let them do it.
I don't know what the proper thing to do is, but I do know that in my family, it's always a game of one-upsmanship in trying to pay it. Giving your credit card to the waitress while the other person goes to the bathroom or giving it to the hostess before we even sit down. These are the kinds of things my dad and uncles engage in.
In Chinese culture the eldest pays which means the parents, oldest brother, or senior person, in the case of non-family its generally the host. Though it also seems like tradition for the adult to children to offer. Once when I was having dinner with my mom, my GF and another friend of mine. My friend slipped the waiter his credit card before the bill came and paid without the rest of us noticing. My mom was shocked when she found out that he had paid and while she didn't say anything publically privately fumed over it since she considered him both her junior and an invited guest. I had to tell my buddy later that he had unintentionally insulted my mom.
I'm Vietnamese and while we all argue over who pays etc, I don't think anyone has ever gotten mad that they didn't get to pay. That's weird to me.
Why wasn't I surprised to read this? That is a very cool story. Reminds me of the "it is my mom's custom to insult her own cooking" scene from Joy Luck Club. You should have warned your buddy... no?
