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[ESPN] Ex-Astro Derek Bell charged with possession

Discussion in 'Houston Astros' started by kaleidosky, Apr 20, 2006.

  1. kaleidosky

    kaleidosky Your Tweety Bird dance just cost us a run

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    http://sports.espn.go.com/mlb/news/story?id=2415413

     
  2. Saint Louis

    Saint Louis Member

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  3. rocketfat

    rocketfat Member

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    wow...he's only 37?
     
  4. Roxfan73

    Roxfan73 Rookie

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    Glad to see that "Operation Shutdown" was such a success!
     
  5. Aceshigh7

    Aceshigh7 Contributing Member

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    Don't forget Operation Slurpee as well...

    http://www.spitter.com/spitter_operation_slurpee.htm

    [​IMG]

    Bell Begins "Operation: Slurpee"

    Building upon the recent success of "Operation: Shutdown", which garnered his release from the Pittsburgh Pirates, former MLB outfielder Derek Bell began "Operation: Slurpee" at a local Pittsburgh 7-Eleven last week.
    Bell accepted the position of night cashier with the nationally- recognized chain of convenience stores in order to replace some of the income he lost upon his release from the Pirates. Instead of providing a veteran bench presence for the young club, Bell will now be peddling packages of Donut Gems, restocking the spoon straws, and reciting the phrase "Pump two is on for the red car" several hundred times a night.

    "This may not be as glamorous as being a baseball player, but I like it," said Bell as he leafed through a copy of Menopause Mamas Monthly. "I seem to have a knack for knowing what the customers want. I'll see a guy come in, and I'll think 'He's on Operation: Big Gulp.' Or I'll see a lady in the snack aisle and I'll think 'She's on Operation: Moon Pie.' Or some guy will rush in at about 1:00 in the morning and I'll think 'This guy's on Operation: I ran out of condoms and my date's really horny.' I almost feel kind of psychic."

    MLB commissioner/dominatrix Bud Selig cited Bell's career choice as a warning to all players who put their own interests above their team's. "Bell should have tried his hardest to win the starting job in Pittsburgh," said Selig as he put on a skin-tight black catsuit. "Look at what happened to Randy Moss in Minnesota. He said that he only plays 100% when he wants to and now he's one of the most disliked figures in Minneapolis. Next to me, of course." Selig then took out his diamond studded cat-o-nine tails, and proceeded to whip Marlins owner Jeffrey Loira repeatedly while screaming, "Whose collective bargaining agreement is it? Whose is it?!?"

    "There may not be as many perks to this job compared to being a baseball player," said Bell as his shift was ending. "Sure, I'll miss the after game parties, the free drugs and hookers, the big money hotels we'd stay in on road trips. But here I get the respect I deserve as a human being, and all the Slim Jim's I can eat. Top THAT, Pirates! Now if you'll excuse me, I've got to go on Operation: Quick Dump before I head home."

    Pirates manager Lloyd McClendon was busy stealing Dolly Madison cupcakes and was unavailable for comment.

    (Story by Jeremy Wilhm)
     
  6. rrj_gamz

    rrj_gamz Contributing Member

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    Killer Buzz....
     
  7. HAYJON02

    HAYJON02 Contributing Member

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    Why the hell would anyone do crack knowing what it does to you? I've tried stuff but I would never ever never ever get near crack. ESPECIALLY if you've made bank like Bell.
     
  8. Castor27

    Castor27 Moderator
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    Now that is funny.
     
  9. Harrisment

    Harrisment Member

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    All crack has ever done to me is make me feel fantastic!
     
  10. Buck Turgidson

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    Sad. Whatever you thought about him as a player, he was always great with the fans & in the community.
     
  11. ima_drummer2k

    ima_drummer2k Contributing Member

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    I think it's been changed to Operation Snort-Up.
     
  12. Summer Song Giver

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    Wrong: Operation Dragon Chase
     
  13. CreepyFloyd

    CreepyFloyd Member

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    He always did look crackish
     
  14. kaleidosky

    kaleidosky Your Tweety Bird dance just cost us a run

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    makes you wonder if he has any of that bank left.
     
  15. weakfromtoday

    weakfromtoday Contributing Member
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    And now, throwing the ball into the crowd on the second out is beginning to make sense...
     
  16. A-Train

    A-Train Contributing Member

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    I am proud to say that I witnessed Derek Bell's only career grand slam, in the Astrodome...right down the first base line. That badboy barely made it over the wall, too...we're talking 325 ft 1/2 inch...
     
  17. Drewdog

    Drewdog Contributing Member

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    What an idiot. Why do millionaires waste all that money on addictive substances?
     
  18. T_in_Charlotte

    T_in_Charlotte Contributing Member

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    Did I read that article right? Did a former athlete actually admit that it was, indeed, his pipe? I'm stunned!
     
  19. King of 40 Acres

    King of 40 Acres Contributing Member

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    [​IMG]

    Wanna get high?
     
  20. The Real Shady

    The Real Shady Contributing Member

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    You would think with all of that money they can at least afford blow.
     

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