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Do you snoop?

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by Bäumer, Mar 4, 2014.

  1. Bäumer

    Bäumer Contributing Member

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    I am wondering. I am in a bit of a dilemma myself.

    My girlfriend (She is 25 and I am 24, we have been together for 7 months and we just moved in together) and I were looking at Facebook together on Sunday on her computer when she checked her messages. She was responding to a family member when I saw another message that she sent a guy. He is an old friend and doesn't live in Houston and they haven't spoken in about a year but the content of the message was upsetting (it had nothing to do with infidelity). I called her out on it and she immediately apologized but it still bothered me. The way she was acting just didn't sit right with me.

    We argued about it for a little bit and she thought I was overreacting. She later left to go see her parents and I couldn't help myself. I know her Windows login because we occasionally share computers. I logged into her laptop and found that she was still logged into Facebook. I snooped (I know ... I know) and found several things that were troubling but not proof of anything in particular. It was still shady activity. I later questioned her about the things without hinting that I snooped and she lied to my face about everything. I feel like I can't trust her right now and I hate that. I have always trusted her.

    I guess I am asking ... do you snoop on your special other? Should I bring this up? Am I wrong for looking and getting upset? The things I found could be explained if I discussed it with her, they weren't anything damning. Part of me feels like what I found isn't enough to bring it up but her lying is burning a hole in my stomach.

    I need some unfiltered and unbiased advice. Thanks!
     
  2. RMGEEGEE

    RMGEEGEE Contributing Member

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    Time to be the lion and show her why you're the king of the safari.
     
  3. JD88

    JD88 Member

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    If you cant trust her, you may as well end it.

    Trust is everything.

    What are you gonna do when she goes out with 'her friends'? Sit at home and ponder who she's really going out with? Or follow her?

    Honestly, from a guy who didn't trust his girlfriend and ignored it, if you can't trust her, end it now.
     
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  4. DonkeyMagic

    DonkeyMagic Contributing Member
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    [​IMG]
     
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  5. LonghornFan

    LonghornFan Contributing Member

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    I do not snoop at all. Not on my wifes phone, her FB, anything. Just not something I'm worried about, but we're both older than you and yours if that even matters.
     
  6. Joshfast

    Joshfast "We're all gonna die" - Billy Sole
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    Never quit your job before you have another, but start your search now.
     
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  7. justtxyank

    justtxyank Contributing Member

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    Were you wrong to snoop? Yes. She obviously shouldn't trust you either.

    Should you act on the information? Yes. This is not a court of law. Evidence doesn't get thrown out because it was obtained without permission.

    You both have reason not trust one another. You know she has lied to you about multiple things of consequence (assuming) and you violated her privacy and her trust by logging into her computer and reading her private messages.

    Sounds like you both deserve to get dumped.
     
  8. TheMystery008

    TheMystery008 Member

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    Right here.

    Trust is key in a relationship.
     
  9. Bäumer

    Bäumer Contributing Member

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    I trusted her completely until the other day. I am madly in love with her and the last thing I want to do is end it. I don't think she is being unfaithful but I do think she has some suspicious Facebook activity.
     
  10. boomboom

    boomboom I GOT 99 PROBLEMS
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    Get even. Sleep with her best friend/sister/mother.
     
  11. justtxyank

    justtxyank Contributing Member

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    What does this even mean? What are you suspicious she is doing? If it it's not about infidelity is it about a farm game? Did she steal someone's pigs?
     
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  12. BmwM3

    BmwM3 Contributing Member

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    Suspicious how? Flirting? Sending pics to a guy? This relationship won't end well since you got to this stage of snooping.
     
  13. rocketsfeeva

    rocketsfeeva Member

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    you opened up pandora's box, now you must reap what you sow.
     
  14. Bäumer

    Bäumer Contributing Member

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    Hahaha no. Her ex-boyfriend was commenting and liking all of her stuff on Facebook (I am not big on Facebook at all but she is) when we first started dating and it got annoying and I told her. She removed him as a friend with no struggle. A little under a month after removing him she sent him another friend request. She sent him a hello message a couple of weeks later but he never responded.
     
  15. Anas acuta

    Anas acuta Member

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    Be done with her. Trust me.
     
  16. SwoLy-D

    SwoLy-D Contributing Member

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    You're lying to yourself and you know it. "suspicious Facebook activity" will not get stop being suspicious to you, ever. :eek:

    Perfectly put right here. ^ Bravo, sir. :eek:

    AND, NO, I don't "snoop." The trust is gone. :cool:
     
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  17. Nook

    Nook Member

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    No I do not snoop and won't. If my wife is going to cheat, she is going to cheat and spying only leads to further distrust and a host of problem.

    For example, in your case you saw something you did not like and got upset and confronted her and there was a fight. No one won.... you feel she was inapropriate and do not trust her. From her perspective she feels that you are overly posessive and do not trust her...... then you snoop and get even more upset.... She then lied to you..... did she lie to you because she is doing something wrong, or did she lie to you because she does not trust the way you will react and knows there is nothing going on? ...... You just don't know, and that is why you gained NOTHING spying.

    If can tell you this much, if you confront her, you can kiss any trust between you all good bye. You have violated her personal space, showed no trust and spied on her.... that isn't right. You lose.
     
  18. ima_drummer2k

    ima_drummer2k Contributing Member

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    [​IMG]
     
  19. JuanValdez

    JuanValdez Contributing Member

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    My wife and I are just the opposite -- we have unfettered access to everything and will freely look at whatever we like. We have no expectation of privacy in anything.

    But, yeah, being married a long time changes the equation quite a bit. A guy in a 7-month relationship doesn't have much grounding to trust his girlfriend nor necessarily much reason to be trustworthy, and same for the girl. I wouldn't say one approach is better than the other, and it depends on the people. I do think if you approach the problem remembering that you love this person, your end will work out; if she comes with the same attitude, there will be no problem.
     
  20. Nook

    Nook Member

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    If he confronts her and admits he was snooping, he can kiss that relationship goodbye. She won't trust him and ultimately will leave him......

    Then again, like you said, it sounds like that is the reality anyway.
     

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