Eh, not sure what you think I'm saying. One of the situations is very complicated but the newer one is the one that conflicts me much more. I see this woman in a professional capacity and from the first time we met it was clear there was some special chemistry there. It hasnt gone anywhere serious but it's making me uncomfortable at this point and I'm not sure what to do about it because she is one of the most amazing people I've ever met. I don't know her home situation really well but I have a good feel for the type of person she is at this point. My sense is we wouldn't be carrying on like we do if she were happy in her situation. She is a thoughtful person and I don't sense this would be happening otherwise. I'm not pursuing it but it's just sort of happening. It's easy to get caught up in an infatuation and not realize that it's just that and nothing more. I can really see this though and it sort of freaks me out for that reason. I really trust that she knows what she wants and what makes her happy. I don't want to be responsible for someone's heartbreak but if she's not happy then it really doesn't matter. It's not my call. If you loved someone truly and they weren't happy with you, why would you want to keep them from being happy and fulfilled? People make mistakes when they marry, it's reality.
Sorry to hear what you're going through. This is a good place to vent, as it helped me vent out a lot of my frustrations when I went through my divorce. Don't worry about those that want to dog you. Everyone has their demons. Take care of yourself, and be a good dad. Do what you need to do to be happy.
You're kind of overreacting dude. One of the girls I have been best friends with for fifteen years, longer than she's been married. Her husband's idea of being a father and a husband is to pay the bills each month. He's a selfish, arrogant jackass who shouldn't be married. She's basically his chef, maid, chauffeur, and babysitter. I know her better than anyone on Earth. I know what she's thinking basically before she speaks. I know her like I know myself and vice versa. If anything, we are the ones that should be married. I just wasn't ready back then. There's little question that her and I would be happier together but she the fact is she has low self-esteem and doesn't have the courage to end it. Ive tried to simply be a good friend but she knows me well enough to k ow how to reach me on a certain level and she does that. Then when things get too real she stresses out and recoils. This ghats been happening on and off for 8 years now. The other situation is just something new that's come about. In fact I've talked to the first about the second. I like how you assumed the worst of me. Some creep preying on married women. Thanks for that.
It didn't sound to me like that is what he was assuming. Nor do I think he's overreacting, even given the details. Your affair is still an affair. Slowly has gone completely overboard here. Every once in a while he gets close to making a legitimate point, but then veers back into insanity.
When i first read Fyreball's post, THAT (Some creep preying on married women) was exactly what i thought he was assuming. I even thought it myself. But after Cometswin's last post, i wouldn't label him a home wrecker. the women make their own choices and if they decide to have an affair with Cometswin, then their marriages were in shambles way before he got physical with them.
I'm not disputing that it's an affair. The fact is though these situations can be far more complicated and involved than simplifying things to the level of home wrecker.
while that's true, it doesn't change the fact that he's complicit in the matter. if a car's heading towards a cliff, I shouldn't give it a push... even if at the bottom of the cliff is a soft landing into a field of daisies and lollipops and oompa loompas... ... but especially since we're not sure what is at the bottom of the cliff in this analogy. Agreed. But still, have you informed the lady's husband about the affair? I'll assume not. There's a reason for the secrecy, no? There's a reason the word has a dirty feel to it. For all I know, the girl may be much better off if you weren't in her life completely. perhaps the only thing that has kept her in her marriage the last 8 years is having you on the side. Who knows? In which case, you'd be the opposite of home wrecker, potentially... you're the home saver. If you feel what you are doing is right, by all means keep doing it.
This is a possibility I've considered lately. That I fill a lot of the voids that exist on the marriage. I'm really not sure what to do about it. It's easy to talk about you should do this or that but it's hard to know the way when you're in the middle of it. I would never speak to her again if I thought that would ultimately be best for her and make her happy.
Comets, You really should be careful, if the husband does find out he may just shoot you. No way should you be in an affair, if she wants you she should be honest enough to leave her husband etc. I know it may seem convenient but the pain that you may put her family through (especially any kids) is really pretty selfish. DD
I apologize for the tone in my previous posts, and I probably did over-react a bit to your allusions of an affair, but infidelity hits a little close to home for me. However, regardless of how well you know your friend, you are still engaging in an extra-marital affair with her, bottom line. I never said it wasn't complicated, and I even stated that divorce or separation is probably BEST in a lot of cases, but I still think you (and any other person) should let that play out before you insert yourself in between two people who have exchanged wedding vows. I assumed the worst because frankly, it's true. No matter how you justifiable your actions may seem to you, at the end of the day, you are breaking apart a marriage by your physical actions.
Most people that end up in extra-marital sexual affairs never started out with the intention of doing so. All they wanted was a listening ear and a comforting word.
Agree... but there is a proper sequence of events that should be respected so that people don't get humiliated by the circumstances and live a lie and live through a tangle of deceptions. Cheating on a spouse is reckless.
Well after-all this is what you wrote: Not sure what you wanted us to believe but it was not a giant leap to get to romance whether sexual or not.
We all wish we could lead the lives we expect of ourselves. It's easy to say what's right and wrong until you're faced with something that so profoundly affects your happiness. I'm not the type of person that talks about love like it's a change of clothes. When you love someone so much that you would sacrifice everything so that they would be happy, it's difficult to turn your back on that person's love for you in the belief that it's the right thing to do.
