Normally, I wouldn't post again on this but today is the day I go to court and get my divorce finalized. I'm glad that you have such a great marriage. That is all I wanted in life but it wasn't meant to be - at least for now. However, divorcing her has made me into a better father even if I only see my son 80 days a year now. So, I don't regret getting the divorce because I felt I did what was best for my boy, but yes divorce sucks when you only get to see your child 20% of the year. So, in your eyes, SwoLy, I guess I should have stay married to a woman that was always arguing with me, getting physical with me in front of my son and her daughter, spending money irresponsibly, not able to get a full-time job, etc. Considering how confusing and annoying your posts are, I guess your mentality on this makes sense. Hang in there, stu and don't listen to clowns like SwoLy - if you feel like you did everything you could to save the marriage and it was still not enough, then you did all you could do. Some people are not meant to be for each other even though at one time it looked like they were. Take it from someone who is going through it right now, it will get better. I am a lot happier and a better father to my son. The hardest part as I said earlier is only seeing him 80 days a year.
I hope to never find out, but I sincerely hope that those of you going through it, recover unscathed and live a happy healthy life. DD
What would the point of that be? If you're miserable, you're miserable. Especially if you've tried to work it out.
Sorry to hear about it bro as well. I don't have any experience in this department, but if you need anything the bbs is always here for you. Aside from the occasional dumbass jokes you'll get, we're here.
thanks for the well wishes guys/gals... and for the sarcastic comments and those without the ability to comprehend when things are out of your control - a pray that you will never be forced to deal with a similar situation so that your nievete will always keep you blissfully blind. for what it's worth, i fought... like crazy.. been the worst year of my life easily. i did nothing wrong, but the hole in her heart left by her mothers passing was only filled by the rush of new infatuations. she convinced herself that i could no longer provide that level of passion. I do believe in til death do us part, and was willing to forgive and move on. for those simpletons out there that don't understand, it takes two to share the philosophy for it to work. i tried on every level i could. she has refused to leave the house and as a stay at home mom, ended up becoming dependent on me to find her a job. She now has the job. has recently leased a house (in my neighborhood - one of my few victories in defeat as it keeps my children by me). but she has also already moved into a new relationship that i watched develop as we were both (or I guess just me) trying to save the marriage. Living within this situation for the past 6 months with an additional 3 months of agony as I thought there was a chance to save the marriage, has taken a toll. I have three weeks until she moves out, and while i embrace the departure, it means I lose 50% of the time with my kids. One I adopted that was hers but has only known me as a father, and one of my own. My kids mean the world to me and so to the best of my power, i have maintained civility. but this too comes at a price. to be told by her prospective partner that he is frustrated because i have kept them apart until the divorce is finalized is infuriating. the level of depravity in society is mind numbing. and the more i hit the town and chat it up with women, i've been equally disgusted how many women view marriage as a nice outfit. it's something you were until the fashion changes and it quits suiting your mood. when out at the bars and sparking conversation, pay attention. i've found many of the women so eager for attention, are those that are married. i can't play this game. and so i'll walk alone for awhile. regroup my thoughts. make my house mine and love my children with everything i have. in time, i will be happy again as that is in my nature. unfortunately for her, her misery will continue on as she has never learned to find happiness in her self first. it's a shame sitting and watching someone struggle with something that so directly affects you and everyone you love, and yet not be able to get them to see through their charade. tldnr
Stud, You are a good man, and you did everything you could do, be there for your children, and when your ex realizes her mistake and tries to come back, stay strong, otherwise you will go through this again. Don't worry about what the kids on here say, they don't have the life experience to understand the gravity of their comments. Be strong, be a great father....your kids and you deserve it. DD
one last note. i'm beginning to believe in the concept of not marrying a beautiful woman. while we all have temptation in our lives, men are relentless while women are generally more subdued in the flirtation (for the most part - yes there are always outliers). and i absolutely subscribe to the when harry met sally rule. keep your wives off of facebook. let them know you love them. and always say yes, even when you're tired and want to say no.
Good luck with everything, stu. Sounds like you did the right thing. Take care of and love your kids and move on with your life...
sorry to hear this stu, stay strong until better days come....everything always ends up working out for the best
Divorce in some ways was the best thing that ever happened to me. It is a trial by fire that only the mentally strong survive. When you're forced to walk through that fire it burns away the part of you that still tries to people-please and give ****s about what other people think and hold onto feelings you can't admit had gone away. People do change. It will be rough, the roughest thing that can happen. But I've watched some of my best friends go through it and lose access to their kids, and I can't even fathom how hard that must be. Focus on bettering yourself and remaining positive. Best of luck to you.
Thank you! Hey, just don't get married next time, OK? People change! Nice tags. :grin: Funny! EDIT: Nice and classy on the name-calling. I probably deserve it... from a classless guy... is that why she... no, never mind. Why do you say that? Maybe they get in facebook what they're not getting at home! Why stop them?
no, i've never been divorced. but as a child of divorced parents, here is some advice: don't use your child as a guilt trip to salvage the marriage. i understood why my dad did it, but it just made me resent him.
Never been married, but I have had an engagement broken off recently. It sucks man, but you will be able to rebuild your life. Will keep you in my thoughts. I don't know about the "keep your wife off of facebook" portion though....I have seldom known a man who restricts pretty heavily her wife's exposure to friends or male friends to have a happy marriage. If someone is worthy of your trust, you can trust them....if they aren't trustworthy then whatever measures you institute to maintain "control" are illusory.
really man? if you're wondering, i doted on my wife. prior to the beginning of the end, we went through the greatest extended period in our relationship. then depression from her mothers passing set in and an old boyfriend started continually pinging her. it wasn't that she didn't get what she needed at home. but in any marriage of an extended period, the highs come and go and rarely match the fire captured in the infatuation with someone knew. I speak from experience, but had enough self control to not act. both of her affairs were directly attributable to facebook. not saying she wouldn't have found someone without the device, but it made the process incredibly easy. i've spoken with several men & women with respect to this (specifically women who have cheated and come to regret it), and many cite facebook as the vehicle that made it happen. even recently, there was a news report devoted to this. if you choose to be an ass, there's nothing i can do about it, but your lack of respect and kuth is somewhat disheartening from a long time bbser not name ffb. fwiw, in the end of any relationship, both parties have responsibility. i have never shyed from mine. It has also become more and more clear that we were probably not meant to be. Lord knows I could never take her back now. but when kids are involved, it hurts all the more.
So so true, and the kids just don't understand. Hopefully you and your ex will keep it civil and play nice in front of them. Because the kids will always harbor hope that mom and dad will get it together again. I went through 3 divorces as a kid....mom and dad married, divorced, mom remairried (Bad man) then divorced him and married my real dad back again...then divorced again and both got remarried. It is not easy as a kid watching all of that....IMO the focus should always be on the kids, sacrifice your personal life so that they have a better one. DD
now this point i accept and understand. you can't be controlling. i never did limit her interaction with old friends, guy friends, or facebook. i had the ultimate trust in her. obviuosly that has now been demolished and i speak from a jaded point of view.
Swoly do you realize that if it weren't for those Spaniards ****ing their religion into your brains 500 years ago you'd be worshipping a Sun God sipping chocolate and herb tea and stacking gold in some hidden valley?
I'm not disrespecting anything. Call it whatever you want. Of course I asked about the FaceBook thing. You think people go through other avenues or to other places to find something they already have at home? I don't. If I give my spouse what she needs at home, she doesn't need to find it anywhere else. If I fail to do that, she's got every right to go look for it somewhere else. I have a responsibility at home to give her what a spouse should give someone to whom I've sworn loyalty. I agree with what Major said. Trust is trust. Sure. Why not? At least I'd be honoring a promise I make to my child-bearing woman.
