Some things that happen to you are beyond your control however. I can love my enemy but I don't want to be married to it.
i dont' think so. i've been "in love" with more girls than girls i've truly loved. love is a daily decision. some days it's easier than others.
No but now I'll have to hunt down Rhester now to see if he's my long lost twin brother. I normally stay out of D&D because it can get out of hand pretty quickly, but there some interesting topics in here.
oh, legalism. if we never move past seeing things so legalistic we will never understand grace - the only reason for hope.
Rhester just got over the flu and didn't want to give it to anyone on the BBS ArtV- carry on. Very good subject here. (feeling much better)
God designed that a man should leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife. From the beginning God designed marriage to be a union that provides the right relationship for raising children. Actually marriage is more about covenant than love. In the Old Testament book of Malachi the prophet wrote that God asks " Why have you broken up with the wife of your marriage covenant? ... I made you both one so that I would have Godly children... (this is why) I hate divorce." (read chapter 2 verse 10-16) Love is the right behavior in a marriage. As MadMax said- it is a daily choice not a feeling.
I loved my future wife long before we married. We lived together for years, off and on, before we married, and I loved her then. After we were married, we decided we probably wouldn't have kids, loving our freedom so much to do as we pleased, and didn't change our minds until I was 40, and she was in her mid-'30's. We loved each other the whole time. Sorry, Max and Rhester, but I just don't buy the "love is a daily choice" argument. Max, I understand that you are trying to separate different kinds of love, but when it come to the person you share your life with, we are really talking about one kind of love, aren't we? The love we have for our children is different, but much the same. We would lay our lives down for the partner or the children, and not have to think about it, right? All there is, is love. The Beatles said something about that. There is more, obviously, but nothing quite so sweet. Keep D&D Civil.
I completely disagree with this statment. 1) Marriage is not about love. Marriage is about living the rest of your life dedicated to the person you love. 2) I can't friggin' stand it when people refer to the "piece of paper". Marriage is a commitment in both the spiritual world, and the physical world. God may not care about the piece of paper, but Uncle Sam does. That "piece of paper" is the physical-world personification of your commitment.
My views on marriage have Christian origins, but don't necessarily follow any specific denomination (or maybe not even the Bible for that matter)... I believe that God created man and woman (through evolution). I believe that God intended for man to hook up with woman (and that homosexuality is therefore against God's wishes). I believe that marriage is not about love; marriage is about living the rest of your life dedicated to the person you love. I believe that marriage is a combination of commitments: man committing to himself, to woman, to God, and to the world. Woman committing to herself, to man, to God and to the world. I believe that there are a few factors which may appear in marriage that make divorce acceptable (physical abuse, infidelity, and extreme emotional abuse). (notice, I said 'extreme' emotional abuse - that's important) I believe that if none of the three items mentioned above are present in a marriage, then the man and/or woman should not get divorced and should work very hard to make the marriage work. I believe that divorce is sinful. I believe that homosexuality is sinful. But then again, so is calling someone a jerk. We sin. We should try not to, but we do. So, to say that divorce is sinful doesn't really mean much. If we go around pointing at sinful things, we'll find that there are lots of things to point at. I believe that anyone with an attitude of "marriage shouldn't be difficult" or "you have to do what makes you happy" doesn't truly understand the concept of marriage. And I believe that all sins are forgivable. (on a side note, regarding homosexuality: The fact that I consider it sinful doesn't mean much. It doesn't mean that I think gay people are terrible human beings. And it doesn't mean that I treat them worse than anybody else. It's their life - if they want to sin, it's their choice. As long as it doesn't negatively affect someone else, I don't give a damn. I see my friends and family members sin all the time. That doesn't mean I love them any less.)
Nothing wrong with love, "Love, love me do You know I love you I'll always be true so please, love me do oh, love me do" Sounds like you have a good marriage. The 'daily choice' is a good way of stating the enduring side of love. That part that will not break down because of differences or conflicts. It is the love that kept Jesus from changing His mind.
love is a commitment. it requires something of you. there are feelings of infatuation...feelings about your wife the day you meet her and feelings you have for her today. feelings change. commitments shouldn't. love asks of you. i've been in arguments with my wife where i really didn't want to see her. didn't want to be around her. but i don't choose to stay that way. i choose to forgive...i choose to examine how the problem was my fault to begin with. i don't HAVE to choose that way. my emotions certainly don't ask me to do that in those moments. but i do them anyway. because i choose to. because i've commited to her. that's far more reliable than what the chemicals swimming around inside me would have me do, otherwise. it's placing someone above yourself...that's a choice. i'm with droxford...if your wife has abandoned you physically or emotionally, then there's not much there to preserve. you make an effort...you try...but you can't control your spouse.
Don't you choose to do this because you love your wife and this love far outweighs momentary (or even prolonged) irritation and disagreements. I think love is a lot more complicated than a "choice" or something that just "happens". I don't think you can randomly pick someone off the street and choose to love them and build a long term successful relationship or family with them. That said, true, enduring love is not easy and I don't think it just happens. It does as you say "ask of you". You have to see beyond your ego and your needs. In this love a person choses to do the difficult things that you mention, let go of the anger, examine your own actions, etc.
I think most Americans are lucky to be in a position to marry someone they love. Many parts of the world still practice arranged marriages, which might not be as bad as it sounds in the long run, but would sound unthinkable for most Americans today. Most marriage traditions have their roots in arrangement rather than personal choice, whether through parents or religious figures. The concept of love in marriage was an added bonus if it ever did happen. Most married for the mutual well-being of their families. Current trends in marriage and divorce are symptoms of growing pains in society because the needs that spawned old traditions have become irrelevant and new wants from new social influences (capitalism, romanticism, liberalism) have clashed with remaining traditions and practices. Parents don't have as much control over their children, whether by choice or not. Husbands don't have the right to beat their wifes. Women don't need men for financial security. Women have the right to have sex with different people....women have the right to sin publicly... It's interesting to observe how organized religion has responded to these new trends. Christian thought today is drastically different than predominant Christian thought 200 years ago. It'll live on and probably be much different 50 years from now....
Glad I went back and read the start here... I could only comment on a Christian marriage where vows are made to God. I think if parents are planning on arranged marriages they better be some very very very wise parents. Too wise for me. I certainly wouldn't try it with any of my children.
This is an interesting topic and I'll be back with more, but I believe Jesus forgives if you repent...I am divorced and it was hard, from a religious standpoint, but had to be done...Is divorce a sin, from a literal standpoint, yes, but again, Jesus forgives...
