Two ways to look at it... 1) She's being honest and you want that in a relationship...brutaly honest, but honest nonetheless... 2) She doesn't believe in you, which is what you want in a partner... Tricky situation as she may have been a little more tactful in letting you know, but if its something you truly believe in, then this argument will only continue to grow... Only way to solve is to find out if this is something she can get behind...
No, I get it. It's unfortunate that she doesn't believe in you, but if that's the way she feels (especially if it has merit) then I think she was right in telling you up front like she did. That's all I'm saying.
How could it have merit, though? There is no plan, therefore, there's no way to know what would be involved in building a successful business and no way to know whether the OP has the appropriate skills or not. She could've just as easily have said "Go into business for yourself? You can't sing" and have it had as much relevance to the issue at hand.
I mean merit based on their history together. Something that causes her to feel strongly that it would be a very risky and potentially disasterous for him to take on something as involved and difficult as starting a business. She wouldn't have to know too many details about the proposition to get to that point.
You wife's answer is very typical. A lot of women are very risk averse and that's just the way it is. 4 years ago, I quit a good job with a very very large company everyone has heard of (after 17 years) and went to work for a small company of 8 people. Everyone thought I was "throwing away" what I earned, including my wife. She didn't support me at all. It turned out great and it was the best employment decision I've ever made. I think you could be taking this too hard. I'd have to know more about you and her. My wife is a good woman but she values security and stability.
Yes she would have to know more details than the very vague "a business". Just as if my son comes to me and says "I want to get a job", I can't say that he doesn't have the skills for it if I don't know what job he wants to have. Given that the OP is apparently responsible enough to hold down a job and do nearly half of the laundry, there are very likely a whole bunch of businesses he could run successfully. Unless and until some more of the specifics of the business idea come to light, there really is no way to know. I've know people with fewer skills than that run successful businesses.
Just remember 95% of small business fail within the first five years. Not saying you cannot do it, but the odds of creating a successful small business is not high.
Depending on the definition of "almost anything" as well as the amount of effort needed in "apply yourself" this is essentially true. That being said, people who have an intimate knowledge of another person (in general, not necessarily in your situation), tend to have a pretty good idea if that person has the wherewithal to achieve their particular goal. For example, if either of my grown children tell me of a particular goal they have, I would know if they would be able to have the fortitude to achieve that goal.
Might you take the time to learn what is required to achieve said goal before you dismiss it, though? For example, my older son is in college right now. Had he come to me when he was graduating high school and said "I want to go to college", I wouldn't have dismissed that out of hand. Had he said that he wants to be an orthopedic surgeon, I might question his ability to achieve that based on his past performance, etc. There is not a universal set of skills that every business owner must have. The specifics of the business and the business plan are a significant factor in the skills that will be necessary to be successful at said business.
Since 90% of ALL small businesses fail, regardless of the "details", I would say that they weren't all that essential to her forming an opinion.
If there isn't a particular field/business you're passionate about enough right now to even mention when bringing up your own business to your wife, I understand where she's coming from when forming her opinion. An out-of-the-blue comment about wanting to "be your own boss" rather than having a long term dream/desire to be in a business isn't going to inspire tons of confidence.
Men are hunters, we are always seeking to conquer. Women are nesters, they are looking to protect what they have. Moral of this post? Tell your wife how you feel, and don't take too much advice from a BBS. DD
Since her opinion is based on HIS ability to run a business, not about businesses in general, then I'd say the specifics are important. Considering that over half of all marriages fail, she probably shouldn't have gotten involved in that risky venture, either.
I know my kids well enough that I have a pretty good idea of the particular approach they would take with respect to whatever the particular goal is (job, start a business, add to their family, adopt a child, adopt a pet, move to a new residence, etc.). For example, if my 27+ year old daughter said, "I am going to apply for an accounting job at XYZ firm today". I know that's a bad idea and I would tell her (as well as telling her why). Now if she said, "my goal in 5 years is to be an accountant at XYZ firm", I would take a different approach. I think a really good example happened the other night on American Idol. A male singer (Colton?) was voted off. Paula's advice was to keep on singing, keep pursuing your dreams. Simon's advice was to get a real job and sing/practice in your spare time. While pursuing dreams/goals is a good thing, at some point folks need to realize that a particular dream/goal is not right for them. In my personal experience, I have a pretty good idea of how my wife and kids approach life. If any of them has a particular goal, I can give an accurate assessment of their ability to achieve that goal. Please note that I am not siding with the OP or his wife, because I do not know them or their situation. All of my thoughts and ramblings are how I deal with things or how I would expect things to be dealt with with respect to me.
But that's FAR more detailed than what the OP apparently said. He said he would some day like to start a business of some kind. In your example, it would be as if your daughter came to you and said "Some day, I would like to have a job."
No...it would be like his daughter walking in and saying "Some day, I would like to have a job that 90% of the people who try to do it, fail. As a result, they more than likely put their financial future in jeopardy because of it." Basically, starting your own business is about a million times harder and more risky than having "a job".
There are some people who are good at leading the charge, there are some who are good at following instructions, some who are well motivated, some who like to just get by. Not saying his wife is right or not, but sometimes you can tell certain type of people are not suited for certain type of career for the most part by their personality (there is no 100% correct prediction).
My whole point is that (as it relates to me), if I said something like the OP and my wife responded in kind, I would appreciate her honesty and I would also either know why or ask why she felt that way. In my case, I know my family well enough to respond with the candor that his wife did on most every topic.
