Except that I do. I cook every meal. I do about 40% of the laundry. I do 80% of the dishes... I do more housework than she does. Much more.
Wow! Does she bring home more money? Does she take on the full responsibility of taking care of the kids? If not, she really have no right to b**** about you starting your business.
None of us on this board can offer any advice on your particular situation simply because we do not know you and we do not know any of the particulars over the past 11+ years as to why your wife feels the way she does. As I wrote before, I would rather my wife give me her honest opinion, even if it is one I don't agree with. We are comfortable enough in our marriage to be honest with each other and if we disagree on something, we can rationally discuss it. I know she loves me unconditionally, but I also know she is pragmatic about life altering decisions. If I wanted to start my own business, I am sure she would have some doubts, but I could allay those doubts my putting together a solid proposal and plan and having her work with me to develop that proposal and plan.
Wife works at the school where our children go (not a teacher). Her salary is about 1/3rd of my salary.
Business fails. Sure. But if that's really what you want to pursue, she should at least give you a chance. Even if it means she have to sacrifice a little. Maybe delay on buying that pair of shoes she want, or maybe does a little more around the house to give you more time. It would bug the crap out of me if my girlfriend says something like that to me.
The truth is like a bear trap, it hurts like hell... but it keeps you grounded. Honesty is a vital component in any relationship, her concerns are valid and I don't believe she is trying to bring you down. Examine yourself and consider if you really have what it takes. Confidence is one thing; Persistence is another. "Nothing in the world can take the place of Persistence. Talent will not; nothing is more common than unsuccessful men with talent. Genius will not; unrewarded genius is almost a proverb. Education will not; the world is full of educated derelicts. Persistence and determination alone are omnipotent. The slogan 'Press On' has solved and always will solve the problems of the human race." - Calvin Coolidge
A couple of things that you need to take into account: 1. She may like the security of knowing that a paycheck is coming every two weeks whether you need it or not. 2. Even successful businesses tend to lose money at the start. If you are unable to absorb some short term losses, you probably shouldn't start your own business. 3. As a small business owner, you have to worry about things like self employment tax, etc. 4. You will not be around much, and even when you are, you will be working or thinking about the business. Take this for what it is worth. I started my own law firm about a year and a half ago. We are just now starting to make money consistently.
how good is your current job/pay? maybe she thinks that any business you are planning won't be an upgrade financially to what you have right now..
Here's the thing, though. The OP doesn't actually have any plans to start a business. He's just talking in very vague generalities. There's no reason to piss on the vague idea. All his wife is saying is that, no matter the business and no matter what would be involved in making such a business successful, she doesn't believe he has the ability to do it. That's not pragmatism, that's dismissal. If the OP ever gets serious and starts working on a plan to start his own business, then there's plenty of time then to discuss the specifics and let her opinions and concerns be known. It's not until he gets serious and starts to plan that he needs the grounding and devil's advocate stuff. ETA: My wife talks every once in a while about starting her own school for special needs kids. I'm personally skeptical of such an idea for various reasons, but there's no reason for me to express that now because she's just talking about something she might want to do in the future. If she ever comes home and says that she thinks now is the time to try, I'm goin to express my concerns in as supportive a manner as possible while also doing whatever it is I can to see if it's possible to do what she wants to do.
Dude, I so know exactly what you are talking about. My ex wife did the exact same thing to me and it absolutely brought me down. I wanted to make moves that would benefit all of us and she second guessed and questioned everything I did. It is scary enough to go out on your own and if she doesn't unwaveringly support you, then you are in for a very rough ride and most likely you will fail not only in your business but also in your marriage. I think that at this point, you have to decide what is more important, your business idea or your marriage. If you do the business without her approval, you will never hear the end of it and everytime something doesn't go right you will here, "I told you so". That will turn into serious resentment. From my experience, I think you are screwed no matter what you do because if you don't do the business, it will also turn in to resentment because then she doesn't trust and believe in you. I'm definitely not advocating divorce but that's what eventually happened to me. I found a woman that believed in me and trusts me completely. She knows I make mistakes but she is there to help get through those times. I absolutely believe that she is the reason that I have seen the success that I have in my own business today. What's awesome is that my ex wife sees this success and it pisses her off to no ends. Life is good my friend.
To be clear about something... I am not currently pursuing my interest in starting my own business. I am, and have been, working my secure 8-5 job to provide for my family. I do so because, as someone else has said here, taking such a career risk is very, very difficult when you have kids. This whole discussion is hypothetical. But I believe that, with a great business plan and with great persistence (as moe pointed out) I could succeed. It's the principle of her lack of support that bugs the crap out of me. I mean... .don't you believe in your wife? If your wife came to you and said that she strongly believes that she could _________, wouldn't you believe she was capable of doing it if she genuinely applied herself?
What a bunch of crap. He should thank her for killing a dream of owning his own business? IMO, his wife could have said it a little better. She could have said "If you're serious, you had better make sure you're 100% committed and ready to do this." I can't blame her for being worried and scared about such a thing. You should see the daily paranoia my wife is going through since we put our house on the market last week. However, it's kind of crappy for her to just attempt to shoot it down without any thought whatsoever. How many of you know WildSweet&Cool personally? Do any of you know him well enough to say whether he has the drive to do something like this? I sincerely doubt it. Be careful how you judge this unless you know those involved.
Sure, as long as she's not becoming a p*rn star. But kidding aside, I think there is a delicate balance in these types of situations. mrpaige brought up some good points, and I agree with Refman that one thing most spouses who aren't the breadwinners like about their marriages is the security. Next to love, security ($) is next on the list for a lot of people. If your ideas are good and you have the persistence you think you have, you should be able to win her over eventually if you decide to go through with it. If not, she could just be looking out for #1.
