I think its just a continuation of man's prehistoric need to be the provider. When you pay for a lady's dinner in public it implicates you as that provider. Also, weird as this is, dating use to be the same as courting. Guys don't really court women anymore, they pay 120$ on a tab and complain about it on the internet when it doesn't work out. I also think, like it was brought up before, the person who does the asking out does so with the understanding that they pay. You are essentially playing host. You don't have people over and expect them to do the cooking when you throw a dinner party. When they are close friends or family, sure, that changes, and I think it changes when you get to know someone better in a relationship as well. With my fiance, we have always had an understanding that I paid for "big dates" and she paid for "coffee dates." This was a silly and arbitrary rule, she could care less of how much I made or paid for (I was a law student when we dated, so I didn't make much). I guess we were the synthesis of what makes you most unhappy with the tradition, we did it just because. Now we plan on getting married and plan on splitting expenses in the future. How much married couples should partition their finances is another issue, and it really depends on each individual couple (some women don't work, some guys don't work, and I don't think "splitting it" in half always works). I think your need to split the bill is as frivolous as the other poster's need to pay the whole bill, and neither of you have the definitive say on how it should be. At the same time, it shouldn't be frivolous for the person you are dating. If your intention in dating is to find out whether there is potential for a relationship, then it is probably important for your date to know you want to split the bill. Not because you can't take him paying for it (because it's not an ego problem) but obviously your stance on the issue is indicative of what your values are and who you are as a person, ie this probably colors how you might view other couple-centric responsibilities. I think it does for TSchmal as well, that is to say, he probably does a lot of the heavy lifting when it comes to bills and major purchases.
which reminds me...one must know what kind of girlt hey're taking out as well. You probably wouldnt do well with the kind of girl thats too simplistic and prefers a drive through option, since you prefer fine dining, which is cool, but not for everyone....so the OP may be asking out women who don't fit his lifestyle or preferences. How did that happen?
Yeah, I completely agree...my style isnt for a lot of women. I usually go out with the snobby, high maintenance girl, so I usually dont match up well with the more simplistic type.
i've never jived much with rich, snobby guys. plus i'm a veggie. no matter where we go, i'm probably ordering the cheapest thing on the menu.
Well, I was exaggerating but not by much. We met at a BBQ in Pittsburgh. It was my last night in town on a trip to cast a play I was directing there later that month and she was there acting in another play at another theatre, but neither of us had a permanent address at the time (we were both working as freelance theatre artists then). We went back to her artists' housing after the BBQ because we'd hit it off and the next day I flew back to Houston to get my car and gather my things. Following up on that first night we spent together, we had a whirlwind email romance while I drove back up to Pittsburgh and I drove straight to the place she was staying. The theatre I was directing for had arranged housing for me, but she said "you can stay if you want" and I did. After that gig was up, neither of us knew where we were going next so we rented a place together in Pittsburgh, gave up the freelance life so we could settle down together, and later moved to Houston. So, in answer to the other thread about true love, I do believe in it. At first sight even.
You sound like a hell of a catch to me! Did TSchmal ever pick up on the fact that you're a chick? I was expecting some fireworks after that post, but you held back.
this thread makes my brain hurt. guess i haven't been in the dating world much. my mom always taught me to pay for myself.
I think it's a good policy. Men paying is probably on its way out anyway. It's a generational thing. I'm old and old fashioned.
I don't remember when I let my girlfriend start paying but I doubt it was too far into the relationship. I'm certain I have never let a girl contribute anything on the first three dates but beyond that I'm not sure. However, if a woman was insistent on paying at least a portion on a first date I would be ok with that I suppose. I have fun with it now that she pays probably 1/3 of the time when we go out. When it's time for the bill and she says she is paying I say things like "pay the man!" or "get your purse out." just to see how the waiter/waitress reacts. And because I like strangers to think I'm an *******.
After reading all the replies, this is the best advice since I was going to suggest coffee too. Think opposite, make women work for you. Not all guys can do this (even I still struggle) but believe me, it will make you a challenge and women love this. In the end, you will have to pay anyway right?
Dood what a pregnant female dog. I try to kiss on the first date that way you know if she's into you but not always. I get that kiss. I've had a couple first date smash, it's just a matter of how you talk to em and how nice you are and if your thoughtful. There never is a time you shouldn't pay unless she really insist on it, but even them just be like ok I'll get the tip and leave a nice tip for the waiter/waitress. It's a nice touch.
It doesn't work like that bro. It's courtship. You try too woo her. She is under no obligation to reciprocate your advances. If you wanted a guaranteed yum-yum, get a hooker.
It depends on the woman imo, If you get one of those self-independent ones I have no problem letting her pay If it's one of the needy ones who will slave away in the kitchen/bedroom for you, pay for everything!
