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Courtside thoughts from Portland

Discussion in 'Houston Rockets: Game Action & Roster Moves' started by Jeffster, Nov 22, 2003.

  1. Jeffster

    Jeffster Contributing Member

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    Courtside thoughts from Portland:

    Well, I live in College Station, and I can't afford airfare, so I had to walk the 2000 miles (or whatever it is) to Portland, but it was worth it, because I had a great experience at the Tulip Garden. I sat in section 400, seats z-ab, which is about 2 rows behind the bench I think. Anyway, I could clearly hear everything the players, coaches, refs, all opposing fans, and the cheerleaders said, and I figured I would post some exact quotes in here for you guys so you could share in my experience.

    I think you guys have been too hard on the players, saying they don't listen to Van Gundy. There were several examples last night where they listened extremely well an executed perfectly. Examples:

    JVG: "Okay, Yao has been dominating the post, so here's what I want on this play. Yao- you cut through the lane and get open. Steve, look and see Yao open, then look away and dribble the ball out of bounds."

    They executed that play perfectly.

    JVG: "Cat, you've been taking shots that are too high percentage. If you can, look for the off balance shot, you'll have a better chance of making Sportscenter. Oh, and by the way, if Yao is pulling down a rebound, grab it away from him and give it to Stoudamire."

    Cat: "You got it, Coach!"

    Looked to me like Cuttino did exactly what his coach told him on those too.

    The refs were mostly talking to each other about Michael Jackson all night, though right after they made that bad call on the charge against Mobley, Van Gundy went up to the two male referees and had a little conference.

    JVG: "So, you guys and Violet..you three ever....YOU KNOW..?"

    Refs: "hehehehheh oh yeah. ALL the TIME. In fact, we did it at halftime..heheheh"

    JVG: "Score!"

    Moochie: "what? ok, coach!" (takes off balance shot and misses)

    Of course I know everybody's wondering what is being said by the players when they're on the bench, so of course I memorized some things people said there too.

    Ewing: "So Yao, did you know General Tso when you lived in China?"

    Yao: "Nope."

    Ewing: "man, I love his chicken. It's finger-licken good!"

    Yao: "Me likey the flied lice"

    Ewing: "hahahahahaha. Yao, you're hilarious."

    Yao: "And you are not, big nostril man. Here, have a tissue!"

    Ewing: "by the way, that was a nice dunk. But next time, do more like Cato, raise your arm up higher, so the ball will slip out of your hands when you go up to dunk. You'll get on Sportscenter."

    Yao: "I take your advice under advisement. But my choices must be weighed against the other commands I receive from the tiny Bruce Lee who lives on my shoulder."

    Ewing: "man, I sure do love that chicken."

    8 year old fan: "ewing! can I have an autograph?"

    Ewing: "buzz off kid! unless you can bring me some chicken!"

    (further down the bench..)

    Moochie: "man, I miss my fro. I really do."

    MoTay: "me too. I used to stash my weed in there."

    Amaechi: "man, I really wish I hadn't tried that Bloussant stuff."

    Pike: "I wonder if one of those cheerleaders would go out with me...I'm gonna torch the Clippers Monday, their cheerleaders always turned me down."

    A Griffin: "send in Dirk! we need him!...oh yeah, he's not on this team...damn!"

    E Griffin: "hey, can I get a poster of a woman up on my cell wall so i can bust out like that dude in the movie??"

    (sorry, that last one I heard all the way from Eddie's jail cell in Houston)

    Before I wrap up, I know you're all wondering what was REALLY said in that little post game scuffle, so of course, I'm here to fill everybody in.

    After Stevie drove for the layup...

    Woods: "that was well executed Steven, congratulations on a hard fought game."

    Steve: "you talkin bout my mama?"

    McGinnis: "no, he just said--

    Yao: "I believe he said your mother needs the assistance of others to dress."

    Cat: "he said your mama need to be executed!"

    Rasheed Wallace: "gentlemen! this discussion is fruitless. Let us disperse and gather at another location later when we can properly engage in conversation about matters such as wardrobe and capital punishment over a few cocktails or white wine spritzers."

    Cat: "hey, you guys get in the locker room! Van Gundy's passing out game balls! and they got candy in em!"

    Yao: "whatever. I gotta go get Ewing some chicken."

    As I left the arena, I heard most of the Portland fans saying "man, this will definitely be the western conference finals matchup. The good thing is, in the playoffs, shooting percentages go down, so we don't have to worry about all this scoring. Hopefully it will be more of a 45-40 game in the playoffs."

    and the last conversation i heard as I left between two fans..

    Fan 1: "hey, didn't that Morris guy used to have a fro?"

    Fan 2: "yeah, I heard Van Gundy made him shave it off, so none of the other players could hide any weed in there."

    Fan 1: "hey, where's the business man who always sits behind the bench and takes notes about everything everybody says?"

    Fan 2: "Oh, he got ejected in the first quarter for taunting Mobley. I heard Ewing shouting after him 'Don't come back unless you bring chicken!!!'

    Some of those quotes may not be exact, I'm a little tired after walking back from Portland. But I hope to be able to make it to LA for the Clippers game. Should be a good one.

    later,

    Jeffster :)
     
  2. sweetie

    sweetie Member

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    tranamerica is that you ??:confused:

    Btw, I dont believe a word you just said.
     
  3. ima_drummer2k

    ima_drummer2k Contributing Member

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    You should lay off the mushrooms, dude...
     
  4. Roxnostalgia

    Roxnostalgia Contributing Member

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    That's one (time consuming) way to deal with an embarassaing loss.
     
  5. yipengzhao

    yipengzhao Contributing Member

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    do you think that he might be trying to be sarcastic?
     
  6. yipengzhao

    yipengzhao Contributing Member

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    Good peice of satire, Jeffster. From a literary standpoint though, it was a little long, I thought you lost a little bit of steam a the "yo mamma" part.
     
  7. PCMILLS

    PCMILLS Member

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    What's really bad is that I enjoyed the read more than watching the last 3 quarters. On top of that, I missed the first quarter.
     
  8. yipengzhao

    yipengzhao Contributing Member

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    OUCH... i'm sorry man... that was the only one worth watching.
     
  9. Tom Archer

    Tom Archer Contributing Member

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    Absolutely hilarious! Thanks man. After last night's debacle we needed that!
     
  10. jopatmc

    jopatmc Contributing Member

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    Funny stuff indeed. Little Bruce Lee on my shoulder, hehe.
     
  11. OrangeCountyCA

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    Very entertaining. Thanks alot. I'm looking forward to reading your report after the Clippers game.
     
  12. wizkid83

    wizkid83 Contributing Member

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    Great post, funniest thing I've read in a while
     
  13. michecon

    michecon Contributing Member

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  14. Pat

    Pat Contributing Member
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    That was grat Jeffster. Thanks for a day brightner, but I am a bit confused, are we getting chicken or not?
     
  15. hnjjz

    hnjjz Member

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    Thanks for the funny read!
     
  16. freshtomato

    freshtomato Member

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    Doesn't everybody have a little Bruce Lee sitting on their shoulder? Or is it just me and Yao?
     
  17. danjojo

    danjojo Member

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    Now THIS i can believe ! Good Stuff ! Keep posting and again, thanks for the insight from courtside Jeffster...
     
  18. nyofan

    nyofan Member

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    hahaha. Funny indeed. :D
     
  19. Rasselas

    Rasselas Contributing Member

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    Post more, Jeffster. The jokes are hit and miss, but any humor is welcome after that debacle . . .

    Nice work.
     
  20. rvpals

    rvpals Member

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    Thanks. We all need it after this game.
     

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