[couples question]Live with a significant other before marriage?

Yeah it takes more than just cohabiting but that is usually a part of it.

 

QUOTED FOR TRUTH.

This is an excellent point, S2K.

"Oh, hey, honey... I bought a house... I didn't give a ***** what YOU thought about where I should buy it, or which house I should buy. Wanna move in with me?" <- allright, so I'm paraphrasing... In a few months: "WHAT? You want me to put flowers in THIS BATHROOM?!?!?!? I bought this house! You don't tell me what to do! " LOL!

C'mon, now. I can see the potential arguments there.

 

I've lived with a few girlfriends and had different experiences and life lessons learned.

What I learned is that you need a lot of space. You don't have the luxury of taking off back to your place in the event of a fight or argument whe living together. So unless you both have impressive communicating/problem solving skills there will be tension. Living in a cramped 1 bedroom flat is not condusive to happy nights.

Also, it's better to get a new place together as opposed to moving into an exsisting one. I found that pre-established territories can lead to unwelcome skirmishes.

An ex I lived with couldn't for the love of god go to sleep unless I was in bed. I'm a bit of an insomniac so this irritated the hell out of me. The sex was the best evah though!!!!

I have a bunch of other stuff that has more to do with my paticular situations but in general I would say get alot of space and find a place together.

 

It is really a mixed bag. If both are of the same mind on the marriage issue, it can be just fine. But if the woman wants to eventually marry, and the guy doesn't want to think about marriage, problems can become very ugly in the future.

Also, if he buys a house and you move in without being married, the house is his property. You have no claim to any of it, even if you have been putting your money toward the payments. He can boot you out at any time, and possibly have you arrested if you don't leave. You have lost any money that you put into it, and he will have gotten the benefit of those payments.

I am not saying don't do it. I am saying that if you are going to do it, you need to consider all the possibilities.

 

That's my take also. When I've moved in with someone, I didn't feel the need to consult many people about it. I was really excited to try it. So Lady Di, if you're not psyched at the idea, I'd say just wait.

For my personal experience: 8 years cohab, followed by 2, going on 3, of marriage to Mrs. B-Bob. I don't think the cohab helped or hurt; we've enjoyed the whole adventure pretty evenly.

 

6 months living together, engagement, then 14 more months of living together before the wedding.

I knew she was the one though.

Prior to that, about 9 months with another gal. It was weird. Good for the primary wants and needs of a guy, but weird... just didn't feel right.

 

QFT.
I hope this will be the case for me.
Finances, communication and Space,are all major things. I lack a lot in those first two things and I always want space.

Lady Di, I say wait until you're fairly certain he's the one you'll wanna marry before you move in.

 

all fixed.

 

Rockets2k is somewhat correct.

You have to be "eligible to be married" and "agree to be married". The court will look at how the two people conducted themselves with major proof being accorded to how they held themselves out to other people.

 

This is completely different in Netherlands.
Most people first life together for some time before getting married. Marriage is not a goal. It is just another step.

I have been living with my girlfriend for about 3 years, and last year we bought a house. We will probably get married in 1 or 2 years. It is a good way to get to know your s.o.

In the Netherlands the people that only life together after marriage are the religious people

 

Seriously, just do it. You might as well try it out and see how it goes. It might not work out and you can just get it out of the way. Or it could work out fine and then you will have no doubts at all about marrying him.

 

My wife and I lived together for a couple of years before getting married. I think it was well worth it. IMO, it should be a foregone conclusion that you're going to move in with each other and not something that one side should have to ask for. If you BOTH don't know that you should be living together, don't do it. It just make things go south quickly.

 

It's hard to say as the answer to this question varies greatly. I wouldn't be able to do it unless I was engaged and even then, I would probably only move in with my wife (or future wife) about a month or so before we were actually married. I could never see myself living with a woman for months even years before getting married. I do understand why many people do it - it helps them to get to really know the other person and if things don't work out, you can leave without having to go through a divorce. However, Refman made some excellent points on the dangers of living with someone and not being married to them (especially if they are a real property owner).

I met my wife and about a month after meeting, I lived with her in her parent's home (but we slept in separate bedrooms). After a month of this, I knew I wanted to marry her and she felt the same way. Granted, we had a lot of problems because we were still learning each other and we had to learn each other now as husband and wife. But, I still feel that we would have had some problems even if we had dated longer - mainly because I was set in my ways on some things and the same with her. Marriage is a compromise and the first couple of years can be really hard (at least when it comes to compromise) if you are used to living by yourself.

Finances are something you should definitely talk about. I made the mistake of not addressing that with my wife and that issue nearly split us up. We still struggle with it sometimes but it isn't nearly as bad as it was. I think that is another reason so many people don't want to commit to marriage so that they can keep a little bit of freedom and not feel tied down, especially when it comes to sharing finances and having to pay on someone else's debt.

My wife and me are both Christians and we are trying to raise our daughter to be a Christian as well. Because we are doing this, I would not personally recommend living with someone before you are married unless you really have no other option (like a hardship case) and you should be engaged. However, I understand that is what I believe and that everyone else is not going to see that in the same way. So, do what you think is the right thing in your heart. Good luck.

 

Exactly...good decision...

Why buy the cow, when you can have the milk for free...

 

I'm glad you two were able to talk things out and come to a decision that you both respect. Things will work out someday - today just wasn't that day.

 

Was he a little pissed off? I bet he hates clutchfans now.

 

i've lived with lots of girls on a permanent and part-time basis. sometimes a guy just needs a shower, ya know?

 

xcharged beat you to it. Fail.

¡Goooool... gooooOoool... Goool...GoooOoOOoooolazooooo!!! AZO! AZO! AZOooOOoo!

us geeks in a BBS 1
Boyfriend_Di 0

Game over!

 

Macbeth? Is it you?

Major props to OP in this thread for updating us. Nice to finish the story (for now).