It is a rollar coaster FOR SURE !! My wife and I are 12 years in...17 in the relationship, and there are rocky times for sure but it is all worth it. DD
RM, First of congrats on the way things turned out and second you should be very proud and have a great sense of self worth with the way you handled the situation... These little "learning experiences" are what builds character and will ultimately help not only your relationship, but make you a better person as well and to go through all this and come out on top is something you should be very proud of.. YOU DA MAN!!
You know I was thinking that too, but my money is on Lexapro... Congrats...Not many people get that second chance...Love is a great thing and I wish you the best...
Congratulations, RM95! I am so happy for you. I want to share something with you that is in my house (part of it): "Love is patient and is kind; love doesn't envy. Love doesn't brag, is not proud, doesn't behave itself inappropriately, doesn't seek its own way, is not provoked, takes no account of evil; doesn't rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." That is from 1st Corinthians, chapter 13, verses 4 through 8. I think of that scripture whenever I get upset with my wife. Something else that I do is ask myself, "Is this really worth arguing about?" In other words, I try to do a better job of picking my battles. My wife and me are closer now than we have ever been. That doesn't mean that we won't have our problems, but I can honestly say that there is nothing that we can't overcome. I know I couldn't honestly say that several months ago. It also has helped me to look at it like this - this person that I married is someone that will be with me til the very end no matter what good or bad happens. Having that attitude has done wonders for me. Keep up the good work, RM95.
I'm so happy for you, blake. You're an awesome guy and you deserve to be happy. Cherish everything!!! Have fun with your love when she comes back.
No, that is extremely healthy, and can really lay nice groundwork to a solid message. A lot of times counceling is just learning constructive ways to communicate and work through problems. If that is established before the marriage even starts, then it is a good thing.
Funny, I thought it was because RM95 was being a selfish ass. But seriously, that is good for you. You said you have worked so hard to improve yourself but the key is to get it to the stage where you are not working so hard...where it is just "you". I know one must always work on oneself so I don't mean in abstract terms. I hope that makes sense. My marriage had a brief patch where there were some issues that were really mine. I got over it and such things will never be an issue again (it wasn't a personality issue, it was more of a life outlook/background one). People say marriage is hard work but it really isn't if you get it to the "good" point where you are like one living (but detachable) organism.
Are you showing up with flowers? Do you have something special planned? You know what I would do? I would get down on my knee and tell her that you would propose all over again ! DD
Actually, that's what I'm doing. She hasn't been wearing her rings and I'm going to be on one knee when she walks in the door with candles, etc.
Well, it definitely has not been easy. Learning to live with another person, especially a woman (no offense to the few females we have on this board) can be extremely difficult, especially when you were a bachelor as long as I was. I mean, I know I can be an ass to live with (I had 4 different roommates my freshman year in college!) but I also know that there is no one in the entire world that loves me like my wife does. When I look back at what my life was like before she came along, I realize how incredibly easy it was but also how incredibly lonely it was. So, now I am not able to be on the BBS all the time like I was in the past. So, I am not now able to buy 15 or 20 CDs a month. So, I have to spend time now watching the Disney Channel and/or Noggin. So, I now have to worry about doing dishes, making out a financial budget to go by, fixing dinner from time to time, etc. Let me tell you something - when my wife was gone last weekend from 5 o'clock Friday morning until she returned around 11 o'clock Sunday night all I found myself doing was thinking about her and what she was doing. I mean we had been married 7 months and I had the weekend all to myself (my daughter was with my parents for most of the weekend). So, it was like there was a part of me that said, "This weekend should be like the way it was before I got married." But I found out that it wasn't all what I thought it was going to be. My point is that when you finally find that right person - you want to do everything to please them and spend every waking moment with them. I think many people who get married go into it thinking that but once things don't suit them or once they realize they can't change their spouse to what they want them to be, they get disillusioned very quickly. I always try to focus on the good things about my wife and remind myself that I don't want to experience another weekend like last weekend. If not seeing her for 3 days was hard, I don't even want to imagine what not seeing her for the next 40 years would be like. Just remember, RM95, that you always have us to turn to if you need that outlet - congrats, again.
My experience was opposite your scenerio. I was married for 20 years and we took a lot for granted. We did not honor the marriage the way marriage deserves. I love her to this day, but she is gone. I take life on a day to day basis and am finding new and wonderful things about myself and people that I never knew. I won't predict whether the past can be fixed nor am I going to worry about it. Not anymore. Whatever happens, happens. We all should appreciate each and every day we have. To share that with another person is a very special thing. Everybody goes through peaks and valleys, but in the end we all choose whether we're happy or not. If most of us could stop playing God and treat each other as we would like to be treated, we would see many more happy days. I certainly fell under that. I didn't think so, but I have spent enough time by myself and therapy to learn some things. Of course, quitting alcohol (6 months), meds (2 months), and recently smoking (week 2) can make you see things differently. If I can't understand who I am, why should I expect anyone else to? I'm happy see those who attempting to fix their marriage. It can be well worth it. Peace out Brother.
Jesus I think Im going to cry.................... Seriously. Man me and Cia Cia are really pulling for you guys!
Dude. This is no time to bring up the Central Intelligence Agency... twice even to top it off... We're talking LOVE here, man! L<3Ve!
Congratulations. I just read the thread and even though, as a reader of this thread, I am curious about why the sudden change of heart occurred and the whole thing with the Vegas trip (do you know the girlfriend that was supposed to go with her?), etc., only from what I could read here, I guess it is better not to dig in the past and try to understand. I hope things will work out for you.
That's better than my idea. I would have been passed out drunk at a friend's house when she got hom and just left a note on the table reading, I guess your idea would be a slight improvement.
