That grows exponentially when you have kids as well. I still have night outs or going to watch the Texans' games with the friends, but that will be it. I know that if you promise the wife something, you better come through. RocketMan95, I know that you weren't being serious by answering "phenomenal" to my question. I asked it not to be an a-hole, but to know if that was one of the reasons for whatever was causing trouble. I think SEX really really enhances a relationship and should be something that exists in every [relationship]. I believe that if the bodies fit, and the sex is great, everything else should fall into place... sex should be something Hmmm... I remember a certain "How important is SEX in a relationship?" thread. I'm gonna have to go dig that up.
It is certainly a component, but certainly isn't everything. The sex in my marriage was great. So much so, that when I finally talked to my ex in a rational manner a couple of years later, she even conceded that the sex was better with us than her current situation. Needless to say, it ain't the make or break part.
Great sex has nothing to do with a successful marriage...It's part of the equation, but it can only mask the problems for so long...Intimacy and trust play a lot larger role, IMHO than sex...
Um, no I wasn't. Even though we haven't had as much of it lately, it's always been phenomenal. Major Malcontent and others, She's not trying to change me in anyway. Here's what happened in our relationship. When we met, we fell in love almost instantaneously. It was great, I could talk to her on the phone for three or four hours at a time, something I've never been able to do. Unlike my past serious relationships, my wife was not controlling in anyway. She didn't mind me hanging out with my friends, she didn't mind me going out without her, she didn't mind me watching sports with my buddies and all my friends loved her. Of course, in the beginning of the relationship, a lot of that was done together and we still spent a lot of time together alone. However, as the relationship went along, I started to take advantage of that basically because I'd never had a relationship with a significant other who allowed those things. As the euphoria of a new relationship began to wear off, the quality time spent alone dwindled without a reduction in spending time with my friends. That's when she began to be unhappy. That euphoria was gone and I wasn't spending much time with her at all. We would hardly ever go on dates or anything like that. She expressed her frustration and tried to change things. When it was clear that things weren't changing and we were starting to fight more, that's when she began bringing up counseling nearly a year ago. I held off and thought it was a crazy suggestion. However, I became more and more unhappy with the relationship as well. I didn't like the constant bickering, but I refused to admit that counseling would help things. I thought it was just that whole "first year of marriage is the hardest" type crap. I did slow down on going out with friends and started to spend more time with my wife. However, we'd still have our bickering and you could feel the tension. Finally, I agreed to the counseling after resisting it for so long. That's how we got to this point. Oh yeah, almost forgot, thrown in a boyfriend throwing out jealously when his girlfriend's best friend passes away; a boyfriend/fiance who never went to visit his cancer-stricken future mother in-law when she was in M.D. Anderson for a month and, although unbeknownst to me, not expected to live; a fiance who did as close to nothing as humanly possible in the planning of our wedding; and someone who likes to throw things or threaten to hurt themselves when they are in a fight about getting divorced. I'm extremely lucky I've lasted this long. They always say there are two sides to the story, but I'm sorry, there's not this time. This is all my doing. There are so many steps I could have taken a lot sooner to avoid being in this situation. I'm lucky as hell that she's not 100% certain she wants a divorce yet and that I have the support of such people as my father in-law. I also have my brother and sister in-law who have been married for 16 years wanting to sit us down to talk to us tonight about how much work goes into a successful marriage. I've done all that and I still have a fighting chance. God knows I will not mess it up again if the chance is given to me.
I guess that depends on your friends and your wife. I actually got MORE involved with music and widened my circle of friends when I was married. It wasn't until we both had individual problems and made our relationships more introverted that our marriage struggled and failed. I mean, if your life before you get married consists of going out every night, drinking a lot, having casual sex and going to strip clubs then, yeah, your life is probably going to change and so will your friends. But, if that is really the life you want for yourself then you shouldn't get married in the first place.
You know, I've gone out with women who I shared incredible sex, yet there is no way in HELL I would ever date them long-term simply because it was the instability of our passion for one another that made both the sex ridiculous and the relationship insane. Relationships require balance - sex, friendship, partnership. If you think that if the sex is great, everything should be fine, what happens if you lose your ability to perform at some point...or she does? Does your marriage just end? What happens if you run into problems due to physical or emotional complications? Do you quit on the relationship? No argument that good sex is an important part of any relationship, but, long-term, it is only one piece of an extremely large puzzle.
I see your point, Jeff, but I don't believe in this "losing your availability to perform" thing. I don't believe in this E. Dysfunction thing. It's all in the brain. Spice is gone: "Let's take this pill!"
RM95, Good luck, but you are surely a clueless man !!! All that stuff...dude......you need to get your radar up earlier........and stop going out with your friends so much or bring her along... Wow...that one paragraph read like a caveman passage into hades......you ignored all the signs my man......and it read like you were really selfish... Get it together man..... HIGH FIVE !! DD
Absolutely man, absolutely. I was very selfish and didn't read the signs well at all. Clueless no longer, though!
Believe it or not, there are medications that you sometimes have to take in order to save your life that have sexual dysfunction as a side effect. There are also all KINDS of medical problems that can lead to similar problems. Age can also be a factor as can emotional health. Then, there are many female problems that can make it difficult, even painful for a woman to have sex. The onset of menapause, pre and post-natal conditions...you name it. What if she has emotional issues that cause her to lose interest in sex for a while? I'm not just talking about lack of interest in your partner. I'm talking about what to do when you don't have the ability or what to do when your partner doesn't have the ability.
I know - you are CRAZY. It took me a little while when you started talking about "throw in a boyfriend" that you meant yourself. I thought you meant some rude ex of hers or something. Maybe you should email me and we could go have lunch or something. Only unlike the others who have posted, it would not be to console you, it would be to give you a beat down. OK, so 95% of my friends are women and I am little protective of the ladies...but booooo on you! EDIT - did I actually just use a smiley? I am an idiot.
I do deserve a beat down. If her father in-law couldn't kill me with two fingers (ex-Secret Service), I'd ask him to do it.
Well, you know, there are plenty of women out there that are into that kind of thing.... EDIT: Sorry, I was thinking of something TOTALLY different....
