What book? Do you think it would be good for someone who recently got over a divorce but is still having "issues" when it comes to new relationships?
The Five Languages of Love by Gary Chapman. Of course, I don't think it would hurt for someone having issues with new relationships, but they do have one for singles.
Thats called being a man right there. A woman wants a man, not a whiney, you know what who feels sorry for themselves.
Well this sounds better than what I read earlier. I hope it works out for you, RM95. You deserve the best. Reading what you have written today makes me wonder if you and your wife have any of the 4 C's for a successful marriage in chemistry, communication, compromise, and compatibility (I think that last one can be something else but I do know that the first 3 are in there). I know with my wife, we have a hard time with compromise and with communication (but not as bad as with compromise). Chemistry has never been a problem but I wonder if our compatibility is not as good as I thought it was (which might seem obvious to most, especially jgreen ). But I made a decision and divorce is not an option (unless there is an affair); however, I couldn't help but wonder if we would both be happy if we cut our losses.
We know that. Just make sure she doesn't. Or at least put the doubt in her head that she could indeed lose you.
Damn RM95, lots of the same feelings I'm going through. Me and a buddy are heading up to BW3's tonight, you're welcome to join us if you're dinner doesn't work out.
Manny, I don't know where you got that list, but what I do know is that it was prepared by a woman. There are not 4 C's, but rather 3. 3 C's of a successful marriage: COOKING, CLEANING, COITUS These are the 3 C's and the woman had better be darn good at all of them. When I get home from work, I expect to smell dinner cooking as I am being pleasured. Any man whose expectations are lower simply has no DIGNITY. Or SELF RESPECT. Healthy relationships require a clear chain of command. There should be no violations, nor any uncertainty as to who is in charge. Once you lose control, you end up with a disobedient, emotional burden, whose sold purpose in life is to obstruct your GOD GIVEN ability to procreate (or simulate procreation). These women represent menaces to man's pursuit of pleasure, and should be punished, not accommodated.
I'm a little late to this party, I guess, but if you want my 2 cents... What seems to be important here is that you do what you think is best for you at this point. If giving her space is best for you (by being the best for your marriage), give her space. If you tend to think that it sounds a little wierd that the way to get your wife to fall back in love with you is by you not being around, then do be around. Be you. If you don't like who you are, you probably have bigger problems than your marriage, because you have to find out what you don't like and how you want to be, while still feeling comfortable in your own skin. I'd also have a loose plan about the future. If you are going to give her space, then for how long? And if you do start "dating" again, how long should that last until she needs to make a decision. Yes, this is marriage, and its your marriage so it's obviously incredibly important, but don't forget you have a life, too. I applaud your efforts in keeping your marriage together and am sorry you are going through this. Just be true to yourself.
That is the book everyone recommends when there are problems...It's ok and just examines how everyone values/accepts/shows love...but if you're reading this book, it's probably too late for your current relationship, but can help for the next one...
RM95, I think the 5 love languages book is good, and it is good to see your willingness to read and work on your marriage. I'm sure every single marriage hits some extremely difficult times, and it takes a lot of effort and humility to work through those times. As someone has mentioned in this thread, marriage is a lot of hard work. I see that you and your wife went to a Catholic counseling thing. If you think there is any wisdom in the Bible, I would listen to this (40 mins). I believe the foundation of a marriage relationship is that husbands love their wives, and wives must respect their husbands. Love is the language that fills a woman's heart, and respect is the language that feeds and satisfies a man. I hope this might help you guys work through this time, if it is not too late. Hope this helps.
this is pretty much cutting off a finger before the disease took over your whole body. Its going to hurt for a while but eventually you'll get over it and you will be able to live a normal life.
It isn't often that I think TJ is funny, but I think he hit this one on the head. I'm waiting for the big Milwaukee's Best can to crush those who contiuously recommend the 5 languages of Love, lol.
They say that women marry men hoping they will change. And men marry women hoping they will never change. It's almost like she was totally tolerant of these things that are suddenly deal breakers before you went down the aisle. I am in favor of counseling, and work, and learning and anything that you think might save your marrage. But honestly RM, you should not sacrifice your entire identity to placate your wife. If you must compromise...then so be it..but compromise means that she moves too. I once loved a woman who totally made me jump through all sorts of hoops before she would consider dating me....then when we were dating she made it clear at every turn that she was slumming to be with me. I still want her more than I even want to admit to myself, but I force myself to be strong when she is having trouble and wants the ego stroke of me pursuing her fruitlessly again. If your wife is interested in doing some of the work...then by all means save your marrage. If she only wants to totally rebuild RM95 into something completely different then "we'll see if the new you is good enough"...then its time to cut bait.
How do you break up with a suicidal, psycho girlfriend?? I don't want anything to happen to her, I still very much care... I just can't take the drama anymore.. (I wish there was a 'stressed out' smiley)
Another thing that I have personally noticed about successful vs. unsuccessful marriages is that the successful ones are where you rarely ever see the married guy at all. The guys that still want to have a guys night out every week seem to get divorced at a much higher rate. I'm not sure why that is. But if you are prepared to be married, my stats dictate that you need to kiss your friends goodbye. Not sure why that is, and probably why I have no plans to get married anytime soon.
