if she left you and it's over, what's teh point? it'll just make the healing process that much longer and difficult. disclaimer: i know it's so much easier for me to say that than to do it.
"My wife is just confused and doesn't want to lead me on in case that she can never stop feeling about me like she does right now. I asked her if I could snap my fingers and we could instantly go back to when we were happy, would she do it. She said absolutely. That's when I told her that her saying yes is exactly why we've been doing all these things-counseling, time apart, etc., so that we could work at our marriage. If she's not sure that she couldn't ever be happy again and wants to, then there's no reason not to work on it. " is that the post you're talking about? i did read it and my question still stands. of course, she's gonna say yes...if only to not hurt your feelings. the problem is you CAN'T make things go back to like they were with the snap of your fingers...at least not now. i've never been married but i have been in similiar situations with my ex-girlfriends. i've gone to dinners after a breakup just hoping she would change. never happened. i always felt i was clinging to a rope and she's had the scissors to cut me off when she wanted. of course, my friends told me this but i didn't listen.
We're all just gossipy b*tches... We all want to know the details and of course, everyone has a different opinion of how to handle things... Just be yourself and cherry pick the advice you feel most comfortable with (mine )...btw, I wouldn't go out with her, even if it was planned...but, you'll have to learn on your own and make mistakes, just like everyone else...good luck, your in my prayers...
I asked her that after she said that she never said divorce today and that's what she wanted, for us to be happy like before. Then I asked that question. She's the one wanting to go to dinner tonight and do something tomorrow. She's scared of leading me on. She's afraid that if we give it a go, and her feelings don't change a couple months down the road, then she would've just led me on the whole time. My response to that was that if she's honest when she offered that all she wants is for us to be happy, then we owe it to the relationship and the things we've worked on to at least try it.
Yeah, I don't see any reason why RM95 shouldn't keep talking to her. As long as you don't expose yourself emotionally so that you can get hurt at her every turn, there is nothing wrong with being civil. Does that make sense? Just expect that it is over and you guys are simply talking through the relationship so that you both can learn and move on. If something else happens, great. My sister had a different situation with her divorce but I encouraged her, after a 2-3 month separation, to go ahead and have a few dates again (with protecting herself in mind) and it ended up being great because it was only then that she realized the relationship was over (he still wanted it) and could move on.
Huh????? So, she is not willing to put even 2 months into trying to repair a marriage? No offense but that sounds very wishy washy and overly dramatic. I mean it is a MARRIAGE we are talking about, something that is an oath she took, she should be willing to do ANYTHING to try to fix it and make it work...as should you.... Confusing to say the least. DD
i guess that's fair. your post of "It's over. She left me." was so succinct that I figured it was actually over.
I guess that's where I am, but just didn't know it. BTW, I've been reading a book that MadMax recommended and I think it can really help. She asked me to leave the book today so she could read it as well. Basically, I think she misses the euphoric part of our love and is having trouble dealing with the fact that it's not like that anymore. Add on top of that a husband that for a long time was unwilling to do anything about it (even though he felt the same way, just was able to deal with it), and I can understand why she's confused.
It's not necessarily that she doesn't want to try. You have to understand that she's been going through these feelings for months before I actually listened to her and was willing to work on them myself. She also sees how much this is hurting me and doesn't want to lead me on if there's a chance she's delaying the inevitable. I do think she's willing to try, though. That's what I've gathered. I understand where you'd get that. That's what we were discussing when I posted that. That's the attention w****/drama queen RM95 that you all know and love.
By the way if you find the magic elixir that lets you RE-light the flame, please let the board know... DD
Just remember the words of the legendary relationship guru, Dr. Dre... "b****es ain't sh*t but hoes and tricks!"
I understand where you're coming from. I've been there before, and done the same things. Just heed this: And I hope we can get some girls to back this up. By the time a woman expresses things as much as she has, it is already a done deal in their head. They still miss you and want everything to be back to normal, but once they've gone this far... My advice above still stands. I'll let you in on something my mom told me. She had gotten to that point with my Dad when they'd been married for a couple of years, and said she wanted a separation. My dad simply got up, said that she knew that he loved her, and would wait for her decision. Then he left. He didn't check in. He didn't check on her. He did nothing. It took her two weeks to realize that she wanted to stay with my dad. He still took another week to come back, and then they went to counseling. My mom said if he'd reacted by trying to keep them together, or had bothered her, she would have divorced him. They've been married 37 years, btw.
FFB, Thanks for that. She said that she hoped this time apart would make her miss me and she said that it did, just that she wanted more time. That's why I'm not going to call her anymore. If she wants to talk to me, she has my number/e-mail.
