I am so sorry RM95. I know it won't feel like it but time will heal your heart. Try to learn from this and move on, you are a good person, and deserve someone that will be there for you. DD
I also agree with Fatty. It may be hard, but please get on with your life, and get past this ASAP. Also, it sounded like you were willing to make all the changes asked by the counselor but she was not, and if that is the case, you are much better off.....though you may not feel like it right now. DD
dude, cry your ****in tears out. that's right, let that **** flow for a week. after that, look in the mirror and say to yourself, "**** that b****!"
Guys, speaking from experience here, let's try to not delve too deeply into what happened and just support RM95 in what he is going through. I know I was really frustrated and disappointed when I posted on here about my divorce and had a number of people trying to pry into what had happened. It's very uncomfortable. Trust me when I say it is completely different for everyone and there are likely a million things RM95 DIDN'T say that are as important to this story as the very few he posted. Try to remember that everyone handles it differently. Some may drown their sorrows in excess while others may need time alone. And I can promise you that getting over something like this quickly is not only impossible, it is unhealthy.
i agree with you, but it's only natural we want details. i mean, if you're gonna make your private issues public, of course you're gonna get questions. sorry to hear the news RM95.
Wow. I am very saddened to hear this news RM95. It's weird, after semi-lurking on Clutch's boards for ten years now I feel like I know you fairly well just from reading your posts, even though we've never met. It is clear that you put a great deal of effort into saving the relationship and trying to make it better. Most people would never have agreed to the counseling or put that much work into it, so at least you can honestly tell yourself that you tried. I cannot imagine your feelings right now but just know that it will get better. You obviously have good friends on the BBS, and I'm sure in person also. Use those friends, get wings, get beer, and watch the Rockets. Best of luck.
Man...I'm so sorry RM95 about this. I don't know what to say other than to hang in there and know that you have us to help you get through anything. Hopefully, my marriage won't end up going down that path, but it isn't looking good. The wife was upset with me changing my mind on something and she is quite the stubborn little cuss. Last night sleeping with her (actual sleep) was unbearable at times. I want so much for us to be able to get along for at least 3 months without having any major fights or arguments. We have both said that we are never going to leave the other (unless it is an affair) but damn, I don't know if I can live with someone who was as cold as she was last night - I guess I could do it for a year or so, but I don't know. I guess I'll get used to it and adjust my life accordingly, but damn it sucks. But what I am going through doesn't nearly suck as bad as what you are going through, RM95. I'll keep praying for you, dude.
Even though i'm on ignore. Sorry to hear about this RM. I can't say i'm surprised, because I saw it coming to an end all along, but i'm really sorry to hear it and things will get better. Stay strong and don't do the "poor me" trick and move away. Stay in houston where your friends, family, & job are and you'll be back on your feet in no time. Plus like Fatty said, being single rules.
gosh yes some folks are trying to sound like psycho analysts here. we're all sorry for what you're going through RM95, i think everyone was rooting for you to make it.
Sorry I usually don't post in relationship threads (there are much wiser posters than me on this subject), but I've been following this thread hoping it works out for you. As another long-time poster who has never met you but feels like I've gotten to know you throughout the years, your post was very If the wiser posters say it will get better, I trust them it will. Stay strong.
my condolences, RM95. we've yet to meet, but i feel like i know you relatively well after all these years on the board and my stomach dropped as well when i read your post. a change of scenery might be exactly what you need. get away from all the things that remind you of her and go out and see/do things you've wanted to do but never had the time to. if you feel moving would be best, then find somewhere you want to live and move... you're young. spend some time alone, hang out with friends, travel, whatever it is you feel you need to do. i wish you the best, man. if you come to austin don't hesitate to let me know, we'll catch a game a grab some beers.... and maybe stare at hot coeds ps - hope you had a blast at the panic shows. i only caught thursdays show due to my sister's wedding in houston, but apparently saturdays show was the best show they've played since houser passed.... you should book your flight and tickets to the new years shows in ATL. nothing like a rocking panic new years show to help take your mind off things!
Thanks for all of the support guys. There's a lot of advice being thrown around and while I may or may not take it, I know it's coming from a good place. I really appreciate it. My wife is just confused and doesn't want to lead me on in case that she can never stop feeling about me like she does right now. I asked her if I could snap my fingers and we could instantly go back to when we were happy, would she do it. She said absolutely. That's when I told her that her saying yes is exactly why we've been doing all these things-counseling, time apart, etc., so that we could work at our marriage. If she's not sure that she couldn't ever be happy again and wants to, then there's no reason not to work on it. Bottom line, I'm not really sure what's going to happen.
Damn...have I been out of the loop! Good luck, man. I have good friends who separated...and came back stronger than ever. Others...for whom separation was the best thing. Keep an open mind. Take care of yourself. Play it as it comes. Wishing you well however things turn out.
Let me also add that while my initial post today suggested I came home and she flat out said she wanted a divorce, it didn't go down like that.
Not much to say that hasn't already been said except that I hope everything works out for the best, man.
Good luck RM, From my side of the fence it sure looks like you are trying and she is not willing to.......I would move on. The old saying "if you love someone let them go, and they will come back to you" is SOOOO true. DD
I'm in no way being a jerk about this but from my experience, I would bet large sums of money that there is someone else involved. It just has every sign of her cheating. That's probably not what you want to hear right now but I'd prepare myself for it. Also, her friends know about it too. They are covering her ass just like you would for one of your buddies. They "don't want to get involved" or "it's none of their business". Someone will break it to you eventually though and they will tell you how they wanted to all along. **** them too Just know that when someone cheats, it never works out for them. It always blows up in their face. You'll eventually get over it and be able to laugh at her when her "real man" turns out to be a tiny dicked momma's boy and the white stallion he road in on ends up being a 15 year old beat up piece of **** Tahoe. I know it may be the hardest thing you ever did but do not beg her. I wouldn't even have any contact with her and I sure wouldn't initiate it. Let her do whatever she wants because eventually she is going to know she ****ed up royally and you will be over her. That's when you can tell her that it's what she gets for being a stupid b**** and you get to go home to your Swede and life is better than it ever was before. That's what I do Whatever happens, I hope for the best man. I've been there and done that and IT SUCKS! It gets better though. If you are ever up in The Woodlands, let me know and I have as many beers as you can drink on me and a place to crash if you can't make it home. Good luck.
I really don't think she's cheating. There's no way to prove that she is or isn't, but I'm not worried about that at all. This has been going on for months. She's been wanting to go to counseling since the beginning of this year, if not sooner. Check out my first post in this thread. That's how I reacted to her every single time she brought it up. She's spent close to a year being unhappy and even though I've done some good things in trying to keep this marriage together for the past two months, she's been suffering through this unhappiness for a long time. I'm going to continue to let her initiate the contact. She wants to go to dinner tonight and still wants to go out tomorrow night as we had discussed last week. We'll see how it goes.
