Chuck Hayes doesn't wear condoms. Because there is no such thing as protection from Chuck Hayes. Chuck Hayes will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him. They once made Chuck Hayes toilet paper...too bad it wouldn't take $h!t from anybody.
Chuck Hayes' drives are so strong that even his layups shatter backboards, his jump shots so swift they create sonic booms, and his dunks so powerful that they would alter the tilt of the earth therefore Chuck Hayes isn't allowed to play offense. Chuck Hayes could on his own wipe out the Utah Jazz but he will not because even evil has a place in the grand plan of Chuck Hayes. And this one cribbed from The Most Interesting Man in the World. Chuck Hayes once had an awkward moment, just to see what it felt like.
Chuck Hayes was scheduled to play the lead rold in Mission: Impossible. Eventually, Tom Cruise had to take over because the title didn't make any sense.
Chuck Hayes walks into a bar, 30 minutes later David Hasselhoff walks into the same bar. The bar immediately explodes as that level of awesomeness cannot be contained in one establishment....
Chuck Hayes recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.
