Unless the new husband adopts the child, which can only happen if the original father signs away his rights, there is no legal way to change the name of the child without the father's consent. No judge would allow that as long as the father is in good standing with the court, like being up to date with child support, and adheres to the visitation schedule. Just because Momma wants it does not mean a Judge will grant it.
Personally, I think you have to throw the parents' (both mother and father) feelings out the window and determine what is best for the child.
^ Agreed, but how is changing a name in the best interest...If you say it's only for the child to not get in trouble or to keep the peace, then there is something wrong... I think she's just trying to hurt the ex and this is a way to do it, and it appears to be working...Too bad the kid is stuck in the middle...
Depending on the child, it may cause them embarassment or a feeling of being different if they have a last name different than their custodial parent. If their friends continually ask them, "why is your last name Johnson and your mother's last name Smith?", it may be an issue (especially in younger children). Again, I am not speaking to any particular case, but I can foresee instances where it helps the child cope to have the same last name as the custodial parent.
Oh please, there are so many mixed families these days that people know and understand. Unless the dad is a piece of ****, there is zero reason to do this. That is a change in their identity and can send signals that the dad doesn't care. What happens when mommy divorces again? Do the kids keep changing their names? Hell freaking no.
I really don't think that is a situation that many kids have to deal with. Not many children ask each other about the last names of the parents. And while I do think the child's best interests should be kept at heart, you can't take all the uncomfortable parts of a divorce out. It isn't possible. The likelihood that there would be trauma to a child being asked what her last name is would be small imo. It can cause significant issues for the father who feels like he is being removed from the child's life.
I have two kids, 8 and 4, and they have a LOT of kids in their class that are from divorced families or have different names than their mom or dad. I have never seen it become an embarassment, kids don't seem to work like that or even care. They may ask once, and when the situation is explained, they move on..... Maybe other places it is different, but IMO, kids could care less. The father and his ex are the adults, they should make the decision. And if they both don't agree, then nothing should be done...IMHO. DD
I agree, but I also think it's important to realize that it's wrong to sacrifice the parents to avoid a little discomfort for the child. We aren't talking about psychological trauma here, we are talking about a different name. Countless kids deal with it all the time. There is a lot of trauma involved with being a divorced parent, and feeling like your identity is being stripped out of your child's life would probably only make matters worse.
So you don't think there is a single child in all of the United States that would emotionally benefit from having the same last name as their custodial parent?
Amen!!! More damage is caused by a little girl thinking her Dad doesn't care if their names are the same then some other kid asking why her and her mom's names are different.
I won't say there are none, but I doubt there are more than a handful who would gain anything but temporary benefit in avoiding a hypothetical uncomfortable question.
My whole point is that every situation of this type could be different and that they should be examined on a case by case basis. I don't think that any of us can say that every child will react the same way. It may be a benefit for the child's sake to have the same last name as the custodial parent, it may be a detriment. In any case, everyone's concerns should be heard and in the end, what is best for the child should be done.
Not necessarily. "Standard" joint custody provisions would mean the parents would have to agree on a name change, but you would have to look at the exact language of the decree to know for sure. If he can afford one, your friend should hire a family law attorney. If he can't there are free legal services for qualified people. I feel for your friend. There are no winners in these situations.
As I am in this exact situation - my wife has a son from a previous relationship with primary physical custody - this explanation is EXACTLY right, according to the Attorney General. Her ex is a piece of crap, however unless he signs away parental rights and I adopt my stepson - he cannot change his name. And, they have to happen in that order. We've gone through the legal process several times to make sure there was no other way.
I would think that in this day and age, kids with different last names than their mothers are common enough to not make a kid feel "different". Even when I was a kid, there were several such kids in my class. (Not to mention that changing the name gives the kid a different last name than the Dad, potentially leading to the same conversation with other kids and the same feeling of being "different"). And, if it's in the best interest of the child to have the same last name as her parents, there's nothing stopping the ex from not taking her new husband's name. That would certainly seem to be the solution that would offer the least chance of making the child feel "different", in my opinion. My story that relates to kids' names: When my first son was born, his mother and I weren't yet married (heck, we hadn't even graduated high school yet). We talked about the last name at the time and ended up settling on giving him a hyphenated last name with his mother's last name being half and my last name being the other half. We then promptly forgot that we did this and ended up just using my last name as the kid's last name (which especially made sense after his mother and I married when the kid was roughly six months old), but we never got it officially changed. And then he turned 16 and went to get his driver's license. So, we whip out a copy of the birth certificate and are immediately reminded that the kid's official last name is different than what we've been using for the past decade and a half. My son was actually a little bit pissed off that he had to have this hyphenated last name on his driver's license. Of course, that was over two years ago, and we've still made no effort to fix it. Also on this topic, when my mother remarried, she asked me if it was okay with me that she changed her name to her new husband's name. She was concerned that I would be upset if we didn't have the same last name. I was 22 years-old (and hadn't lived with my mother for over a decade) at the time.
First, I agree with others that whatever is best for the child should be the focus. 1) Her relationship with her father is critically important, as is 2) minmizing acrimony. I don't understand how the benefit of the name change ... anything other than convenience for the Mom? ... relates to these goals. In fact, it does seem intended to just attack your friend, but I could be missing something. So, short of some unrecognized benefits to the child, is the name-change a final blow from the ex or will attacks just progress and possibly worsen? I don't know what legal rights your friend has in this instance, but if she will continue to attack his relationship with his daughter (if that is what this is), he will likely need to fight her at some point for the benefit of his daughter. If this is a solitary act I don't see how this one issue diminishes his relationship with his daughter. If he continues to love her and stay very active in her life, the name is not really important but if there are no benefits to the child for the name change, leave it alone and move on.
I haven't been on this topic, but many of you know that I have some experience dealing with the vindictive ex. My advice still stands to fight it in court, but I believe Dennis2112 is spot on. It sounds like a case of Parental Alienation Syndrome. Read up on it. Being informed on this is a great way to be prepared to deal with it. http://www.paskids.com/
