You're being to specific. Inspirational, in terms of depression and how we choose to deal with it. I woke up this morning, as I do every morning, in a cold sweat. This morning it was because of a dream I had about the only girl I've ever been with that I actually loved. Now, this isn't why I have nightmares (bad memories) every night, but was the case this morning. The first thing I read was the Bill Zeller letter. Following the sadness I instantly felt for him and his family a wave of inspiration hit me. Sometimes it takes hearing someone else's tragedy to make you realize how good you may have it. How can I (at least today) feel depressed after reading something like that, it would be selfish. Bill Zeller's letter had an impact on my life today and instead of letting "the darkness" control my actions today I feel like I'm going to be more productive after reading it.
i love how everyone becomes dr. kevorkian, screams "terminal", and resolutely justifies suicide as a viable option. is this something that can be quantified now?
Excellent post and great points. If one thing we can take away from this is the need to address these type of problems before people get to the point of deciding they need to kill themselves.
I'm not trying to belittle his situation, but frankly, it doesn't really matter what he went through. Imagine for a minute that you knew him, and everything he went through. A guardian angel (obviously not a very good one) or imaginary friend of sorts. You can even imagine that you somehow understood the emotional pain, even torture that comes from being repeatedly molested as a child. As someone who cares for his well-being, would you ever suggest suicide as a viable option? Death is the end, at least in this world. Life sucks, especially for those who keep getting dealt bad hands. But you play the game until your chips are done. If you stick around long enough, you may find yourself with a hand that gets you back in it. Don't go all in on 2 7 before you see the flop. That's NEVER the right decision. So, yes I'm going to respectfully judge his decision as a bad one. His life was tragic, his death even more so. RIP
Damn, that was ultra sad. Ultra mega super sad. With that said, this dude wasn't too bad of a writer, which is probably the reason the letter is circulating the internet in such a brush fire like manner. It kept me a little hooked, I only skipped a paragraph or two. Maybe he should have written more about his problems, but I'm not saying that would have saved him, it's just crazy to me that even seemingly competent people who can solve all sorts of problems in life (this guy was a computer programmer for example) can only find an answer in suicide. Sorry to say but most think that is the wrong answer, and I think so too.
Justifying it and understanding it are two different things. Crippling depression feels like being the walking dead. Feeling like you may never have meaningful connections with people you think you love is a very serious and complex disease. BTW, I came off feeling as though you were on the side of the latter.
Everyone handles their situations differently. Getting raped to the point where you can't even use the bathroom normal is going to have some mental scars. Talking to someone does not solve every single problem there is in America with someone. Everyone mental capacity is different so I have no clue why people think Bill Zeller should have handled his situation like they would. You're not Bill Zeller and Bill Zeller is not you.
No, I would not suggest suicide, and I don't believe anyone here is advocating for that. I've been in this situation before...talking through all this with someone who had tried suicide and was contemplating it again. I'm not saying his was a good decision. I'm saying I can't begin to fathom his pain, so I won't pass judgment on him. I'm far more concerned by the "sins of omission" he complains about with respect to his family and others.
Not sure if this is the right time to mention this or not, but for some reason, this... actually made me laugh out loud.
Great post. I haven't been in his shoes, so it's not possible for me to say what he should or shouldn't have done. I'm troubled by those who presumably also haven't been in his shoes but are still willing to condemn the guy without more knowledge.
No, it wasnt, and Im very thankful for that. My father and my uncle are psychiatrists. They run a partial hospital here in Houston. From when I was about 15, until this very day (even though I have my own career), I help out at the clinic and communicate with patients, in a manner that would be therapeutic to them. Many of the patients that are around my age, I befriend, because I know that if they have people in their lives that they can trust, it will take them a long way towards recovery. So to answer your question again, my first memory is not of being raped. But, I have dealt with 100s of people, whos first 10 memories are much, much worse. I have seen and heard stories that make me wonder how a 19 yr old dude is even able to function on a daily basis. Yet, Ive seen people overcome the most gruesome of events...things that are much more traumatic than what Zeller had to experience. Unfortunately, raping young children is something that is a consistent in our society. That doesnt mean that people cant overcome them and lead semi-normal lives. Again, Bill Zeller said he refused to discuss this topic with any professional because he thought they wouldnt be able to help. Just because they couldnt help with other things doesnt mean they wouldnt help with his darkest secret. At the very least, it was worth a shot, but he refused. He was not willing to receive proper professional help, and that is the problem. You're going around telling people to shut the **** up in this thread, which is honestly, completely unreasonable of you to do. All Im saying is that he never opened himself up to the idea of getting better because he felt, from the onset, that he was doomed. That's where he was wrong.
That's pretty much belittling it. It's always easy for someone to say it doesn't matter what you go through when you don't have to go through it. His chips are done. He's dead. If he had been hit by a car it is suddenly OK that he is dead and we can all just say "it was his time?" More meaningless cliches that are just meant to make us feel better. Poker analogies. Damn. The only thing worse than someone trying to judge a person's life choices is one who does it by comparing life to a poker game. I don't see how his death is tragic really. His life was tragic and it is tragic that he found no way to cope with his demons in a way that let him live a fulfilled life. His death however is no more tragic than if he were to die of old age. He got out when he wanted to go.
I think you are arguing a point, or voicing a concern that is misunderstanding some of our intentions. No one, NO ONE, in this thread is condoning suicide. No one is saying that is OKAY as even a last resort. If I knew someone contemplating suicide right now, I would offer them my own help, and the help of a professional. Tell them there are treatments, drugs, whatever out there. Whether those things actually work or not, I would still try to offer them hope. I believe everyone here would do the same. However, when talking about someone who has already taken his life, some of us are saying we simply understand, especially after he articulated it so well. -That we understand why he did not seek help, and did not see any hope in life. NOT that we agree with it.
why the hell are people arguing about this? the guy had an issue and obviously serious depression (bi polar maybe) and killed himself. I'm not going to say good for him for ending his misery because that's silly. I'm also not going to pretend that he could have worked it out or he should have done more. The people trying to downplay his experience and say "people have dealt with worse" are extremely narrow minded and arent fully appretiating that this guy was sick and unstable. When it comes to depression anything is possible and you can't compare it to someone else's experience.
Batman pretty much nailed it. Existentialism will attest that a life path must be controlled only by the one living that life, and suicide is ultimately a personal choice and a right, and there are precious few who can understand the pain Zeller faced. At the same time, life is a one in a billion gift, the mere existence of consciousness is a marvel, etc, etc. I think there certainly are justifications for suicide, but therapy can help. Sometimes all somebody needs is one person to validate them, they've never known unconditional love and until they experience it, they will always feel powerless and self-worthless.
This. I worked in adolescent inpatient psych for several years and I worked with hundreds of patients, mostly teens, who went through some of the most horrible things you can imagine. Zeller was obviously a highly traumatized young man, and as a result was very angry, very depressed, and very distrustful. As a result, he couldn't form healthy relationships. He lied to his friends to test the limits of their trustworthiness regarding his sexuality. He is a classic sufferer of PTSD, as was mentioned above. He couldn't see help or a way out or at least through his misery. He certainly felt helpless and powerless, that he had "tried everything." There is always more help. You can always empower yourself. There is always something else to try. And I sure as hell hope anyone who feels they can relate to Zeller can see what he couldn't. Again, RIP.
