Great thread. I foresee myself in this situation. I sometimes get home earlier than the family. "Dad???? What is that smell?????" is usually the first sentence I hear. I vote "when just farted and in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout." OR, just open a window and fan the sh*t out of the polluted area with a mat/pillow/cushion. Really? Experience, eh? I have to have a talk with moes or your previous 'significant other' to ask what cologne it was.
There is no way to mask it...Especially in your office, in the car, or in classroom...I hear you can rip them in the plane as they have charcoal in the seats... When I was at the gym a while back working out on the stationary bikes...Some guy let a silent but deadly one rip and left...It was just me and this kinda hot girl there...Needless to say, she thought I did it and left...D*ck...
Waft it towards your nose and smell it all up. You're already infected, you have to take it a like a man and prevent it from devastating your girlfriend. Also, I suggest if you run out to greet her that you walk briskly instead. It will follow you. And before you get to the door, wiggle your butt and break off the trailing odor.
Grab your girlfriend, hold her down and fart all over her. If it's a long one, you can rub her down like you are applying lip balm. Equal treatment, I say.
I can vouch for the effectiveness of this method.. it's gotten me out of many a potentially embarrassing situation. The trick is to track the odour as it wafts out of your pants and spreads upwards and outwards. When you feel the warm air, suck it ASAP into your lungs, where it can't hurt anyone. Just make sure no one notices you doing your vacuum cleaner impression..
You're just returning the gases to their rightful home If it came from you, it won't kill you.. I think
This reminds me.. yesterday I was out with my gf all morning and day... It was horrible holding those farts in and I can't go to the restroom because that sh*t would be loud. But anyways.. at the end of the day I just went over to my roommates and ripped a couple good ones in their faces. Fart wars are fun.
One time after lunch, I was back at work, looked around and thought I was alone, so I let out a silent but deadly one, it was a real nasty lingering one, then a couple of my coworkers walked to my area (I was concealed by some modules)..."Ohhhh!! What the hell was that?!?!" "Did you do that???" "No, Gaaawd that stinks!!!"....I did my best to conceal my snickering but when I came around a little while later I couldn't hide my big s**t eating grin...
