Hutz: Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I - uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder. Marge: Is that bad? Hutz: Well, he's kind of had it in for me, since I accidently ran over his dog. Actually, replace `accidently' with `repeatedly', and replace `dog' with `son'.
Hutz: Mr. Simpson, I was just going through your garbage, and I couldn't help overhearing that you need a babysitter. Of course, being a highly-skilled attorney, my fee is $175 an hour. Homer: We pay eight dollars for the night, and you can take two popsicles out of the freezer. Hutz: Three. Homer: Two. Hutz: OK, two. And I get to keep this old bird cage. Homer: Done! Marge: Homer! Are you all right? Homer: [meekly] No. Hutz: Mr. Simpson, don't you worry. I watched Matlock in a bar last night. The sound wasn't on, but I think I got the gist of it. I saw this movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode! I think it was called "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down. Shopkeeper: Take this object, but beware: it carries a terrible curse! Homer: Oooh, that's bad. Shopkeeper: But it comes with a free Frogurt! Homer: That's good! Shopkeeper: The Frogurt is also cursed. Homer: That's bad. Shopkeeper: But you get your choice of toppings! Homer: That's good! Shopkeeper: The toppings contain sodium benzoate. [Homer looks puzzled.] That's bad. Homer: Can I go now? Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon? Lisa: No. Homer: Ham? Lisa: No! Homer: Pork chops? Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal! Homer: Heh heh heh. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal. Homer: Aw, twenty dollars! I wanted a peanut! Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts! Homer: Explain how! Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services! Homer: Woo-hoo those are just a few.
I could never pick a favorite Simpsons quote... It would take years to figure out. However, right now my voicemail message is me singing "I Hate Every Ape I see, From Chimpan-A to Chimpanzeeeeee"
Factory Foreman - This is the moment we feared, people. Many of you thought it would never happen, but I insisted we spend two hours every morning training for it. You all thought I was mad. Many of you requested to be transfered to another peanut factory. But now... Kent Brockman - Ladies and gentlemen, uh, we've just lost the picture, but what we've seen speaks for itself. The Corvair spacecraft has apparently been taken over -- 'conquered' if you will -- by a master race of giant space ants. It's difficult to tell from this vantage point whether they will consume the captive earth men or merely enslave them. One thing is for certain: there is no stopping them; the ants will soon be here. And I for one welcome our new insect overlords. I'd like to remind them that as a trusted TV personality, I can be helpful in rounding up others to toil in their underground sugar caves.
oh my gosh. also the qutoe when homer goes on the duff brewery tour: Guide: Welcome to the Duff Brewery. Well, I'm sure that all of you have heard the rumors that a batch of Duff was contaminated with strychnine. Tourists: No. Strychnine? That's news to me. Guide: Are you sure? Everyone's talking about it; it was even on CNN last night. Tourists: CNN? Whoah. Guide: [dismissing] Well, it's not true.
uide: What does the future hold for us? Heh. Let's just say we have a few ideas up our sleeve. Homer: Like what? Guide: Um, I'd rather not get into it right now. Homer: Why not? Guide: All right, we don't have any ideas for the future. We got nothing. Happy? Homer: [whiny] No.
Bill Cosby, on the Simpsons: With all the hippin and the hoppin and the bippin and the boppin... they don't know what the "JAZZZZZ".... is all about!!! Homer: Are you saying you're never going to eat any animal again? What about bacon? Lisa: No. Homer: Ham? Lisa: No. Homer: Pork chops?!? Lisa: Dad, those all come from the same animal. Homer: Ha ha ha. Ooh, yeah, right, Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.
Milhouses Dad " Can I borrow a feeling? Would you lend me a jar of love?!" and then the mom says no lol
SIGH post #42 "Maybe, just once, someone will call me 'Sir' without adding, 'You're making a scene.'"
I don't know why, but this was always extremely funny to me. Most people don't remember it. Homer is on the couch watching tv when the news breaks in and says "This Just In Breaking News". Homer jumps up and says, "Someone found my keys!"
I can go all day with the simpsons quotes one of the greatest Apu moments: Apu: Snap on your bulletproof vest, Sanjay, it's time for another bank run. Sanjay: All right. But if I don't make it, promise you won't sleep with my wife. Apu: I promise nothing. Grandpa: My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a p*rn star. Marge: My name is Marge Simpson and I have an idea. It may sound a little boring at first. Mayor Quimby: Chat away. I'll just amuse myself with some pornographic playing cards. Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl. Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy. Homer: That's the spirit. Nevver give up. Moe: I'm better than dirt. Well, most kinds of dirt, not that fancy store-bought dirt... I can't compete with that stuff. One of my fav. epsidoes "Bart's Comet" Principal Skinner: And now to find out who did this... Bart, empty your pockets! Bart: Empty my pockets, you say? Well, certainly, but I fail to see... Principal Skinner: [looking through the contents] Blueprints of the dummy... notarized photos of you making the dummy... and an alternate wording for the banner, "Buttzilla." (not a great quote, but the pictures were funny) Bart: Who names these things [the constellations] anyway? Skinner: Whoever discovers them. I've been hoping I could find something that would be named after me. Bart: And you've never found anything? Skinner: Once...but by the time I got to the phone, my discovery had already been reported by Principal Kahoutek...[a cloud covers the moon; scary music plays] I got back at him, though...him and that little boy of his.
Homer: So anyway, Lenny and Carl are never around on Wednesdays and they don't tell me where they go. It's like a conspiracy. Bart: A conspiracy, eh? You think they might be involved in the Kennedy assassination in some way? Homer: I do...now. Anyway, I'm going to follow them tonight and see where they go. Marge: Oh, Homer, don't start stalking people again. It's so _illegal_. Remember when you were stalking Charles Kuralt because you thought he dug up your garden? Homer: Well, something did! Marge: I don't want you stalking anyone tonight. Homer: Oh, OK, have it your own way, Marge. I'll be back in a minute [gets up]: I'm...[sly] going outside. To..._stalk_...Lenny and Carl. [realizes] D'oh! Homer: Well, time to go to work. Homer's brain: Little do they know I'm ducking out early to take the Duff Brewery tour. Homer: Roll in at nine, punch out at five, that's the plan. Homer's brain: Heh, heh, heh. They don't suspect a thing. [camera pans down to Homer's mouth, but he doesn't say anything] Well, off to the plant. Homer: Then to the Duff Brewery. Homer's brain: Uh, oh. Did I say that or just think it? Homer: [panicky] I've got to think of a lie fast! Marge: Homer, are you going to the Duff Brewery? Homer: Aah! [Runs off]
how about a "Seinfeld" quote? ok. George Costanza: I'm 33 years old; I haven't outgrown the problems of puberty, I'm already facing the problems of old age. I completely skipped healthy adulthood. I went from having orgasms immediately, to taking forever. You could do your taxes in the time it takes me to have an orgasm. I never had a normal... medium orgasm. Jerry: I never had a really good pickle.
Butter: "Lets get ideas from the Sunday Funnies guys!" Cartman: "Butter only idiots and queers read the Sunday Funnys..." Butters: "I KNOW! Thats why I read it ALL THE TIME!"
Apu: Now, these hot dogs have been here for three years. They are strictly ornamental. There is only one bozo who comes in and buys them. Homer: But I eat... Oh. Marge: Homer, I've been thinking, if the baby's a boy, what do you think of the name Larry? Homer: Marge, we can't do that! All the kids will call him `Larry Fairy'. Marge: Well, how about Louie? Homer: They'll call him `Screwy Louie'. Marge: Bob? Homer: `Flob'. [?] Marge: Luke? Homer: `Puke'. Marge: Marcus? Homer: `Mucus'. Marge: What about Bart? Homer: Let's see... Bart, Cart, Dart, Ee-art... Nope, can't see any problem with that! The whole "Streetcar Named Desire Musical" was great: Stella! STELLLAAAA! Can't you hear me YELLA! You're puttin' me through HELLA! Stella... STELLLAAAA!
Hi I'm actor Troy McClure. You might remember me from..... ....such educational films as "Lead Paint: Delicious But Deadly," and "Here Comes the Metric System!" ....such fishing films as 'Cast Out' or 'The Reel Deal.' ....such films as "The Erotic Adventures of Hercules" and "Dial 'M' for Murderousness". ....such films as "'P' is for Psycho" and "The President's Neck is Missing". ....such films as "Today We Kill, Tomorrow We Die" and "Gladys, the Groovy Mule". ....such films as "The Greatest Story Ever Hula-ed" and "They Came to Burgle Carnegie Hall". ....such Fox Network Specials as "Alien Nose Job" and "The Five Fabulous Weeks of the Chevy Chase Show". ....such self-help videos as "Smoke Yourself Thin" and "Get Some Confidence, Stupid!" ....such nature films as "Earwigs: Ewwww" and "Man vs. Nature: The Road to Victory". ....such celebrity funerals as "Andre The Giant, We Hardly Knew Ye" and "Shemp Howard, Today We Mourn A Stooge". ....such telethons as "Out With Gout '88" and "Let's Save Tony Orlando's House". ....such cartoons as "Christmas Ape" and "Christmas Ape goes to Summer Camp". ....such driver's ed films as "Alice's Adventures through the Windshield Glass" and "The Decapitation of Larry Leadfoot". ....such TV spinoffs as "Son of Sanford and Son" and "After Mannix". ....such instructional videos as "Mothballing Your Battleship" and "Dig Your Own Grave and Save". ....such public service videos as "Designated Drivers, the Lifesaving Nerds" and "Phony Tornado Alarms Reduce Readiness". ....such medical films as "Alice Doesn't Live Anymore" and "Mommy, What's Wrong With That Man's Face?". ....such automated information kiosks as "Welcome to Springfield Airport" and "Where's Nordstrom?". ....such Do-It-Yourself home videos such as "The half-assed approach to foundation repair" ....such dates as last nights dinner.
Homer: Marge, since I'm not talking to Lisa, could you please ask her to pass me the syrup. Marge: Ahh, please pass your father the syrup, Lisa Lisa: Bart, tell Dad I'll only pass the syrup if it won't be used on any meat product. Bart: You dunking your sausages in that syrup, Homeboy? Homer: Marge, tell Bart I just want to drink a nice glass of syrup like I do every morning. Marge: Tell him yourself; you're ignoring Lisa, not Bart. Homer: Bart, thank your mother for pointing that out. Marge: Homer, you're not not talking to me, and secondly, I heard what you said. Homer: Lisa, tell your mother to get off my case! Bart: Uh, Dad, Lisa's the one you're not talking to. Homer: Bart, go to your room! Dale: I don't mean to sound racist, but this is by far the best selection of beans I have ever seen. I love King of the Hill.
Simpsons Quotes I use daily 1. SHUT UP BECKY! (used randomely...i don't know any beckys) 2. Aren't you tired of being wrong? (when can't you use this one) 3. Feels like i'm wearing Nothing At All...(Repeat) 4. Why do you have to tell it like it is Marge? (again, don't know any marges) 5. Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son." (used anytime you don't want to do something)
Not really a quote, but the gag where Brian watches Lois and Peter at a motel, and Alfred Hitchcock's silhouette comes into the window freaking killed me.
