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Best profanity laced tirades in movie history...

Discussion in 'BBS Hangout' started by A-Train, Dec 21, 2006.

  1. A-Train

    A-Train Member

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    I was watching Christmas Vacation last night, and forgot what a comic genius Chevy Chase used to be. His tirade after he gets his jelly of the month membership ranks right up there with the all time classics.

    Hey. If any of you are looking for any last-minute gift ideas for me, I have one. I'd like Frank Shirley, my boss, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber over there on Melody Lane with all the other rich people and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey sh*t he is! Hallelujah! Holy sh*t! Where's the Tylenol?
     
  2. Buck Turgidson

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    Alec Baldwin to the salesmen: "'**** You', that's my name." Glengarry, Glen Ross

    Ed Norton to NYC: "**** this whole city and everyone in it." 25th Hour

    Tarantino to Jules/Vince: "I don't want to get ****ing divorced." Pulp Fiction
     
  3. ima_drummer2k

    ima_drummer2k Member

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    Clark has another pretty good one in the original Vacation:

    "I think you're all ****ed in the head. We're ten hours from the ****ing fun park and you want to bail out. Well I'll tell you something. This is no longer a vacation. It's a quest. It's a quest for fun. I'm gonna have fun and you're gonna have fun. We're all gonna have so much ****ing fun we'll need plastic surgeory to remove our godamn smiles. You'll be whistling 'Zip-A-Dee Doo-Dah' out of you're assholes! I gotta be crazy! I'm on a pilgrimage to see a moose. Praise Marty Moose! Holy ****!"

    "Dad, you want an asprin or something?"

    "DON'T TOUCH!!!!!!!!"
     
  4. bottlerocket

    bottlerocket Member

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    That's the first one that came to my mind. Classic!
     
  5. percicles

    percicles Member

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    Edward Norton in 25th hour.
     
  6. Rocketman95

    Rocketman95 Hangout Boy

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    The whole Bonnie Situation could apply for me.
     
  7. finalsbound

    finalsbound Member

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    Steve Martin in Planes, Trains, and Automobiles at the counter in the car rental office.
     
  8. Rocketman95

    Rocketman95 Hangout Boy

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    Oh, completely forgot about that one!
     
  9. Clutch

    Clutch Administrator
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  10. Ottomaton

    Ottomaton Member
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    This isn't an angry tirade, but more of a tweaked out/crazy person tirade, but I still think it qualifies.

    [rquoter]

    MR. BROWN - What the f**k was I talking about?

    MR. ORANGE - You said True Blue is about guy... er.. sensitive girl who meets a guy but Like A Virgin is a metaphor for big d***s.

    MR. BROWN - Ok, Let me tell you what 'Like a Virgin' is about. It's all about the cooze, who’s a regular f**k machine. I'm talking morning, day, night, afternoon... d**k, d**k, d**k, d**k, d**k, d**k, d**k, d**k...

    MR. ORANGE - How many d**ks is that?

    MR. WHITE - A lot.

    MR. BROWN - Then one day she meets this John Holmes mother f**ker, and it's like.. WOAH BABY! I mean this cat is like Charles Bronson in 'The Great Escape. He's digging tunnels. Alright, she's getting her serious d**k action. She's feeling stuff that she ain't felt since forever... Pain... pain... It hurts... It hurts her. It shouldn't hurt. You know, her p***y should be Bubble-Yum by now. But when this cat f**ks her, it hurts. It hurts like it did the first time. You see the pain is reminding a f**k machine what is once like to be a virgin. Hence, "Like a Virgin."

    [/rquoter]
     
  11. oomp

    oomp Member

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    Sgt. Barnes in Platoon:
    "You all take a good look at this lump of ****. Remember what it looks like. You f*ck up in a firefight... and I go&&amn guarantee you a trip out of the bush - in a body bag! Out here, a$$holes, you keep your **** wired tight at all times! And that goes for you, ****-for-brains. You don't sleep on no f*ckin' ambush! And the next sum'b**** I catch coppin Z's in the bush, I'm personally gonna take an interest in seein' him suffer. I **** you not. Doc, tag him and bag him! "


    Just about everything Gunnery Sergeant Hartman says in Full Metal Jacket
     
  12. Miguel

    Miguel Member

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    Sinise/Gibson in Ransom.


    The whole back and forth leading up to the "GIMME BACK MY SON" scene.
     
  13. boomboom

    boomboom I GOT '99 PROBLEMS
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    This wasn't really a tirade...but the four letter bombs made Mooj from 40 Year Old Virgin hysterical!!!

    [​IMG]
     
  14. Buck Turgidson

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    Yep, thought about that, but you'd have to quote the whole first hour of the movie.

    Good call on Platoon.
     
  15. ima_drummer2k

    ima_drummer2k Member

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    If you're looking for a lot of F-bombs, watch The Commitments. Pretty much every sentence spoken by every character has a few.
     
  16. Joshfast

    Joshfast "We're all gonna die" - Billy Sole
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    No profanity, but one of the best tirades ever.

    "You don't frighten us, English pig-dog! Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person. I blow my nose on you, so-called Arthur-king, you and your silly English kiniggets.
    I don't want to talk to you, no more, you empty-headed animal, food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. You mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries."
     
  17. rocks_fan

    rocks_fan Rookie

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    Pretty much anything out of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman's mouth in Full Metal Jacket.
     
  18. Bobblehead

    Bobblehead Member

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    Glenngary Glenn Ross is AWESOME!!!

    Shelley Levene: What the hell are you? You're a ****in' secretary. F*ck you. That's my message to ya: f*ck you and you can kiss my ass and if you don't like it baby I'm going across the street to Jerry Graff, period, f*ck you.


    Dave Moss: Oh f*ck you. F*ck the lot of you. F*ck you all.
    Dave Moss: You're f*cked, Rick. Are you f*cking nuts? You're hot, so you think you're the ruler of this place.
    Shelley Levene: Now wait a minute, Dave.
    Dave Moss: Shut up!
    Shelley Levene: Okay...
    Dave Moss: You want to decide who should be dealt with how, is that it? I come in the ****ing office today, I get humiliated by some jag-off cop. I get accused of... I get the sh*t thrown in my face by you, you genuine sh*t, because you're top name on the board?
    Ricky Roma: Is that what I did, Dave? I humiliated you? Oh my God, I'm sorry.
    Dave Moss: Sitting on top of the world. Sitting on top of the world, everything's f*ckin' peach fuzz.
    Ricky Roma: And I don't get a moment to spare for some bust-out humanitarian down on his luck lately?
    Dave Moss: Oh, f*ck...
    Ricky Roma: [cutting him off] F*ck you, Dave. You know you got a big mouth. You make a close, this whole place stinks with your farts for a week - how much you just ingested. Oh, what a big man you are! "Hey, let me buy you a pack of gum. I'll show you how to chew it." Whoof! You're pal closes, and all that comes out of your mouth is bile. Ooh, how f*cked-up you are!
    Dave Moss: Who's my pal, Ricky? Hmm? What are you? And what are you, Ricky? Huh? Bishop Sheen? What the f*ck are you, Mr. Slick? Who - what the f*ck are you, "Friend to the working man"? Big deal! F*CK YOU! You got the memory of a f*ckin' fly! I never liked you, anyway.
    Ricky Roma: What is this, your farewell speech?
    Dave Moss: I'm going home.
    Ricky Roma: Your farewell to the troops?
    Dave Moss: I'm not going home. I'm going to Wisconsin.
    Ricky Roma: Have a good trip.
    Dave Moss: Aw, f*ck you! F*ck the lot of you! F*ck you all!
    [Dave exits, Ricky turns back to Shelley]
    Ricky Roma: You were saying?
    Shelley Levene: ...Huh?
     
  19. m_cable

    m_cable Member

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    Speaking of the 40 year old virgin, the scene with the midget gangsta is pure genius:

    First Part
    Second Part
     
  20. surrender

    surrender Member

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    Same here, what a classic movie

     

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