A string is walking on a sidewalk on a hot, sunny afternoon, when he spots a bar not too far away. Deciding it would be nice to have a cold drink, he goes into the bar and hops onto a barstool. "Hey bartender, can I get a beer??" The bartender turns around, looks the string up and down, then points to a sign hanging behind him that says WE DO NOT SERVE STRINGS. "Get out of here, string. I don't serve your kind around here!" The string, flustered, hops down and slinks outside. After a few minutes however, he realizes that this is 2012, and nobody can speak to him that way. So, he goes back inside, hops onto the same barstool, and says, "Hey Bartender, get me a beer!!" The bartender turns around, gets wide eyed, and screams, "Listen you piece of string....get out of my bar before I shoot you!!" The string immediately hops down, and shimmies outside. Upset, and insulted, he stands there for a few minutes, trying to gather his thoughts. Finally, and idea occurs to him! He ruffles up his hair a little bit, turns in on himself, and contorts his body, and goes back into the bar. He hops on the same stool, and says, "Hey bartender! Can I get a Coke??" The bartender turns around, looks him up and down, nods, and hands him a Coke. After a while, the bartender comes over and asks, "You know....you look awful familiar....are you sure you're not that string I kicked out of here earlier??" The string looks at the bartender and says....... NO, I'M A FRAYED KNOT
I see your jokes. I raise: How do you catch a Mexican rabbit? Spoiler Get him out of the messy can. Spoiler Oh, come on! Y'all said some silly jokes, too!
A Farmer returns home after buying a new, studly young rooster for his farm. The minute he brings him home, the young rooster rushes out and screws all 150 of the farmers hens. Needless to say, the farmer is impressed. At lunch, the Farmer again finds the young rooster screwing all 150 hens. While still thoroughly impressed, the Farmer now begins to worry... The next morning, not only is the rooster screwing the hens but he has found his way to screwing the turkeys,ducks even the cow! To which the Farmer can only shake his head and walk away... Later that evening the Farmer looks out on to his farm and finds the rooster stretched out, limp as a noodle, his eyes closed, dead...with a score of vultures circling overhead. The Farmer runs out to the rooster, looks down at his dead, limp body and says: "Well...You deserved it...you horny b*stard!" The rooster opens up one eye...points up at the vultures with his wing, and says: "Shhhh!...they are about to land."
Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were going camping. They pitched their tent under the stars and went to sleep. Sometime in the middle of the night Holmes woke Watson up and said: "Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see." Watson replied: "I see millions and millions of stars." Holmes said: "And what do you deduce from that?" Watson replied: "Well, if there are millions of stars, and if even a few of those have planets, it’s quite likely there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, there might also be life." And Holmes said: "Watson, you idiot, it means that somebody stole our tent."
An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean, “In return for your unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward you with your choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty.” “Give me infinite wisdom!” declares the dean, without hesitation. "Done!” says the angel before disappearing in a cloud of smoke. All heads now turn to the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. “Well,” says a colleague, “say something brilliant.” The dean stands and, with the poise of Socrates, opines, “I should have taken the money.”
