I'm sure you are an excellent father, and I wouldn't question that, nor do I have any desire to do so. And I am sure your kids are just fine. This book isn't about child rearing - it's more about how humans form attachments and it was quoting studies that demonstrated how the attachment between a mother and child is irreplaceable. Now, as it concerns you and your family, I wouldn't worry about it too much. As you mentioned, everything is fine in that area. But, where this does become an issue is with what happens with very young children (babies) going to two gay men? But you know, this may be larger - maybe it's just anyone who's not the mother. I really can't remember. But I was astonished by the study, which is why I remember it from this book. I'll check up on it just for interests sake. Of course, one study doesn't prove anything in and of itself. The point though that I think we all agree on, and it makes sense - that we are evolved to form a special bond with our mothers right from the get go - that's been developed for a million years of huminoid evolution. We don't know what happens when we decide to go against that. Again, it might be moot since the baby is up for adoption and not with it's mother anyway. I simply can't say.
Batman and pgabriel, I appreciate your passionate input; however, you guys have been going back and forth about whether not interracial coupling is a good analogy. Why do we even need an a analogy? Let's just discuss the situation as I described it. Of the posts that I've seen here, Rocket River's posts have been the most accurate to my sentiments. One thing that I would also state, though, is that I believe the following: IF homosexuality is genetic in any way, I believe that only a very, very small percentage of the human populous is genetically predispositioned to homosexuality. I believe that the vast majority of homosexuality comes as a result of external influence. Sometimes someone may become gay because their best friend is gay and they want to be cool. Maybe a loner kid becomes gay in a form of rebellion. Maybe it's some kind of abuse. I don't know. My point is that it's a response to some kind of influence. This doesn't really make it a conscious choice, per se. You'll hear some gay people say, "I didn't choose to be this way" and I might agree with that. I'd feel that it would probably be the result of some form of influence that directly or indirectly guided them toward homosexuality. As a parent, I can say something of which I am completely sure. Parents are guides for their children. In fact, that is a tremendous understatement. Parents are outstandingly powerful guides for their children. We are guides to them in every way you can think of... financially, religiously, morally, sexually, socially.. you name it. I intend to guide my children toward heterosexuality. Now, I know that one day, as an adult, they may come to me and tell me they're gay. That will be out of my control. I won't shun them (just as I don't shun anyone for being gay). I will always love them. But while they are children, and while I have control of how to guide them, I will guide them toward heterosexuality. But wait... there's more.... I don't believe that it is prejudice to disapprove of someone else's lifestyle, nor is it prejudice to pass that to my children. I may disapprove of a person's choice to practice skydiving... or someone's choice to be a stripper... or someone else's choice to leave his wife. I might believe that those are bad choices, that they're wrong, and maybe even sinful. And I might guide my child to also believe such things. But which one of us has NOT done something bad, wrong, or sinful? I will also teach my child that we all make our own, different choices in life, many of which may be bad, wrong, or sinful. And that we should treat others with dignity and respect even if, we do not approve of their path. That is NOT prejudice. If you disagree, you should know that prejudice is an unfavorable opinion or feeling formed beforehand (preconceived) or without knowledge, thought, or reason. I (obviously) have given this a lot of thought, looked into others' opinions, and am trying to approach this as reasonably as possible. I don't have to like your life path, and just because I disagree with your life path doesn't make me prejudice. I don't consider it "hiding" my daughter from the subject. There is no doubt in my mind that I will be speaking to her someday about this topic. However, I would prefer to choose when I speak to her about it. As I've stated, I believe my daughter is not yet mature enough to be told about gay parents. Additionally, though, by attending the party, we are making a statement to the gay couple that we have no problems with them at all, that we don't mind our daughter being there, and we'd be glad to participate in more activities with them in the future. I do not want to make these statements to them, however, because, honestly, they are not true. I do not approve of their parenthood. I don't want my daughter there, and I don't want to participate with them in future parties. I will respect them and will not force my beliefs on them; however, I do not approve of their parenthood and I do not want to insinuate that I have no problem with it. It also makes a statement to my daughter that her daddy feels like it's okay for a child to have two daddys who live together and raise the child. This is not a statement that I want to make to my daughter. I agree that not-attending is the equivalent of punishing their son for his parents being gay. That is unfortunate, and is not something I want to do. But I place a higher priority on the upbringing of my daughter than on their son's party, and if the two are in conflict, I will choose my daughter every time.
If you think someone can be "guided" toward heterosexuality, you are naive. If any of your children is gay and you take pains to "guide" them in another direction you will only wind up convincing them to lead unhappy, closeted lives.
is it religion that causes you to disapprove? if not, what is it exactly that you have a problem with? what's wrong with grown men sticking their thingies in one another?
The children I have known (personally and professionally) who have been adopted or born into a gay relationship have proven to be more emotionally stable and understanding of differences than many adults posting in this thread.
As I said, I believe that IF homosexuality is genetic in any way, only a very minute percentage of the human populous is as such. If my children become gay it will probably be because of outside influence. As their guide, I intend for their primary influences to direct them toward heterosexuality.
I think you should just tell the parents how you feel and explain that it's a result of your religious beliefs. Gay people experience disapproval due to religious beliefs all the time. While they'd probably be disappointed, I'm sure they'd understand. And once it was out in the open you wouldn't have to have these awkward situations resulting from them thinking you aren't judging them. Meanwhile, though I am not religious, I will pray for you.
A lot of people feel the way you do. I can't understand why someone would become gay "to be cool" as you suggested, since gay people experience all sorts of intolerance, prejudice and disapproval. (Some people think they shouldn't even be allowed to raise children.) But if you think people can be guided or directed toward one sexuality or another, I think you are passing naive and I worry a little for your kids.
What on earth does this even mean? For someone to "become gay" they must be attracted to the same sex. There is no outside influence possible - it's an internal feeling of attraction. End of story. What you are referring to as "becoming gay" is simply someone realizing they are gay. That being said, allow me to caveat the above by saying that I don't really believe in homo or hetero sexuality. Just sexuality - however someone feels that should be expressed. My two cents.
Don't think you can answer that question without trying it yourself. If someone would have to force you into that circumstance then you have your answer.
No, he would be accurate as far as my own discussions with many homosexuals. I have not ever talked to one who wasn't guided or directed towards homosexuality and I have spoken with many. My sample size may be less than 100 but the response was 100% a matter of influence, guided and directed.
I worked for years with a ministry on Montrose in Houston that cared for aids patients at the hospice and counselled homosexuals. I never counselled homosexuals about their sex life either, they had many deeper contributing problems... severe abuse from parents other authorities and peers etc.
If you were preventing your daughter from attending a birthday party because the parents were drug addicts, or alcoholics, or violent it would be perfectly reasonable because she might be in danger or exposed to behavior that concretely, objectively is harmful. You have every right to not let your daughter go to this party, but make no mistake, you are acting in a bigoted way. I would ask you to articulate how exactly homosexual behavior harms anyone. When we ostracize people, not because their actions cause harm to others, but just because their behavior is "different", we are being bigots.
Have you seen this thread? http://bbs.clutchfans.net/showthread.php?t=135745 My point is that dispositions can be biological. Some people see the figure rotating clockwwise, some see it rotating counter-clockwise. Some see both. Why would sexuality be different? That is nature. I didn't choose to be left handed even though only 10% of people are. So I can relate to homosexuality being biological. When I was in a classroom and saw 40 people writing with their right hand and I was the only one with my pen in my left, I realized people can be born differently from the majority. My brother-in-law came out of the closet after 2 kids and 10+ years of marriage. He wasn't lead anywhere. He was living a lie.
