I'm only going to say this once so listen up ****stains... THERE IS NO ****ING WAY YOU DICKWADS SHOULD BE TOLERATING THIS RAMPANT EPIDEMIC OF COCKFLOUNDERY. STEP 1 : GROW A PAIR OF TESTICLES STEP 2 : TAKE SAID NEWLY GROWN PAIR OF TESTICLES, RUB ON ROOMMATE'S FACE, REPEAT AS MANY TIMES AS NECCESSARY. STEP 3 : TAKE A HUGE **** IN THE MIDDLE OF YOUR ROOMMATE'S ROOM AND LEAVE A CANDY CANE STICKING UP IN THE MIDDLE OF THE LARGEST PIECE OF EXCREMENT. STEP 4 : REFER TO ROOMMATE ONLY IN LONG WINDED INSULTS, BREVITY IS NOT TO BE TOLERATED. CREATIVITY IS A PLUS, DOUCHEFAIRY MCSCHLONGGOBBLER IS A GOOD EXAMPLE. STEP 5 : MASTURBATE FURIOUSLY ALL DAY WHILE ROOMMATE IS IN THE OTHER ROOM, WHEN HE COMES BACK FROM WHEREVER HE HAS GONE, PLASTER THE WHOLE PLACE IN VASELINE
Got a completely random roommate for the summer in a UT dorm. Neither of us were regular students there. Maybe someone should have worked on actually matching people up so that they wouldn't be polar opposites. I tried to get along with her. I helped her move her stuff in and went shopping with her. I think she saw, though, that I was a little surprised at her fake tan and slutty T-shirt and didn't like her wild and crazy driving, nor did I want to actually flirt with the random boys we were looking out the window at. So we had different styles. Then she insists on comparing vital stats: at the time, she was 20, a freshman at a second-tier state school with a 2.11, undeclared major. I was 19, a junior at Rice with a 2.95 in science. That was it. From then on she pretty much decided to hate me. In the next several weeks.... -wouldn't speak to me -played the radio all night while we were sleeping (we were sharing a bedroom - traditional dorm style - and it wasn't very big). Kept it behind her so I couldn't turn it off. -set the alarm clock for 6:00 even though she wasn't getting up until 7:30, and neither was I. Hit the snooze button about 9 times every morning. At least she finally extended her partying to all night and I had to deal with it less and less. -when I asked for the obligatory "talk this out with the RA and make sure you can't resolve your differences before getting another roommate" session, she just sat in a corner and smiled this little fake smile and said nothing, while I talked to the RA. All she did was flirt with him a little and keep her b!tch self hidden until he was gone. At least I was trying to be honest. -brought her scummy male friends over. Low lifes with no respect for women. They were rude to me and treated her like a piece of meat, but she didn't seem to mind. (She said she was a virgin - give me a break. If so, she's the biggest tease who ever lived. Stay away from this type of women. They are bad news.) -OK, so we hated each other and I was trying to find another roommate. She knew it. Until that got through, she and her friends started messing with me. I couldn't find a few of my things. I'm still not sure that's what happened, since they weren't valuable, but I don't know where else they could have gone and I found a long blond hair on my bookcase. -Had a guy sleep in her bed without warning me about it. We were sharing a very small space, remember. I don't think they were up to anything, except laughing at my reaction when I woke up, but I don't particularly want to be hanging around in my pajamas for the benefit of these guys. She was a fraternity little sister, if that explains anything. The worst part, really, was just being stuck in a small space with someone who hates you. I know it's nothing compared to some of the stories above of drugs, gross lack of hygiene, and venereal disease. Not to say this chick didn't have any diseases... I don't know that for sure. Wonder what ever happened to her. Not that I really want to know.
I got in trouble for two things in college. Dishes: I didn't do them as much as I should, so my roomates put 3,000 notes "Do the dishes" and made a trail out of them. They led from bedroom, to the living room, up the wall, and to the sink. Nice. Dinner: On the very first night of our apartment adventure I was to cook the first meal. So I made fish sticks. But the oven's bake did not work. So I had to broil them. The fish sticks were burnt on top and frozen on the bottom. Funniest thing ever. Because of me everybody ate on their own from that day forward. I never heard the end of it. Girlfriends: MY roomy made the mistake of sleeping with a highschooler. She was obsessed with him. So maybe a month later I come home to the apartment. I go to take a shower, slide the curtain, and find a naked highschooler waiting inside. Some funny sports moments with roomys: Playing football in the living room, my roomy was tackled, and he went right through the dry wall into the next apartment. Nice hit. While rebuilding the wall we decided to put mysterious items into it. So now there are fruity pebble boxes, old grilfriend photographs, "F" papers, and what not ecapsulated in the wall. Playing basketball in the living room, I was boxing out my roomy on the rebound and he ended up going through the window (Mesh screen), and was dangling from the second floor. I got the rebound. More glass shattering: In Triangle fraternity, They thought it would be fun to jump from the balcony onto the sofa. The first guy who did it hit the sofa, recoiled, and was redirected through a two story glass window. I've never seen a window that big shatter before. Many good times. It's all coming back in waves.
Mine wasnt as bad. I went to Southern Illinois in Edwardsville,IL and I shared a house with 2 other guys my freshman year. My one roomate Chris was pretty cool and we hit it off, but our other roomate Robert always kept to himself and was ALWAYS late with his rent and other bills. All of a sudden we started getting these crazy phone bills with a bunch of out of state calls and we confronted Robert and he denied making them so we contact the phone company and indeed the calls were made form the house. That weekend while Chris and I were at work, Robert packed up his stuff and left leaving only his single bed. Chris and I got home and figured out what had happened so we go into his room and start looking around and for some reason Chris looked under his bed and screamed for me to come look........Robert had left all of his Gay magazines under the bed when he left. We had a gay roomate and never suspected a thing........Not that theres anything wrong with that
Alright my turn... Sophomore year... I had a roommate who was going out with this girl for a while. He went home every weekend and so that's when they spent time together. When he was IN THE ROOM he would have phone sex with her simulating what they were going to do that weekend and what they did the previous one. This kid was a complete baby. He is the youngest one in his family and was used to getting his way. This year... Last semester new roommate.. He would play with himself after he thought I had fallen asleep. I would do things like get up and go to the bathroom amongst other things to let him know I was awake and knowing why the damn bed was shaking. Finally after the third night I said something. It stopped for 10 minutes and then would start again. It was extremely disgusting and I let everyone all the hall know what he was doing. He quickly got the names dildo and wacker and he never understood why. This kid had a lot of issues. He probably was dealing with depression because he was extremely moody and had to have put on 20 pounds at least in one semester. He had challenged 3 guys on the hall to fights and he lost all three of them. Needless to say, the kid was too chicken to challenge me.
So I found out today why this has been going on. My roommate has a DOG now. Totally against the policy here, and I'm pretty sure I could get busted for this too. Every time he would leave he put on the tv loud to cover the sound of the dog..
I roomed with slickvik69 last year, but no plastic swords or ak-47s. Juuuust messin with ya Vik. He was actually the best room mate out of the three I've had. All around solid guy.
I had to pay for college myself, so I went to SIUE, Southern Illinois University @ Edwardsville (IL)....kind a like The University of Texas @ EL Paso, same school albeit a smaller version, just in a small podunk town. I had a decent part time job at a local steel mill (Granite City Steel) so it made sence to go this route
I room with this guy slandballa. WORST ROOMATE IN THE WORLD. I want a roomate that can give me some competition in NBA Live. But this guy is beyond horrible. He couldnt win to save his life. So i declare him the worst roommate ever.
