AshleyMadison.com, a site for people looking to have affairs

I'm not sure what the greater good is. I don't want to make too many blanket comments for everyone's situation with some concept of philosophy. But I think generally, it's better to be truthful than it is to lie. I think it's obviously easier to be deceitful and secretive than it is to come out and say, "I'd like to be having sex with other people, and I'm going to."

But I wouldn't want someone to treat me that way....and I wouldn't want to encourage that in other people.

 

Some people can't handle the truth, unfortunately.

 

DID YOU ORDER THE CODE RED!!!!!???

 

Really depends on the particular philosophy of the couple.

I wouldn't see that flying at all in a Christian marriage.

Certainly, it is fear of hurting your spouse that leads to a secretive affair, although there will certainly be a lot of hurt that comes from coming out and saying you want to make things work but you feel your needs aren't being met and you want to change things or you'll be forced to end the relationship in pursuit of something else that will maximize your happiness.

However, that honesty will only make or break the relationship, and in the end it will do much less emotional harm than an affair.

 

While the boost to the ego and the adrenaline of doing the forbidden might seem exciting in the short run, the results of guilt and stress are almost always damaging in the end. The crushing ego blow to the betrayed is almost assured.

The positive aspect of living up to a moral code is that you avoid the self destruction.

If everyone involved had explicit approval of the situation it could be great fun.
But most people couldn't do it.

 

To each their own. I just feel like going outside of the relationship to feel more satisfied within it for the sake "to stay together longer", is backwards.

But, it's one thing when both partners agree together to have extra-marital relationships and another when one person decides to do so secretly. When that person does that, it's completely selfish, putting their needs and desires before those of their partner's and possible children.

 

I witnessed this and it is so very sad. The man in a married couple who are friends of ours cheated on his wife with a classmate. She found some notes that they had exchanged and she questioned him and he broke down and told her everything. He told her the following:

1. He was never attracted to her.

2. She is too fat for him.

3. He never really loved/loves her.

4. He had at least one other affair.

5. When they have sex he was thinking of the other woman.

Those are the really bad ones but he stated a whole slough of things. Well after being told this they planned on a divorce but she just would not give up and kept pestering him. She would call and say that he was still her husband, that she knows deep down that he really loves her, etc. None of that stuff fazed him. You know what did? Her plans to sell his truck which was in her name. That made him come back and yes they are still married today and he is still playing that game and she either doesn't know about it or is delusional.

Some people really cannot handle the truth.

 

And its sad because people in most cases are being too "nice" from the get-go in a relationship and within the first few weeks they let things that bother them "slide" rather than deal with them.

Imagine the rejection of being broken up with after a few weeks because "its not working out for me" compared to the emotional damage of finding out after years of marriage "I never found you attractive at all, and I cheated on you"

All of this created by not wanting to "hurt feelings" at the beginning by not being honest and upfront from the start.

How painfully ironic.

 

Actually, yes it is.

 

This is only true for the people who are too mentally WEAK to have, and live by, their own value system.

 

I take it you're not married, Donny?

 

Correct.

Never planning to get married, either.

Unless I need to for health coverage or tax purposes.

 

Like a weekly video?

 

then you have to value what you want more...your wife or sleeping around. at least if you're gonna be honest, you do. that's why it's more difficult than just lying and cheating, obviously. but as you say, if you can't tell the truth in a relationship, you probably shouldn't be in that relationship.

 

Wow... this has really taken off...

This is the truth, and it also goes along with what you said about that "not flying" in a Christian marriage. Lying, cheating, dishonesty, all that stuff...

Rocket River, as an adult, you don't let "society" rule you and make WISE decisions. I agree with ima_drummer2k's response.

 

LOL...ok, I've heard this site or a similary one passion.com is just another place to meet chicks to bang, period, end of story...

 

No True
I think who you are is shaped by the society you have been in all your life

Mental Weakness has nothing to do with it.

While I am quite sure u and Swoly were strong minded at birth
I think the ways and means of how you parents / Tv/ school etc
influenced you to be who you are

Whether it was you following the crowd or intentionally not following it
some way or another you were influenced

This is not a direct . .. everyone like Miley so I like Miley
IT is more like growing up in a Christian society . . .thought u are not a Christian some of the ideals will rub off on you. [just an example]

Rocket River

 

I told my wife upfront that I was wanted to seperate because I wasn't in love with her and our marriage was completely unfulfilling (in a nutshell).

Then I went and had a wild 12 months, getting drunk nearly evey weekend, and often midweek aswell, chasing 18-25 year old women with the ferociousness of a freakin tiger, and generally just blowing out.

I tried so many things I'd never considered possible when I was married.

Eventually, I realised I loved my wife all along, there was a massive hole there.

Haven't regretted the break up AT ALL.

I sowed my seed, and she learnt independence.

My wife and I are now back together and moving to a new city to start a new life together.

Its a love story.

 

Did you plan on getting back with her after a set amount of time? Or did you just happen to get everything out of your system in a year?

 

I don't mean to be TOO personal
but
I am curious. . . did you do alot of that before Marriage?
I mean . . .did you do alot of wild things before you and her married?

No a judgement . . . just a question
because my thing is. .. Sew them Oats before I DO

Rocket River