Sorry to hear that. My wife and I were talking about this last night, and I told her that I've always maintained that I think most of these people unfortunately would realize the mistake they've made as soon as they make it. I've never been in that mental state and can't judge somebody that has, but it's extremely sad. Hopefully your friend is at peace.
Damn FFB very sorry to hear that. From what I recall we're roughly the same age. While a lot is made about youth suicide a lot of men commit suicide in middle age and the 50's are a rough time for many men. It's also very hard to tell what is going on in people's lives and outwardly people can seem like they have it all together but still deal with a lot of inner turmoil.
I went off the rails in January. I’ve been battling cancer while building out a new team in my company’s sales organization. If I didn’t seek help when I hit rock bottom I might not be here.
In Nov 2019 a good friend of mine killed himself. He had came to visit me in May previous. We had hung out just me and him a time or two, but this time was different. I had never seen him drink and smoke so much. He was a smoker but I had never seen him chain smoke, but at the time i really didn't think much of it. He shared his difficulties he had been going through in his marriage. He even shared about his attempted suicide. I encouraged that living for his daughter was worth it. When he left he told me he loved me which in reflection was odder than I originally thought. I'm not sure how long he planned it, but I'm sure it was more than 6 months, and when he visited me it was more of him saying bye. When it happened i reflected back on that day and thought about the pain he expressed and I was pissed at him. I thought our conversation meant more to him. I thought he was convinced that raising his daughter was enough joy for him, but he had known he was going to do this and there was no alternative plan for him. In his first attempt a mutual friend was able to intervene and prevent him. This time he stopped talking to that mutual friend for a few months already. He did this on the day his house was sold and him and his soon to be ex-wife would not share any physical space. He had a note and it was precisely prepared for the person who found him. He had another note that addressed the people who were closest to him. I had this anger towards him until recently. My own wife wants to leave me and the pain i feel now is reminiscent of the pain he expressed and and I can forgive him for not being able to work through it. And just to be clear I am not in any danger. I just wanted to share for therapeutic reasons.
He was 48 and in the same Frat my brother and I were in at Tech. And we need to do another Ruchi's run next time you're in town.
Seriously sorry to hear the news, @Roscoe Arbuckle. I lost a friend the last year and he was very nearly the same age. Happily married, and wife found him hanging in their attic, just brutal. I knew he struggled with the blues sometimes, but he was really funny, great part of our poker table. It looks like none of us really knew what he was going through. To @EddieWasSnubbed's point: Of the several suicides I've known of, at least one did regret it as soon as he overdosed on a horrible chemical (was a biochemist and knew what he was doing). He called poison control but was too late. We live in weird times, IMHO, and unusually hard on people as they age in our culture. I was joking / not-joking about Will Smith going through Man-o-pause and people really not understanding how bad it could be.
My sister (and only sibling) killed herself on or the evening before Thanksgiving 2013. I was most likely the last person to see her alive when I visited her the day before. The regret and guilt of not being able to do more still hurts a lot. She used to post quite a bit on ClutchFans. My condolences to everybody that's lost somebody.
Suicide is a very selfish manner of death, it leaves the guilt and burden behind on those that don't deserve it. I would say seek help, talk to a counselor, you need to grieve and realize it is NOT your fault. I had a best bud kill himself my fresh year in college, but what is interesting was that after his funeral I had a dream where he and I were sitting at a white table with everyone in white, and clouds all around us....he was telling me to tell everyone he was ok, and that the pain was gone and to let folks know he was fine. I then asked him what it was like when you die, he leaned in and said.....let me tell you it was amazing, you......and as soon as he started to tell me I woke up - 3am - no reason just WIDE awake like I wasn't supposed to know. Never saw him in a dream again, but to this day, I know that he is ok. DD
Yup last year. He had his battles with depression since we were in college. Looked like he was spiraling
CCorn really glad you’re still with us. A few years ago a Clutchfan committed suicide and although I never met him in person was really sad to hear about it. This place is a community and anyone out there who is struggling and needs to vent like please do so. As a virtual community it’s sometimes easier to express things here than with people you have to actually see and live with.
