A busy businessman finally makes it back to the hospital to see his wife and newborn child. Upon see the baby, he asks his wife: "Damn, why is this kid so ugly...our other two children were so adorable. Have you been fooling around behind my back?" The wife answers: "Not this time honey."
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Jessica Alba, Megan Fox, and Malin Ackerman are stuck in a winter storm on location for their new movie about female competitive skiers. The power goes out and they are snowed in. There is no power and the 3 of them are just waiting to be rescued. There is nothing in the room but some whole cucumbers and baby oil. Excuse me.
What do you do when you're having sex with an eight year-old in the shower? Spoiler Slick her hair back to make her look six I like my women like I like my wine. 12 years old and locked up in the basement. Walking down an alley last night, 3 muggers started on me. So I knocked one out. Not the best time to masturbate but thought it might be my last!
Yeah pedophiles are only really funny when used as a precedent of events eventually leading up to the fanning of 12 batters by Corwin Malone.
Oh, man....all this time I thought we were talking about pdf files. And yes, the "Is this racist" vid is probably racist. And hilarious. But it's haha-racist so it's all good. And hey Butterfingers....is the site you used to use Zooass.com? I didn't link directly because it's probably not NSFW but they have a joke of the day mailing list.
I have a perfect situation to turn a trick on a crude joke teller. My coworker and I used to amuse ourselves by telling each other these really crude and offensive jokes. One day he tells me this joke involving the Holocaust/Hitler/The Jews etc. He delivers the punch-line and I look at him with a very somber face and say "Well I don't think thats very funny... My grandfather died in the Holocaust" Then he looks really embarrassed, not knowing what to say, probably thinking "oh **** this is awkward" He says something like "Damn man, I'm really sorry about that" and then I say "Thats ok man, my grandfather was really clumsy... he fell off the guard tower"
Browsed through these today... I just had an argument with a girl I know. She was saying how it's unfair that if a guy bangs a different girl every week, he's a legend, but if a girl bangs just two guys in a year, she's a slut. So in response I told her that if a key opens lots of locks, then its a master key. But if a lock is opened by lots of keys, then its a crappy lock. That shut her up. ---- Two Italian men sit behind a woman on a bus. She ignores their conversation at first, but is shocked when she hears this: (strong Italian accent) "Emma comes first. Then I come. Two asses, they come together. Then I come again. Den two asses, they come again. I come again and pee twice. Den I come once more." "You pigs," the lady yells,"in this country, we don't talk about our sex lives in public!" "Hey coola down lady," the man says,"I'mma just tellin my friend how to spella MISSISSIPPI. ---- The town cop was parked outside a bar at midnight, watching for drunk drivers, when he saw a man stumble out the door, trip over the curb, try 30 cars before opening the door to his own and fall asleep on the front seat. One by one the drivers of the other cars drive off, and finally the guy wakes up, starts his car and pulls out of the parking lot. The cop pulls him over and gives him a Breathalyzer test. The results show a 0.0 blood-alcohol level, the puzzled cop asks," How can that be?" The guy says, "Well, tonight it was my trun to be the decoy."
A couple is laying in bed, the wife ready a book, and the husband watching TV. The husband rolls over to his wife and gives her a smile. The wife responds, "No not tonight I have a gynecology appointment tomorrow and I want to stay clean." The husband, disappointed, rolls over. A few minutes later, he rolls over and ask, " Do you have a Dental appointment too?"
some funny ones posted on first page lol. here are a couple that are abit more lame... a pair of jumping cables walks into a bar. the bartender stares at it for abit and finally says "alright, i'll serve you but you better not start anything." what did the fish say when it swam into a concrete wall? "damn."
