We're both "losers," bobrek, for staying so long with women who aren't subjugating themselves to the whims and wishes of a man. Two crazy guys who would rather be with women they love and respect, and who respect us, than women who will bend over backwards to cater to our every wish. Yes, we must be mad! ;-)-
I'll agree with basketballholic. I'm the leader of my relationship, i'm the man, I've got the pants. She loves that, and we've got our priorities straight. Doesn't mean I disrespect her or treat her terrible, just means our roles are set. Helps me become a better man. Since I'm the leader, I've got to ensure that I'm on top of my game. I also agree with Swoly. Put the pride aside and fix the issues.
So, if you were to say, "we are buying the truck" and she were to say, "but the car is more practical and affordable", y'all would buy the truck? (or would she even be allowed to voice her opinion?)
Allow me to answer this, SexyButIgnorant... He would make the decision to buy the CAR, with her advice as given credit to help make the decision. Even leaders have advisors.
I'm not going to defend basketballholic's position here because I don't know what he means necessarily, but being the leader in a family doesn't mean you don't respect your wife, value her input, etc. It doesn't mean she doesn't make decisions or that she lives only to serve you.
I think (and I could be totally wrong here) he's referring to couples where the woman clearly dominates everything and where the guy is too lazy, infatuated, or spineless to do anything. Probably not the person you should be in a relationship with in the first place. I actually think he's in the same type of relationship the posters above are in: he's just describing it totally differently. Or not. This is just a shot in the dark.
That's what caught my attention. If I said to my significant other, "I'm dominant and you damn well better be submissive," she'd burst out laughing and say something like, "Oh, is that the game we're playing tonight?"
I mean hey, if he doesn't abuse her and she likes being on the lower end of the power dynamic (and some people do) and it works for them- that's their business.
I think we can all agree that IS an awesome game.....when she is into it, and with the right gear of course! Seriously though, it seems some people here are just entrenched in the old school way of thinking....."I am the man, I call the shots. You are the woman, make my dinner and clean the house!!" Sad...
That has nothing to do with being dominant or submissive. Would you like a link to an online dictionary so you can research and rephrase your original bulletin points?
No one is arguing what works for him, what is being argued is that he gave advice to NOT go to a marriage counselor unless the marriage counselor agrees that the man should be dominant and the wife submissive. Also, he implied that couples in a marriage that wasn't dominant and submissive were losers. My further question (e.g. the car buying example) is to try and find out what he means by dominant and submissive. Perhaps his definition is different than mine.
Submissive women are boring. I sure as hell wouldn't marry one. Women who know how to take care of themselves have always turned me on. I don't want a wet noodle , I want an equal. Lucky for me, that's exactly what I got.
Are you sure you don't want to skip counseling and just use that money to buy her gifts? Ladies love gifts.
I think this is all getting overblown. He probably should have used better terms than dominant and submissive and used the term "roles" and them clearly defined. My wife and I have defined roles. I make the money. I make the investment decisions. I handle any slights to my wife or family. I am the physical protector. I am the one that takes care of the car and any issues with our houses needing repairs. It is my job to make sure she is complimented, taken care of and feels sexy. It is my job to ensure her well being in such matters. I ensure she has the financial ability to buy nice things. My wife she handles most of the issues concerning my son. She handles most of the household needs, food and otherwise. She essentially tells me what she wants and needs, and it is my job to ensure she gets them. We discuss things and on issues such as moving, and other large concerns she defers to me (didn't for years), but mostly because she knows that I will do what is best for my family, and not just myself. Being "dominant" is not about telling your wife what to do, it is about putting your family first when making decisions and being willing to take the blame when it does not work. As for your example.... if I understand Basketballaholic right, it isn't about not letting his wife have an opinion. For example in my relationship.... in your car hypothetical, my wife would either not have an opinion, as she would rather not deal with the hassle of getting a new car and would trust what I would decide OR knows I would never get a car that is not best for the family. As far as not tolerating women whining or throwing a fit.... I don't tolerate that from anyone, it took me 30 years to figure it out, but I don't tolerate it from my wife, son, partners and my wife does not accept it from me. Just like I have called her out, she has called me out..... and a REAL man looks at is and learns.
I feel the same way. A highly intelligent chick is challenging. I can sit in the living room, or in bed (or wherever!), and talk about anything with my S.O., everything from state, local, and national politics, all the way to her infatuation with Chandler Parsons. And she can certainly be submissive, but she's choosing to because she sees it as part of a game that brings her pleasure, not because I demand it. We talk over big decisions, and our votes are equal. I could go on, but will stop with this thought. Why wouldn't a guy want a girl as a partner who he sees as an equal, and who views him as an equal? Of course, perhaps we're just talking about pickup trucks. ;-D-
