So I've been dating a girl for four years total, and we broke up in October of 2009 and got back together in March of last year so it's been a little over a year now. The past 5 months have been especially hard on us with me making dumb mistakes. I got upset when she wouldn't want to do anything sexual, got jealous, etc.. I just transferred schools which made my life especially tough not knowing anyone which made me more dependent on her and as a result exasperating the issue. It was also a long distance relationship, but wouldn't have been since we are home this summer. This past weekend I got too drunk which she thinks was selfish, but as a result, I blacked out and didn't remember puking in one of her friends rooms, too add to the issue, one of her other friends told me there was no chance it was me that puked in the kids room. Fast forward to Thursday he tells her that it was me and things hit the fan... I am at a point where I don't know what to do because I was banking on this summer being the one opportunity to have things be the way they should be with me coming back home having family and friends. She is convinced that I am this horrible person, but I don't know how to convince her otherwise.
Don't try to convince her, and move on. p.s. if you're in a relationship with a girl and she decides she doesn't want to have sex, then she's ****ting on you. Time to end the relationship. I know a lot of sensitive nancy-boys will disagree with this, but when you're in a relationship you're essentially depending on one person for sex. If that one person doesn't want sex (with you), then you're being **** on. I would no sooner consent to be in a sexless relationship than most women would consent to be in a relationship without honesty or respect. They're equivalent.
This sounds like a bad situation, but I couldn't really tell because you're OP was very unclear. What is up with the puking in the friend's room gag? She thinks it's you, someone tells you it's not, and this non-clarified "he" tells her that you did in fact puke in "the kid's room"? Wtf, bro? And what is this about you banking on one summer to prove yourself to this girl after dealing with a long-term relationship that involved her not putting out? And this is all after you guys broke up for a year and then got back together? Hey, buddy, sorry to break it to you, but read over your post yourself and tell yourself what you have to do. If you have to repost the story again with some extra details that can change the scenario around a little bit, then do so. But at this point, you need to move on and stop trying to "prove yourself" in the midst of that hell-storm you just tried to convey to us.
So we broke up for five months and things were great from about March of last year to December of last year. And the not putting out thing makes her think I'm selfish. As for the room thing, I puked, one of her friends helped me clean it up. I asked if I puked in ANOTHER kids room and he says no, I assume no. Apparently I did, and the kid who first told both me and HER that it wasn't me goes on to tell her it was me. I would have had no problem claiming responsibility had I known it was me. Basically, things were good, started getting bad with her getting upset about certain things I do, then linking them together and as a result always taking the upper hand and making me feel like I need to make up for something. I however, was willing to get back to the even playing field this summer where I tackled those issues head on. It's difficult being in a long term relationship and not letting issues turn into a piling snow ball.
This doesn't jive with anything that you said. There is nothing you did to explain why "things would hit the fan." I can explain in many ways why a girl will feel compelled to say a bf is a horrible person and I can explain why many guys would say the same thing. point is: It's your summer ...no? s p e c i a l do it. the sooner you forget about this, the better your summer will be. I would apologize profusely if you feel complled to and them move on. I would not think twice about someone who called me a "horrible person" because they generally are just spewing venom at the world...
And it's not just about convincing her, it's about the fact that I honestly would have no problem moving on if I were to deserve it. But now she's bringing up things like she's become too dependent on me and she doesn't know if she'll want to be with me later. Too make it more interesting I'm helping her out this summer for a job she has, so either that'll be good or really bad.
I've already done the apologizing profusely but she feels like I don't deserve another chance. In her head I've ruined a lot of things. Ie - her birthday, I got upset that she picked one of her really good guy friends to help her with something and I've always had a problem with this guy, but for no reason. Point is that I realize my mistakes but at least want a chance to fix them... I get home next week and we've agreed to see each other, and I want to at least try to do something romantic. It seems as this incident has made her forget completely that I am the guy that she's spent 4 years.
Stop lying to yourself. She is not going to listen to your words. move on I didn't say "apologize profusely" as a way to get another chance...I said that to be nice to her and move on.
I just have a very good feeling that she'll be back, and I'd rather cut to the chase and just make it happen now. My words don't mean much to her because of the given situation, but I really want to take some time to prove to her that I'm not a self absorbed immature guy. I'll have plenty of opportunity to do so, I just wish I could some how make her see that a lot of the things I do, she shouldn't take so personally.
You said she stopped putting out. That means she is f!cking another guy. We are trying to be nice. Move on. The only way you can get her back is to ignore her, and let her see you out with another girl. That is the only way she will believe your changed and want you back. But ... I wouldn't want her back if I were you. Those girls suck. You will find better. you asked us. then, trust us. these threads bore me when peeps don't listen...like that one thread I posted about a gf. christ. haha
She sounds loving and forgiving, OP. Definitely a keeper. But in all seriousness, don't keep trying to "prove yourself" to a girl who thinks wanting sex is "selfish". She sure does think a lot of things you do are "selfish", meanwhile she singlehandedly withholds sex and constantly tries to take the upper-hand in arguments while clearly (per this very thread) making you go on guilt trips. No double standard there, huh? If she's so damn sure that you've cocked this all up, then you need to come to terms with it all and get out and move on. If she is still implying that there's a chance for you (which would be very manipulative of her), then refuse to play into her upper-hand and move on still.
The time that I talked about her not hooking up with me was once and it was on her period lol. If she were ****ing another guy, I would know. I am trusting you guys, and I get what you're saying about ignoring her, but I just feel like playing that game is just bull.
I agree with you there but for some reason, I can't stop thinking about the fact that when things are good, it is unbelievably great. I was literally under the impression about 6 months ago that things could NEVER go bad, but I was wrong... We've been doing this for so long, I just want to find the solution. We are so well together when things are good, but when things start getting sour, it seems like for one reason or another, whether it be my reactions or something else, it always happens that way.
^^This. This will especially work if you want to "show her how mature [you are]". Move on. Move on with other people, move on with your life, show her you're not going to fawn over her and that you're not going to feel obligated to prove your worth to her. You should know your worth, and you should be selling that worth at a high price--and that ain't happening if you're constantly playing into her game. By playing her game, you all but PROVE to her that there IS something for you to make up for. Man up and move on.
True, there's no reason I can't enjoy myself without her. I just some how have convinced myself that she's the lynchpin of my life, when that's not really true. If she can't give me the benefit of the doubt on who I am, who's to say I have to give it her?
