David St. Hubbins: I do not, for one, think that the problem was that the band was down. I think that the problem *may* have been, that there was a Stonehenge monument on the stage that was in danger of being *crushed* by a *dwarf*. Alright? That tended to understate the hugeness of the object.
McCrosky:"The fog is getting thicker" Johnny:"and Leon is getting laaaarger" "Striker, listen, and you listen close: flying a plane is no different than riding a bicycle, just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes." "There's no reason to become alarmed, and we hope you'll enjoy the rest of your flight. By the way, is there anyone on board who knows how to fly a plane?" Boy: "Can I ask you a question? " Striker: "What is it? " Boy: "It's an interrogative form of sentence, used to test knowledge. But that's not important right now." "Irony can be pretty ironic sometimes" Prosecutor: "Doctor, can you give the Court your impression of Mr. Striker? " Dr. Stone: "I'm sorry. I don't do impressions. My training is in psychiatry."
I just went to IMDB and realized I need to pop my Spinal Tap DVD in, this stuff still kills me. Marty DiBergi: David St. Hubbins... I must admit I've never heard anybody with that name. David St. Hubbins: It's an unusual name, well, he was an unusual saint, he's not a very well known saint. Marty DiBergi: Oh, there actually is, uh... there was a Saint Hubbins? David St. Hubbins: That's right, yes. Marty DiBergi: What was he the saint of? David St. Hubbins: He was the patron saint of quality footwear. Nigel Tufnel: Well, I suppose I could work in a shop of some kind or... or do um... freelance... selling of some sort of... um... product, you know... Marty DiBergi: A salesman, you think you... Nigel Tufnel: A salesman, like, mabye in a haberdasher, or maybe like a... um, a chapeau shop, or something... you know, like: "Would you... what size do you wear, sir?" and then you answer me. Marty DiBergi: Uh... seven and a quarter. Nigel Tufnel: "I think we have that... ", you see, something like that I could do. Marty DiBergi: Yeah... you think you'd be happy doing something like--- Nigel Tufnel: "No! We're all out, do you wear black?", see, that sort of thing, I think I could probably muster up. Marty DiBergi: Yeah, do you think you'd be happy doing that? Nigel Tufnel: Well, I don't know, wh-wh-what are the hours? Ian Faith: Certainly, in the topsy-turvy world of heavy rock, having a good solid piece of wood in your hand is often useful. [Nigel is playing a soft piece on the piano] Marty DiBergi: It's very pretty. Nigel Tufnel: You know, just simple lines intertwining, you know, very much like - I'm really influenced by Mozart and Bach, and it's sort of in between those, really. It's like a Mach piece, really. It's sort of - Marty DiBergi: What do you call this? Nigel Tufnel: Well, this piece is called "Lick My Love Pump." Mick Shrimpton: As long as there's, you know, sex and drugs, I can do without the rock and roll. David St. Hubbins: We say, "Love your brother." We don't say it really, but - Nigel Tufnel: We don't literally say it. David St. Hubbins: No, we don't say it. Nigel Tufnel: We don't really, actually mean it. David St. Hubbins: No, we don't believe it either, but - Nigel Tufnel: But we're not racists. David St. Hubbins: But that message should be clear. David St. Hubbins: It's such a fine line between stupid, and clever.
"I really enjoy forgetting. When I first come to a place, I notice all the little details. I notice the way the sky looks, the color of white paper, the way people walk, doorknobs, everything. Then I get used to the place and I don’t notice those things any more. So only by forgetting can I see the place again, as it really is."
John Laroche: Then one morning, I woke up and said, "F--k fish!" I renounce fish, I will never set foot in that ocean again. And there hasn't been a time where I have stuck so much as a toe back in that ocean. Susan Orlean: But why? John Laroche: Done with fish.
Do you know what this is? It's the world's smallest violin, playing just for the waitresses. So's working at McDonald's, but you don't feel the need to tip them. They're servin ya food, you should tip em. But no, society says tip these guys over here, but not those guys over there. That's bullsh*t. F*ck all that. Hey, I'm very sorry that the government taxes their tips. That's f*cked up. But that ain't my fault. it would appear that waitresses are just one of the many groups the government f*cks in the ass on a regular basis. You show me a paper says the government shouldn't do that, I'll sign it. Put it to a vote, I'll vote for it. But what I won't do is play ball. And this non- college bullsh*t you're telling me, I got two words for that: "Learn to f*ckin type." Cause if you're expecting me to help out with the rent, you're in for a big f*ckin surprise. Mr. White
I meant best lines, not funniest. But whatever. These always turn into comedic festivals of Monty Python gaiety.
It's time to work on your interviews. My interviews? What do I gotta do? You're gonna have to learn your clichés. You're gonna have to study them, you're gonna have to know them. They're your friends. Write this down: "We gotta play it one day at a time." Got to play... it's pretty boring. 'Course it's boring, that's the point. Write it down.
Tyler Durden: You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your ****ing khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world. Tyler Durden: Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken. Narrator: On a long enough timeline, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. Fight Club- 1999 Gunnery Sergeant Hartman, Drill Instructor: Who said that? Who the **** said that? Who's the slimy little communist ****, tinkle-toed ********** down here who just signed his own death warrant? Nobody, huh? The fairy ****ing godmother said it. Out-****ing-standing. I will PT you all until you ****ing die. I'll PT you until your assholes are sucking buttermilk. [grabs private Cowboy] Door Gunner: Anyone who runs is V.C. Anyone who stands still is well-disciplined V.C. Private Joker: How can you shoot women and children? Door Gunner: Easy... you don't lead 'em so much. [laughs] Door Gunner: Ain't war hell? Full Metal Jacket-1987 Kilgore: You smell that? Do you smell that?... Napalm, son. Nothing else in the world smells like that. I love the smell of napalm in the morning. You know, one time we had a hill bombed, for twelve hours. When it was all over I walked up. We didn't find one of 'em, not one stinkin' dink body. The smell, you know that gasoline smell, the whole hill. Smelled like... victory. Someday this war's gonna end... [Walks off unhappily] Apocalypse Now- 1979 Reporter: What kind of plane is it? Johnny: Oh, it's a big pretty white plane with a red stripes, curtains at the windows, wheels, and it just looks like a big Tylenol. Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit smoking. Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to stop sniffing glue Steve McCroskey: Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines Airplane-1980
You know what you look like to me, with your good bag and your cheap shoes? You look like a rube. A well scrubbed, hustling rube with a little taste. Good nutrition has given you some length of bone, but you're not more than one generation from poor white trash, are you, Agent Starling? And that accent you've tried so desperately to shed? Pure West Virginia. What's your father, dear? Is he a coal miner? Does he stink of the lamp? You know how quickly the boys found you... all those tedious sticky fumblings in the back seats of cars... while you could only dream of getting out... getting anywhere... getting all the way to the FBI.
Classic! That line right there proved without a shadow of a doubt that Keanu Reeves was (and is still) a great actor!
"I'll wake up nice and early tomorrow morning, and take a walk over to the bank. And...if you dont have my money, i'll...split your ****ing head wide open infront of everyone in the bank. And hopefully, by the time im coming out of jail....you'll be coming out of your coma. and guess what? I'll split your ****ing head wide open again......"
Greatest quote ever, from the funniest movie ever. Another favorite of mine: Waiter: Would you like to hear today's specials? Patrick Bateman: Not if you want to keep your spleen.
