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Dude, uncalled for man. Everybody needs a helping hand every once in awhile and everybody can lend one every once in awhile. Spoiler As the 2014-15 NBA campaign winds down, awards season is here. Ladies and gentlemen, it's time to hand out the third-annual HabersTrophies. These are the awards of the modern NBA fan. If you're tired of the same old MVP, Defensive Player of the Year and Coach of the Year debates, I've got you covered. After mining the databases of NBA StatsCube, SportVU player tracking on NBA.com as well as NBAsavant.com, I've come up with the essential statistical superlatives. Who is the NBA's biggest ballhog? Who has improved the most across the season? Who retains the most blocks? Who pads their scoring totals the most in routs? We hand out those awards and much more. Without further ado, here are the 20 HabersTrophies for the 2014-15 season. Most Inconsistent Scorer And the HabersTrophy goes to -- Brandon Jennings Remember that 55-point outburst in his seventh game in the NBA? Five years later, we're still trying to figure out what we're going to get out of Jennings. Before an unfortunate Achilles injury ended Jennings' season in January, his scoring totals were as wild as ever. He averaged 15.4 points on the season, but that included posting a 23.9 points per game average over a nine-game stretch, right after a seven-game span in which he averaged just 4.7 points. This season, no one had a higher coefficient of variance -- fancy stat term that measures wild fluctuations -- with his point totals (minimum 15 points per game). Maybe it's the Josh Smith effect. Or maybe it's just Jennings. Most Consistent Scorer And the HabersTrophy goes to -- Dirk Nowitzki The German Metronome. The 36-year-old scored at least 20 points a game 24 different times this season, but never more than 30. Put another way, 78 players scored more than 30 in a game this season, and Nowitzki wasn't one of them. For someone who averaged 17.2 points per game, it's remarkable that he didn't have a single-digit scoring outing until late February. Nowitzki had the lowest coefficient of variation among all scorers with at least 15 points per game. Not too high, not too low; the man with the golden locks is just right. Most Improved In-Season And the HabersTrophy goes to -- Nerlens Noel For this one, we're looking at improvement in performance efficiency rating from the first half of the season compared to the second half. And no one rose higher than Sixers rookie Noel (plus-7.5), who posted an 11.6 PER in the first half followed by a 19.1 rating in the second. Since March 1, the Eraser is averaging 13.7 points, 10.6 rebounds, 2.3 steals and 2.0 blocks per game on 50.2 percent shooting. Not bad for a 20-year-old coming off an ACL injury. Biggest Decline In-Season And the HabersTrophy goes to -- Kyle Lowry Curse of the Biebs? After the shirtless pop star campaigned for Kyle Lowry's All-Star appearance, the Toronto point guard has watched his season go in the tank. Lowry went from a dominant 22.5 PER in the first half of the season all the way down to a below-average 14.9 rate after the midseason mark, a decline of 7.6 points. The stocky bulldog is shooting a shade under 38 percent since the start of the new year. Yes, he has been sidelined with back issues recently, but his season nosedived well before that (and the Raptors' season along with it). Biggest Loser And the HabersTrophy goes to -- Andrew Wiggins No one has seen a larger deficit on the scoreboard than the No. 1 overall pick. With Wiggins on the floor, the Timberwolves have been outscored by a whopping 482 points this season, giving the Canadian the worst plus-minus rate in the league. Most of that isn't Wiggins' fault; the Pups have been beset by injuries, and coach Flip Saunders has seemingly abandoned 3-pointers altogether. The silver lining for Wiggins? Kevin Durant endured a minus-653 rate in his rookie season back in 2007-08 and won the MVP six seasons later. Best Driver And the HabersTrophy goes to -- James Harden No surprise here. According to SportVU player tracking data, the Rockets average 1.34 points when Harden drives to the basket this season. He's not only the most efficient driver, but he's also one of the most prolific, registering 808 drives so far in the 2014-15 campaign. Consider this: The league-leader in drives, Tyreke Evans, has driven 61 more times than Harden, but the Beard has yielded 161 more points for his team on those slaloms. Best Block Retention Rate And the HabersTrophy goes to -- Serge Ibaka What good is a block if the team gets the ball back and gets another crack at it? Enter block retention rate, provided to ESPN Insider by STATS LLC. Serge Ibaka leads the league in block retention -- blocks that actually turn into steals -- with 69.5 percent of his blocks being recovered by the Thunder (minimum 75 blocks). Anthony Davis sits just below him at 65.6 percent, but still leads the league in true blocks. By the way, the worst at this is Minnesota big man Gorgui Dieng, who has blocked 124 shots with less than half (45.2 percent) retained. Get those stats, Dieng. Most Hockey Assists And the HabersTrophy goes to -- Chris Paul No one was really close in this category, which tracks how many times a player sets up assists for others. It's hard to tell whether this has to do more with having a great passing big man by your side (Blake Griffin), but if you believe Paul is always thinking two steps ahead, this is the stat for you. The Point God has registered 218 hockey assists this season, which is 80 more than the next highest guy on the list (John Wall at 138). Deadliest Open Shooter And the HabersTrophy goes to -- Anthony Morrow The Thunder signed the sharpshooter to a bargain deal this summer ($3.2 million salary) and it paid off in a big way. He's shooting 43.8 percent on 3-pointers, but that soars to a boiling 54 percent when there's no one within five feet of him, according to NBAsavant.com. More amazing: He's shooting 18-of-24 (75 percent) on open 3s in the right corner. There's a reason the Thunder score 113.9 points per 100 possessions when Russell Westbrook plays with Morrow and just 105.9 when he doesn't. Morrow is money. Most Points Per Touch And the HabersTrophy goes to -- Hassan Whiteside From Lebanon to a HabersTrophy. What a difference a year makes. Whiteside scored 0.85 points every time he touched the ball in the halfcourt (excludes defensive rebounds), which was far and away the best rate in the league. Jonas Valanciunas finished second at 0.71 points. Maybe there's a reason Whiteside doesn't get the ball more: He has collected just six assists all season. He wants all of the buckets. Fastest Runner And the HabersTrophy goes to -- Patty Mills For the second straight season, the fastest player in the NBA on average was the Spurs' speedy point guard Patty Mills, clocking in at 4.8 miles per hour. This doesn't necessarily mean that he's hitting the highest top speeds, but he's covering more ground on the NBA court than anybody on a time scale. While Mills can run with just about anybody, Gregg Popovich's offense demands constant movement from his point guard. Mills moves more than anybody. Cory Joseph checks in at No. 2 on the list at 4.7. Biggest Ballhog And the HabersTrophy goes to -- Russell Westbrook and Kobe Bryant Yes, co-winners! According to SportVU player tracking, both Westbrook and Bryant held the ball in their hands for 8.3 seconds on average between passes, marking the longest time(s) of possession in the NBA. Westbrook won this Habbie last season with a 7.9-second rate, and it makes sense that his possession time increased with Durant's injury. Bryant is just holding on, literally and figuratively. Biggest Black Hole And the HabersTrophy goes to -- Shabazz Muhammad A finger injury ended his season in February, but he had a season to remember. Muhammad enjoyed a pseudo-breakout campaign in Minnesota, averaging 13.6 points per game, but he wasn't exactly sharing the rock. He finished the season with 422 passes on 397 field-goal attempts, which is the lowest pass-to-shot ratio in the league (1.05), just beating out Nick Young (1.20) and last year's winner, Klay Thompson (1.38). Most Dribble-Happy And the HabersTrophy goes to -- Chris Paul The Clippers point guard on average dribbled 5.9 times before he shot the ball -- no player pounded the rock more than Paul this season, according to NBAsavant.com tracking. His rate jumped from 5.6 dribbles last season, but injuries to Jamal Crawford probably meant more probing for Paul. Interestingly enough, Paul is slightly better on jumpers off the dribble (47.2 percent) than off the catch (46.2 percent). So, go ahead, probe away. Most Unselfish And the HabersTrophy goes to -- Marvin Williams Williams played hot potato on the wing this season, passing on a league-high 86 percent of his touches, according to SportVU player tracking data. Here's the interesting wrinkle about this Habbie though: Williams' predecessor, Josh McRoberts, won it last season for Charlotte. Is this more about system than subject? Under coach Steve Clifford, Williams' usage rate has fallen to a career-low 13.2 percent, indicating that Williams' role has been more about spacing the floor and quick ball movement than the creator of the pass. Most TD Passes And the HabersTrophy goes to -- Kevin Love Love has thrown an NBA-high 36 touchdown passes this season, which are outlet passes that have come off defensive rebounds that travel at least 20 feet and lead to a fastbreak. (Yes, SportVU tracks that, too.) Love was featured on a mini BIG Number this summer, in which I warned Johnny Manziel that Love might take his quarterback position. I was only half right. Of note: Love tallied 83 touchdown passes last season in Minnesota, but has totaled less than half that this season. He still leads the league in the category but Markieff Morris (28) and Draymond Green (27) are catching up. Most Dependent And the HabersTrophy goes to -- James Jones Two. That's the number of unassisted baskets that Jones has made this season. That's it. Of the 65 baskets that he's drained this season, 63 of them were set up by a teammate. His 96.9 percent assisted rate gives him the highest such rate in the league, just edging out Kyle Korver at 94.9 percent. And one of Jones' unassisted buckets came against the New York Knicks, so it doesn't really count. Most Opportunistic Scorer And the HabersTrophy goes to -- Kobe Bryant Brandon Jennings received this Habbie last season, but it's Bryant's this time around. Bryant scored a remarkable 27 points per 36 minutes during rout scenarios (double-digit margin) and just 17.8 points per 36 minutes in one-possession scenarios (margin within three). Amazingly, he shot just 33.3 percent in the latter scenario when the game was tight. That 9.1-point drop-off is the largest in the league, just ahead of Quincy Acy (9.0). In essence, no one padded their point total more in garbage time than Bryant. Best 4-point Shooter And the HabersTrophy goes to -- D4mi4n Lill4rd. As we highlighted last month, Damian Lillard is the king of 4-point land -- outlined as the area between 28 feet and 33 feet away from the basket. According to NBAsavant.com, he's made 20 "4-pointers," which is as many as the next three leaders combined (Curry with 8; Durant and Aaron Brooks with 6). The league shoots this shot at 21 percent, but Lillard's up to 31 percent. Jamal Crawford, who grabbed this HabersTrophy last season, is shooting just 4-for-23 (17.4 percent), a glaring sign that he isn't healthy. Best Half-court Heaver And the HabersTrophy goes to -- Zach Randolph. Maybe my favorite Habbie every year and Randolph is as deserving as they come. Randolph is the only player in the league to make multiple heaves beyond halfcourt this season. He has shot 2-of-5 (40 percent) from beyond halfcourt, which is actually better than his normal 3-point rate (35.7 percent). I think we've found Memphis' secret weapon for the postseason. Worst Award Name And the HabersTrophy goes to ... HabersTrophy. Because, let's be honest.