Am I the ugly neighbor?

I would have signed but you don't really know her and the only time she took a moment to speak to you was to ask you for a "favor" so I don't see you as the ugly neighbor.

 

You have issues if a female and a little kid can make your adrenaline start pumping. You gotta relax man.

 

You can still visit your neighbor whether you feel bad enough or not.

Impressions aren't unchangible. She might still need a signature.

 

You don't have to sign, but you shouldn't have acted like a coward. You seem...afraid, intimidated, concerned? If you had approached her and took a few seconds to talk it over with her and then say something like "Sorry, but I don't think I would feel comfortable/be qualified to help you out here", then it would be a different situation. From what I read--maybe you were kidding--it seem like you were hiding in the corner of a dark room just trying to get her to go away.

I don't know what the crime rate in your neighborhood is or what you've experienced personally that may have ultimately led you to decide to do what you did, but it was a pretty sad case of "being a neighbor", imo. But, it may have been justified.

Personally, though, I probably wouldn't call 9-1-1 if I saw you lying in the sidewalk. I'm still young, though, and maybe being an older person does this to you.

 

A-hole move really.

 

You have trust issues bro. Mugged, attacked or robbed would be my guess.

 

View the visit as getting to know a neighbor. Tell her you want to help, but you don't know what signing means. If you sound reasonable and interested everything else will take care of itself.

 

This.

Something along the lines of "I'm sorry for my reaction earlier, but you startled me. I talked with a bunch of internet nerds on a basketball forum and reached the conclusion that I didn't act in the most neighborly of fashions, and I'd like to reconsider your offer if it is still available." <--Do this and the ball is back in her court re: whether or not she 'forgives' you or whatever you want to call it. You'll have admitted your initial reaction wasn't the friendliest reaction in the world and you've come hoping to make amends. That's all you can do, really.

And for all of you implying racists undertones, he said quite clearly that he was working in his yard alone when he felt a presence behind him that caused the reaction/adrenaline rush. I'd say that's fairly normal despite the slightly dramatic initial post, so calm down.

 

Racism is a horrible thing.

 

Are you saying you never saw the form? Sentence structure kinda threw me... anyways if so, if you do decide to approach her, the only thing should should feel compelled to do is... BE FRIENDLY IF you find the form requires you to do something you arent comfortable with, its PERFECTLY FINE to say no, as long as you decline to do so in a normal and friendly manner. And no, declining by declaring "I have the right to say NO" is not a courteous manner as you did earlier. I'm guessing when she said to you "I wasnt trying to sell you anything" she was attempting to smooth over the awkward and strange incident that occurred in prior. Responding by telling her in essense "I dont have to" which she alreadys knows you dont, isnt exactly friendly or neighborly. Instead, just say I'd like to help, but I'm srry i cant or I'd like to help but im not comfortable doing that, etc are all perfectly fine ways to politely decline. Personally i think you should knock on her door and smooth things over... greet you neighbor, look over the forms, decline or help her with it politely and move on. Its simple, easier and hopefully then you wont have an awkward tense relationship with your neighbor but a flippant, polite and social one.

You are overthinking the child thing, does it really matter why her child is with her? Shes not trying to sell you anything, she's not begging you for sympathy or compassion or a handout, shes asking if you can be a reference... its not a big deal. Furthermore like some others I find your initial reaction to the sight of her and her child strange... and not because she was black, but because why would your adrenaline and tension rise when u are faced with a mother holding a CHILD and a clipboard??? I'd imagine the sight of the child would calm the senses of danger, threat, alert ect, not heighten them... so imagine if she didnt have a child with her, would your reaction have been worst or better???

 

Tell her she caught you off guard and should have taken a moment to introduce herself, instead of just asking for something right away.

I understand your reaction, and it's up to you whether or not you want to help her out.

Does it seem odd that you would have to sign something? Isn't this the type of info given over the phone by you (neighbor) to the potential employer?

 

Just advise her that she almost got nunchucked, and that she doesn't even realize. Then tell her to bring it in for the real thing and give her a big hug.

 

You wont feel better till you go over there and fix what happened so

 

Give her 80 cents. If she responds appreciatively, sign the paper. If she gives you a weird look, come back here and post.

 

Yeah, I agree with this. I also understand your reaction, ROX. Years ago, when my kids were young (one a toddler and one about 5), we were in my backyard playing. My dog was watching, playing some, and hanging out, like dogs do, having a good time. Everyone is laughing and making some noise, when suddenly I look up and there's this 6 foot-plus, big white dude coming in our back gate. Without me saying a word, my dog goes straight at him, gets in his face, backs him up against the fence, and basically says, "You're messin' with my people over my dead body!" Oh, and he gave his leg a nip. This huge guy was scared half to death and complaining that "Hey! Your dog nipped me!" I stared at him and said, "Yeah, he's a good dog. Who the hell are you?" Over a week before I'd called a tree trimming company to get an estimate on what it would cost to trim the couple of dozen oaks in my yard. They had said they'd come by sometime the next week to give an estimate and would call. Well they didn't call and the guy wasn't wearing a uniform. True story.

I never apologized to the guy. In fact, I told him that he would be well served to bang on the wooden gate and hollar "hello the house!" before just waltzing into someone's back yard, and that he was lucky the dog hadn't taken a chunk out of him. Called the dog off and put him in the house, the guy gave me the estimate, and they ended up trimming my oaks. Moral of the story? Be careful when going onto someone's property.

 

Would it be fair to say you're not used to dealing with black people on a personal basis?

Just seems odd to me that you'd act like that towards a woman who's got her kid by her side. Seems pretty logical to assume she has her kid because she lives close and had to bring him over too. I dont get why you'd be so defensive.

I also ask because i noticed you spelled her kid's name "tray" and i dont think i've ever seen that. The majority of the time it's "trey"...but then again there's plenty of white guys named trey as well. Are you hispanic? Maybe you're not used to anyone who's not hispanic?

And i'm not implying you're racist, but just not used to interacting with other races.

 

Knock on the door apologize for your behavior. Tell her you were just having a bad day and were thinking about a recent arguement that you were still stewing over.

I feel really bad for that lady, that must be nerve racking to have to knock on new neighbor's doors to try and get a job. Then you get up your courage to go and strike up a conversation, she just got right to the point because you made her feel so tense and then her worst fears are realized when you blow her off.

She probably went inside and cried.

No offense you are a bad person and that was a really dick move.