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I actually don't think your reaction is bad as the interweb police have stated in this thread. I don't think you can ever be too careful. Here's why: I had an older lady (late 50's) move in across the street from me. One day she knocks on my door to ask me to help her move some furniture from her garage inside her house. Being neighborly, I oblige. She tells me all about how she has cancer, husband is out of town a lot, can't do much on her own, etc. A couple of days later, she comes back to my house bearing gifts as a way of saying 'thanks'. We invite her in, have a nice visit, she goes home. For the next 2 months, she's at my door like flies on poo. She's constantly trying to get us to invite her in again, to the point where we stop because she was being very invasive and annoying. Fast forward another few weeks....one day I come home from work to 2 police cars in her driveway. I thought she'd passed away or something. She was actually being arrested. Turns out she made a habit of moving into a neighborhood, would scope out homes, then send in some of her buddies to rob people blind. She had quite a history of doing this, according to a cop who lives down the street from me. I had her in my house several times, and there's no telling when my house would have been next. She didn't have cancer. She wasn't married. But she put on a good act. I'm not saying your situation is similar, but my point is that you can never be too careful. Just because they try to appeal to your good nature, it doesn't mean you always have to oblige.
This is why you never ever let people you don't know inside your home. I don't care who it is, my home is my private property. If I don't know you or aren't expecting you, you won't be coming inside. Doesn't matter if its a nice old lady or not. Of course there are exceptions like the cable guy or repair man. ROXRAN's situation was not as imposing as your story.
what's careless about reading the form first and declining and calling the authorities if he thinks it's a scam?
Right, but he felt bad for being defensive. My point is that it's OK to be defensive, especially if you don't know the person.
My take after reading this thread. I can kind of understand your initial reaction. Backyards are generally off limits for strangers to just wander through, but you can't really expect everyone to know that. Some people weren't exposed or introduced to some of these norms. Maybe she grew up in a place where people were less private about their property. Yes, she should have just called out from her yard, and asked if you had a moment to talk and then came over and introduced herself. Still, after your initial surprise you should have handled it better. I think I would have at least tried to talk to her first to verify whether she actually permanently lived in the house. For instance, does she own it? How does she know the owner? How long has she been there? I think you can find out the answer to these questions in a friendly way without directly asking them. I mean, this could actually be your neighbor. Why would you want to start a rift? If what she says sounds fishy then you could have politely declined. If it checked out that she did live there, I also would have read the document before you signed it. I have a hard time believing the reference is simply "I've never heard loud parties." That almost sounds like she was watering the reference down to get someone who knows nothing about her to sign it, but who knows unless you read it. If you can't verify some things being pledged in the document, then once again you could have just politely declined. I totally disagree with those who are saying "just sign the damn paper" without even verifying anything. I mean, would some of you give a reference to a co-worker you never even worked closely with? There could very well be other people who are applying for the job too, who are more deserving and have real references. So yeah, I agree with your hesitance to just blindly sign the paper, but you really went about it the wrong way.
So, if my car breaks down or I need some sort of assistance, I shouldn't wander over to a guy who is doing some gardening and ask for help? I should go to his door and ring the bell and when no one answers, simply walk away?
You could have had a cop friend, man. That's a nice little asset to have for the price of signing anything.
You would wander into someones back yard? For a signature? Now if someone is in grave need of assistance, I can understand.
I hadn't read any of the thread responses, just the OP and some of the first page, but, I wouldn't have signed anything either. It was sort of douchebaguish for someone who doesn't even hold any kind of conversation with me to ask me for a signature and a reference, when we haven't even met or talked about anything in the past. It's odd how she also took her child, to sort of make Mr. Roxran feel guilty if he didn't sign. Maybe after the second time, I would have explained: "look, I didn't feel like I should be listed for a reference when we don't even talk, and..." something like that.
Your 'clarified' comment was that a stranger who surprises someone in their yard was an ###hole. And yes, if I saw a neighbor (even one that I had no relationship or a 'nodding' relationship with) in their unfenced yard and I needed something (signature, question answered, borrow something), and they didn't have a 'no trespassing' sign I would have the audacity to walk into their yard to speak with them, even if they didn't see me coming.
I guess we're going to have to agree to disagree. I would never wander into a stranger's back yard. I feel there needs to be at least that measure of respect.
I just don't see where there is any lack of respect in most circumstances. Obviously if a neighbor is entertaining guests or appears to be relaxing, I wouldn't bother them for anything inconsequential. If they are just out piddling around in the yard I wouldn't hesitate. For example, assume there is some building project that is being proposed in the neighborhood that folks disagree with and a petition is started. I would go throughout the neighborhood to gather signatures and the majority of the people I would be approaching would be 'strangers'. If I see someone in their unfenced yard, I would approach them rather than going to ring their doorbell. I just don't see anything wrong with that.
That's cool if you feel that way. Maybe I am looking at it from the perspective that I don't have an alley and am boxed in. Granted, I have fences, but even if I didn't have fences, for anyone to come into my back yard, they would have to make a more than casual effort to go there. Additionally, I would surely call out to them from the corner of the house and not quietely come up behind them. I'm sure that might have made things a whole lot better.
