Am I strange because I love a girl, but not in a sexual way ?

Enjoy the relationship for what it is -- you seem happy with it and she seems to be getting a lot from it. If it develops, it develops. If it doesn't, hey, at least you got a kick-ass friend. Just be honest with her and with yourself. Good luck, dude!

 

proceed with caution

Don't get clingy or become too availaible.

Be nice, but don't be a doormat...

 

excellent advice.

oh...and by the way, Troy. stop thinking so much. it will get you in to trouble. enjoy the moment. don't worry about what it will be or will not be. i could cite either Jesus Christ or John Mayer for this point.

 

You are a mature adult, if a man can't have a relationship with an attractive female and not want to bone her then...well then...



i can't do this. just feel on her booty and see what she says.

 

Troy - welcome to the world of meaningful relationships. This sounds like a good way to start out (even if you do want her, which I think you do at some level). Since you know her well and respect her, that may keep you from having more... ummm, explicit fantasies about her. Sometimes I think it just helps to put all that attraction stuff in the back of your mind for a while, so as not to drive yourself crazy. (well, that's always been the story of my life anyway)

That ladder business, on the other hand, has got to be one of the most depressing things I've ever read.

 

You think about her during those "private moments", don't you?

 

You don't want anybody else. When you think about her you touch yourself.

 

I've had several girlfriends over the years, and at least 3 who were close enough that, when there was something bad going on, relationship-wise, or otherwise, we would search each other out as someone to talk to about it. They were friends with my girlfriends, and ex-girlfriends, but we did things together without our significant others. One lives in the Pacific Northwest now, so I rarely see her, and another lives in Arizona and is my wife's best friend. The 3rd, I'm out of touch with. We used to go out to clubs together when we were looking to "hook up" with someone for the evening. She was stunning, no two ways about it. We'd dance with each other, drink and just have a great time, until one of us said, "Adios! See ya later!" and left with someone else. Hey, I need to track this chick down. I miss her.

I can think of a couple of times, really loaded and alone together, after talking for hours, that things got a little more "friendly" than we intended, but we would laugh about it the next day. That was a different era than now. Hell, I'm so "from another era" that I probably shouldn't even post in this thread. The mores are so different today.

Anyway, Troy, my experience is that you can be just friends. And, as Max pointed out, if it turns into something more, just deal with it as it happens and see what plays out. Max, to say the least, was pleasantly surprised.

 

Here is something to think about. Currently, you said she doesn't have a boyfriend and the relationship between the two of you has blossomed into a great friendship with unclear sexual implications. While she says she just got out of a serious long-term relationship and doesn't want another, that is no guarantee she won't find another boyfriend.

So, what happens when this girl acquires a boyfriend and it is not you? You think that close relationship you have going on is going to continue? How would you feel then if you were relegated to regular friend status or worse? Chances are her having a "best friend" male and a boyfriend are going to cause some sort of conflict to where she probably withdraws away from your relationship with her to some capacity. Never underestimate the jealousy that can arise from any boyfriend she may obtain in the future and the implications it will have on her male-based relationships. Maybe, it all works out but chances are it will not and your great friendship may suffer to where you become just a regular friend or worse. I doubt her new boyfriend is going to take kindly to her doing things with a "best friend" male who isn't gay unless he is a totally secure, trusting person(aren't we all? cough).

I guess I'm saying you better make up your mind whether you find her sexually attractive and want to pursue her cause this great friendship you have may not last. Maybe pursuing her wrecks the great friendship? But, if you really do want her and you never act on it, then your great friendship may be doomed anyway. While far from a certain scenario, it should be considered.

 

Man don't get me around no hot chic trying to get me into a friend zone. I'm going to try to find out what gets her off and then try to get her naked. That’s just me. She can find some other guy to chat with. Then she can tell her friends "well, so and so is really easy to talk to and he is very sweet but I don't know about him. I think we will be good friends." I want her to be telling her friends like this "jiggadi is an animal that guy don't mess around all he wants is to get me naked and have a good time. I think I'm starting to like him."

 

I've unwillingly become a bit of an expert on this subject. I've had many female friends that I've been attracted to in the past. Most of the early ones ended in very ugly ways, but I've gotten better at it, and I can say it is worth the suffering if the girl is more than just a pretty face to you.

The key to this experiment is being honest with yourself and to control your expectations. Every girl is different, and each one has a different reason for keeping platonic male friends. As long as she's not what I call a "user", you should be okay. I just don't advise making a move until it's completely obvious that this is what she wants. Be yourself, don't treat her any better than the rest of your friends, and you should be cool. Remember, this could open the doors for dating her friends, so don't burn any bridges just because you want something she's not willing to give you.

 

Personally, I have had many relationships with women who I was not romantically involved with. Most of them were with women that I dated once and broke off the romantic component for one reason or another, but kept the friendship going because we had many things in common. In my experience, these things can morph into other types of relationships, but if that is what you want, I would counsel you to be honest with her about it, even if it is just to say "I know you don't want a serious relationship, but friends with benefits sounds good."

The best thing you can do is just enjoy your relationship. Further, try not to worry about "ruining the friendship" if circumstances change and you become romantically involved. If the friendship is worth keeping, being romantically involved cannot change that (unless you are a prick to women you date, a problem I never had).

 

Sage advice. This falls under the "friends with benefits" heading for me. If she is willing to hook you up with her friends, that is a resource that cannot be ignored.

 

I have never had a relationship with an attractive women in which I didnt want to sleep with her. I have had several "friendships" with women who I didnt find attractive, but if a women is good looking I cant help but to think what it might be like to be with her.

 

Dude....if you need a friend get a dogg. Women were put here on this earth strictly for our leisure and also as a vehicle for procreation. Don't try and fight nature my man. Follow our fellow poster Jiggadi. The boy be comin correct.

 

I am actually just starting now to become good friends with a pretty attractive girl. She's nice, smart, reasonanly sane and doesn't have any major flaws but I just don't find myself attracted to her at all, mainly because it would be weird since I have known her and her family for a long time. We were talking the other night and she confessed to me she has a huge crush on my best friend, which didn't faze me in the least bit. I Guess maybe even girls can fall into the friend zone.

 

LOL! I dare you to say that to a girl and see what happens.

 

My weirdest situation like this. I fell for a girl who had short hair. I totally fell for her personality. And then my attraction grew really fast. I was blinded by it, but came to back to reality at the following circumstance. I kept her picture next to my bed. My sister sees the picture from a distance one day and goes, "whos is that? is that a boy!?"

Crap man. I had to explain that it was a girl and not a boy. Then bring her aound for display and ****.

It was at that exact point that I realized this was the first girl I had fallen for who was not attractive externally. In my own head I thought she was hot. But you can trick yourself into anything. So I sumped her. Just kidding man. But it never did work out.

 

This is so true. I fell for this girl who had a very large nose. The thing is, I'm a breast man, and her breasts were way bigger than her nose. We became friends, and very soon after her nose just looked normal to me. So I'd talk about my hot friend is to the guys, and my guy friends would finally meet her and say, "woah, her nose is huge!". And I'd be like, "did you see the rest of her? C'mon!".

Attraction is a fickle beast.

 

Don't let your friends tell you who is attractive and who is not. Different people are attracted to different things. Even on the superficial level, some are more about the face and some are more about the body - and different people like different body types. Of course, hopefully, as you mature, the physical stuff will matter less and less, and the attraction will happen <i>after</i> you get to know someone.

Besides, if everyone liked the same type of girl as their friends did, then there wouldn't be enough of that type of girl to go around. You just might not get one.