This. If you didn't like her, didn't have some emotions toward her, you wouldn't be asking her on dates after knowing her for 10 YEARS. Grow a pair and kiss her - stop trying to convince yourself that you need to build this crescendo of emotion before you ever make a move. You could get run over by a truck tomorrow. Stop placing arbitrary constraints on your life and live in the now.
You're still not explaining why it takes so long to build an emotional connection to women. Even the people that normally wait for a kiss, sex, or foreplay have emotional connections much more quickly, but they make a conscious decision to not be physical about it. How do you develop emotion for for foreplay and then need another year to develop more emotions for actual sex? I can understand a large gap between kissing and anything sexual, but from foreplay to sex? You see each other naked and mess around, but now you have to wait a year for more? There has to be an underlying psychological issue with you and I can't imagine many women, if any, will be happy with that process. Or maybe you're just trolling us.
Gatsby, I respect your reticence, but I have to give you a warning. Someday, maybe decades from now, you could find yourself regretting not kissing the girl that night. As some said, you may not get that chance again. And without kissing her, how can you know how she feels? Heck, how can you know, truly, how you feel? It's a kiss. It isn't getting between the sheets. Let me illustrate what I mean with a personal anecdote. I still remember not kissing a girl 40 years ago at a moment that was literally perfect. Stuck under the eaves of a building in Amsterdam built in the 1500's, at night in the pouring rain. I looked at her, she was looking at me, we'd been out for beers, having met that evening, and for some stupid reason, I hesitated. The moment passed, and I found out the next day that she was leaving on a flight from Schiphol, Amsterdam's airport, making her way back to Australia after being in Europe for about a year. I went with her to see her off, and kissed her before she had to board. You know what? She looked at me and said, "I wish you'd done that last night. I would have changed my flight." It's just a kiss, man. It isn't D-Day, it isn't the Charge of the Light Brigade. It's a kiss, and a kiss can tell both of you a lot that you need to know. 40 years ago, and every once in a very long while I do remember that moment, and remember it with regret. I'm not the least bit shy, and don't know why I didn't do something I'd done several times, before and since, on the same 6 month trip. She was beautiful. I met an even more beautiful girl a few weeks later from Haarlem, a small city not far from A'dam, and fell in love. Met her in the rain, in fact, after a free concert in the park by Pink Floyd was cancelled due to the downpour, and I was returning on a tram to the city center, as was she. Maybe the whole thing was fate. Who knows, but that bit of regret remains. Just some food for thought and, of course, you made me recall it again, dammit.
you need to be like this guy...Black Dynamite movie: <iframe width="560" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/oQx5lYQazqk" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>
Dude. Just now saw this thread, but I'm glad you have some rules and some standards, and especially that you don't just jump into the physical contact and run immediately around the "bases". As a lady, I will only consider guys who don't want to go too far, too fast. 1) I have standards of my own, 2) you want to weed out the guys who are just looking to get into your pants and not a relationship, and 3) honestly, it feels gross and weird to be doing much with someone you're not mentally/emotionally close to yet. At least for me it does. Your mileage may vary, but it's good to know there are guys out there who are gentlemen and don't go too far, too fast. Even if one lady doesn't appreciate it, there are many who would.
1.5 years for sex is too much, for me its usually 3-4 months for sex. what if the girl asks you for a kiss before 3 months, or ask for sex like for the 1-year anniversary? would you accept?
his performance is obviously lackluster so he has to build some sort of seemingly logical barrier to delay the inevitable realization from his significant other.
Why in the world would you want to ask us this? Do as you like. Do what pleases you. Either you want to be judged or you might feel extremely insecure otherwise keep your private preferences for yourself. If you really feel like something is odd, then mix things up..... Who says you have to be one dimensional for the rest of your life. You might have problems to open up quickly but that does not mean you can't. Again you say you are comfortable with the dating process, why in the world would you want to share with us when there is no problem? Problem might be those girls' human urges, maybe? Why did it not work out for marriage or long partnership beyond 5 years?
It doesn't take me long to build an emotional connection to a woman. In this particular case, I'll be the first to say I'm falling quite quickly and have sincerely strong feelings and emotions. And physical desires that I want to happen. But it's a conscious decsion to not be physical until things progress. It's that I want each progression in the relationship to be meaningful. I've only kissed a handful of women and was dating them when it happened. And the oral group is smaller, and the sex group is much smaller. I don't date to date. I date to find my wife. I look at kissing as a culmination of emotional feelings as a "I feel strongly and want to be exclusive." I look at sexual activity as "Now that I can see us together for many years and we're comfortable, I want to explore you." And I look at sex as "Now that I can see you as my wife (and hope that happens), I want to connect physically and emotionally." So there's my explanation. Not every woman understands it, but I've found the ones who do are the best of the best.
Thanks, Deckard, for the thoughts and sharing your personal stories. These stories are the type of stuff I was hoping to hear from and learn from. I'm really going to try to internalize that and think through it.
After seeing that picture, no way in hell you're not gay. If she was a four with a huge inheritance coming, then yeah it's understandable. But she's a smokeshow. Seal the deal.
Honestly Gatsby - IMO you're only setting yourself up to potentially lose more chances at potentially finding that special 'one'. Love comes from areas you least expect it, so setting these high parameters - essentially you're chasing away majority of the female population. I mean just because a girl doesn't want to wait a year and a half to have sex - you believe it wouldn't work out in the long run??? You say you've found girls who share your same mindset (and forgive me if you've already discussed this) but have you even came across a girl who's buckled down for the long haul and reached that year 1/2 mark??? Women have needs, wants and desires just as much, if not more than men. I severely doubt this beautiful girl you're showing off honestly has the same mind set as you as geez.. that mind set must be only 4% of the population (scientific fact, source: my mind). There's GOING to be a day where you meet someone you feel is the perfect one and their GOING to want to test drive the car before purchasing and they're NOT going to want to keep the car in the lot for over a year as they'll have places they NEED to go to sustain a happy life. I only fear you're pigeon-holing yourself into unattainable expectations, which in the long run will give ample amounts of missed opportunities. Most of my happily married friends have some of the most contrasting personalities. Goofy party guy looking for a (loyal) wild girl who knows how to have a good time suddenly has his feelings usurped by the most straight laced, bland character in Houston, TX - but they've been together for 6 years and now married. If you told him of his wife before they met, he'd scoff at the idea. But he kept an open mind, let down his high standards and unexpectedly got swept off his feet. Some women don't speak through truth - they speak through feeling. If this wonderful lass is aware of your expectations and claims she's fine with it, she may honestly feel like she thinks it could work but don't be surprised when those feelings change and she's missing that special sort of 'touch'. Then that feeling of lack of touch begins to outweigh the will power to last another 9 months until y'all reach that 'Sexy Time' date you marked on the calendar. Maybe in high school... but no way here in the real world. I'm not saying you won't be able to find a girl to wait that long - I'm saying you're short changing yourself by passing up all of the other potentials who want a normal average sex life with the one they love.
If you waited a year to have sex with someone she probably is having sex with someone else in the meantime while waiting for you. is 2013 not 1983
you are a true gentleman caller. I, on the other hand, like to follow the james bond code. Bang the girl first, chase the villain second and worry about the std like never. (now back to my WoW internet game)
