"All Men Beat their Wives"

India, smh.

'All men beat their wives, one day you will do the same'

In some communities in India boys as young as eight believe that violence against women is acceptable. Now workshops run by a local NGO are helping to end 'eve-teasing'

"Girls are so foolish and silly, they have to be beaten so they can get some good ideas in their brains. My father and older brothers all say this. Now I have find out if my father is right or wrong," says eight year-old Sujan Singh, in Rampur village, Uttar Pradesh during a Jagriti Youth training workshop on gender equality. He added that he was confused because his mother and sisters say: "all men beat their wives, one day you will do the same, it's what men do to be manly".

We begin Jagriti Youth workshops with the 10 to 21 year-old boys and girls talking about how they are treated at home. "I don't really want to beat women, or harass them but we can't say it because then I am teased a lot," says one boy. The other boys begin clapping in agreement. "That's a lame excuse," says Rita Kumari. The atmosphere in the room is charged but, unless absolutely necessary, the trainers don't intervene.



Constructions of masculinity and femininity through the ages – now reinforced through popular culture – are not disabled merely because girls are empowered. In Bihar and Uttar Pradesh where masculinity meets empowerment, new pathways for change emerge.

"I want to tell you what 'eve teasing' really feels like," says Rita. In the village classroom, everyone strains to see and hear the petite girl. "You think its fun? You are killing us, our dreams and our rights". Animatedly, Rita explains how sexual harassment, often tolerated, corrodes girls' self confidence and in extreme cases causes girls to drop out of school. A boy jumps to his feet and says agitatedly: "if you girls hate our teasing so much why can't you do something about it? Speak up, say something!" The girls reply: "and get beaten in public? No way!". Some boys grow quieter, others more vocal as a current of anger pulses through the room. "We are not monsters," says a boy mockingly. "We are not going to always take the blame." The trainers sense a teachable moment and step in.

For Jagriti Youth, finding boys to participate in training and discussions is never a challenge. Like Sujan, they desperately seek accurate information and are willing to invest – our workshop on ending violence against girls and women sold out with more boys paying the fees than girls.

Workshops often play out the same way – everyday sexism and violence shapes boys' thinking and actions, across class race and geography, there is a fundamental belief that females are inferior. Pernicious stereotypes aside, boys often tell us: "We don't understand girls so we do what other boys do because it's easier."

The epidemic of gendered violence, discrimination and harassment – from wife beating (which 54% of Indian men believe in acceptable according to a Unicef 2012 report) to child marriages (47% of Indian girls are married before the age of 18) – demands we work to change male attitudes and behaviors. "What use," says Amit Kumar, a youth leader, "if you keep blaming boys for all the problems and do not train us to think differently?"

At Jagriti, we see the impact of a discourse describing boys as wicked perpetrators and girls as victims and question how to break this gross generalisation. Although Men Engage, Promundo, MenCare and other initiatives are engaging men and boys, a systematic approach is necessary for gender equality and securing female rights. Here's why.

First, enabling boys to change their attitudes and behaviours accelerates gender equality, empowered boys working together with girls hasten norm change and crack stereotypes. By understanding the consequences of their actions boys are often motivated to develop vital skills for managing relationships. In post-workshop assessments 87% of boys said Rita's narrative was "altering how I thought about eve teasing". In other workshops, boys were shocked by listening to girls' narratives and worked to find and adopt solutions.

Second, boys are far more likely to change attitudes through male peer pressure than being approached "or harassed" as boys commonly say "by every girl". At Jagriti we find informal boys peer groups before, during and after workshops extends commitment to change, and to educate other boys. Enabling boys to explore oppressive concepts of masculinity with their male peers is welcomed by both sexes, girls often say "don't put the burden on us alone to convince boys".

Third, engaging boys also impacts gender stereotypes and power dynamics at community level. Tactically, positioning boys as role models in preventing, stopping and ultimately ending harmful practices can have positive outcomes. We've heard from parents: "my son agrees girls should be respected" and "our son made us realise my daughter is as precious as my son". Jagriti community assessments consistently show changes in attitude and behaviour are greater among boys when we reach out to together with girls.

Increasingly the global community is responding; delegates from a wide spectrum of organisations and governments at the 58th Session of the UN Commission on Women talked about investing in boys to change gender roles.

I founded Jagriti Youth as a platform for unmarried girls and boys to have a voice and choice to lead change in their communities and their world. India has 243 million young people aged 10 to 19. Imagine if boys in the next generations honour girls and women's rights. "We have to change together, " said a 14-year-old boy in a workshop, "because if you only change one half of the equation, won't you get half the result?"

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