Yeah, I've actually been doing that already, being calm... which is actually kinda my defining characteristic in real life (I know all you Michael Jordan supporters are never gonna believe that, but it's the truth lol). Know what she said to me right before she told me all this stuff? I quote: "It's amazing how you never get angry at anyone. You calm me down. I was so much more angry before I met you." And I hadn't said anything to prompt her to say that... she just did. It really caught me by surprise, in a pleasant kinda way. And the fact that I so rarely get angry is of course the reason I started this thread... because I suck at being angry from lack of practice. And Isabel, thanks... I'm flattered.
I think you are just scared that her being screwed up will ruin your relationship. Listen to this guy.
I think you must've been itching for a Yoda reference for about a month, because that's quite a reach given what I've said.
Yeah I didnt even really read the thread, I just saw anger and heard the green guy saying anger leads to suffering. You cant really leave out the first part of the quote so I had to massage the situation a little bit.
drexlerfan22....what you wrote about her actions and what you've done with her and how she just now told you all this stuff seriously reminds me of myself this time last year!! i was really iffy about the dating him thing b/c i was scared but gave him enough attention to let him know i wanted him there and liked him. he was patient with the whole "where are we in our rltnship" thing. i confided in him abt my previous unhealthy rltnship and it's been good since then, esp for him to understand where i'm coming from. i'm so happy for you! hopefully in a yr, you'll be where i am now, very happy. i think you're doing the right thing. (for a second there, i thought i was dating you and it was a year ago!) i'm glad there are other great guys out there!! whenever my ex called (which i never picked up the phone), my bf would get upset but keep quiet about it. if he started getting angry, it would've scared me. but he kept cool and that'll mean a lot to her if you did that.
Wow... thanks a lot, really. That makes me feel quite a bit better, knowing that these kinda things can work out.
yup, just keep being patient and let her talk to you about her feelings and at the same time, show her what a real relationship is like. from her pt of view, she's scared so you have to build the trust. she'll come around. keep us posted.
I dated a girl in college who had been abused by her stepdad when she was much younger. She and I got along great, but she had really deep, serious mental and emotional issues. I was very caring and understanding with her and we had a great time for a while. As the relationship developed and the more I grew to learn about her, the more I realized how very damaged she was. Beyond repair. I realized that it was inevitable that, at very serious levels, she would have barriers between her and anyone who tried to get close. I ended up leaving her (as politely as possible). I don't know if she ever hooked up with another guy, but I seriously doubt if she could ever have a healthy sexual relationship with anyone. She's the first and only person I've ever met that I truly felt would never recover from abuse.
Sorry to float an old thread up from the depths... but you said "keep us posted," and this topic is on the brain right at the moment... So, two small but noteworthy pieces of news here. First, although she's a very private person, she told me last night that at this point she really trusts me and that she's really starting to work out some of this trauma in her head. I haven't pressured her at all, and she's eternally grateful for that, she says. Secondly, the ******* ex of hers that was the original inspiration for this thread has been pining after her on and off. He's clearly still hung up on her, and he's very, very angsty about being single. It's been fun to watch him squirm. In general, this relationship really couldn't be going any better right at the moment. I'm just happy.
I'd say the best thing is to quit talking about her past. The past is the past, she should do her best to let it go, forget about it and start fresh with you. She shouldn't bring in past problems into your relationship. You don't need to know all these things, if so, then it will constantly linger in your mind and cause angst (hence the reason for you even to start your week of this way by starting a thread talking about destroying something). Like Isabel said, just treat her well and with respect. But i'll add to that. Not so well that you let her walk all over you especially not this early in your relationship. Don't forget to be a man. Don't be surprised if she goes back to this jerk. I've seen it happen too many times. On and off again relationships, he realizes she is with someone and happy, he comes back saying he's changed and that he loves her, she falls for it thinking she can heal her past scars by going back and reconciling things with him and then its still an on again off again thing once again behind the scenes while shes dating you. Good Luck.
Tell her to go have one last fling with her ex to get it out of her system, then she can be all for you. Just kidding dude, don't post that the girl is going to have sex with you, on a BBS site, she would be just as untrusting of you.... Be a man....kiss....and DON'T tell. DD
Glad it is going well for you, DrexlerFan. Just be careful in giving your heart too soon. Like droxford, I had a relationship with a very high-maintenance, drama always going on type woman. Of course, I thought I was in love but I realized that I had been nothing more than a fool. But that was 7 years ago and not all women who have issues (she was supposed to get married and her fiancee backed out) will be like this. If she really trusts you, then that is definitely a great step! And nothing helps more for me in blowing off anger than doing a set of 225 on the bench or running 3 miles. Good luck.
glad to hear it drexlerfan22!! hang in there! i know these guys are warning you of what could happen b/c they don't want you to get hurt. but remember my story of being happy with the new, trusting, stable guy. i haven't looked back yet and happier everyday.
