The relationship has to be more than sex... but it sounds like you may not have even kept close in that area... Usually, over sexing, and not enough appreciation for the individual is the cause of a strained relationship... All that said - and not even sure if it applies at all- let me get to the advice part... You must "court" even after the marriage. She must know you love her... she must see affection, feel affection... She must be cherished. Date again... date her again. I know it's hindsight, and trust me, I am NOT trying to sound smug or over simplify this... But you must "re-court" her... You must remind her why you fell in love... why she fell in love with you. Romance her. Be spontaneous. Put the "perks" out of the picture... begin again... as if you have just met her... Re-learn her. Vocalize what makes you love her. Actually, I'd suggest this to any man or woman... "rut" or not. Always, always, always re-appreciate one another. There is a reason you fell in love and were married. I applaud your determination to fight for that reason... but there is going to be work... More power to you.
I was about to ask the same thing. I consider this bbs like a virtual family and value the advice of many of the posters here.
plenty of good reasons.. I posted one.. my question is... why are some people so amazed in disbelief at someone 'freaking out' at the idea of someone asking for advice on a forum..?
Mogrod, I couldn't be more sincere with what I'm about to tell you, I hope you take it that way. Divorce never. Murder, maybe. Damn the myspace revolution.
I'm not sure that I would recommend murder on a BBS (or anywhere else). That is horrendously bad advice.
I've never seen situations like this that don't get ugly. As others have said, cover yourself with copies of incriminating behavior. I'm sorry that you are gettting hosed, but don't let your love for her make the hosing worse. Don't get taken advantage of, you know? Think about your son. That's the emphasis.
Before we were married, my wife and had split up for a while. Mostly it was because of my desire to make sure I was ready to settle down (and there was this chick I wanted to boink and I didn't want to do anything dishonest, so splitting up seemed like a good idea at the time). After several months, I realized I was being stupid and was lucky enough to have a chick that decided she still loved me, although she had guys beating down her door. That was 30 years ago. We're still happily married, with two great kids. It happens.
While counseling is a choice that I would make (and have made before) before making the final desicion, it looks like her mind has been made up. The one thing that you can continue to do is raise your son. It will be difficult in the beginning but you can still be there for him. I dont know what your thoughts and feelings are but it sounds like your son is the main priority that youre thinking about right now. Which is ok. People do grow apart.............but they can also fall back in love. Good Luck man. That boy can still grow up to be a good man.
id break it down to the wife like this: 1) if she is willing to work it out, she needs to cut off all contact and then tell her parents and your parents what was going on. then yall seek couseling. 2) if she want to continue seeing this guy then you need to do whats in the best interest of your kid. take custody of him. print out those myspace pages. get a separation. i would advise against divorce for the sake of your kid. but from what you said about your wife, it seems as if she already has her mind made up. id definately tell your parents and her parents so yall can make a family effort to get your wifes head on straight. if she still wants out then you get the divorce and take custody of your kid. good luck.
I would agree if they didnt have a young child to drag through this. They have to look beyond themselves and do whats best for him. His happiness is #1.
I'm sorry if the sounds harsh, but it sounds like she's not in love with you anymore. Time to move on.
I agree, she loves you, but shes not IN love with you. The seed has already been planted in her head by this other guy and it will stay there forever until she sees what could be. Even if she stays with you, she will have that thought in her head. You can tell shes not being logical about it (the guy is clearly a backstabber). It's lust for him combined with the past history they had and the troubles you two have currently been going through. The fact that she has already kissed him behind your back should say it all. Its time to move on and try and figure out whats best for your son. Put yourself in an outsider looking ins shoes. Husband hates guy < Wife kisses said guy < Wife asks for divorce I know its hard but, you have to see that that is not love. Youre just caught in the emotion of it all and by having her around for so many years shes become a part of you so letting go is hard to do. Time will heal all wounds, just love your son with all your heart and be there for him no matter what, try and replace the void left by losing her with the love you have for your son.
i completely agree...this is what i read too (being a girl, i know how manipulative we can be). i wish you all the best.
I take it you don't have kids, when you have children you will realize money & looking out for #1 are <<<<< the child. But I don't think he has to stay with the wife to propery take care of and raise his son.
I am amazed by people who can forgive physical infidelity. If my wife was kissing on another dude I couldn't forgive. Well I could forgive after the divorce.
