Moving on doesn't have to be a permanent thing. After some time apart, he may realize that she really is the only girl that can make him happy, and maybe she'll feel the same way about him. Maybe not... But for the time being, I think it would be best to at least get a separation and see where things go from there. He should go meet other people and see what they have to offer. He hasn't done that in nearly 9 years, and I'm sure what he's looking for in a woman is at least a little different now than it was. I wasn't in a 7 year marriage, but the girlfriend I had before my current one pulled a similar stunt on me after we had discussed marriage, kids, etc. It broke my heart, but I forgave her. Then I stuck around just long enough for it to happen again. So I moved on, and at first it was painful because I thought she was "the one". Then when I had been distanced from her for long enough, I was able to truly realize that she treated me badly because that's the kind of person she is, and I didn't want any part of it. I knew I deserved better, but I didn't know until I stepped back for a while ("moved on"). Now I have a girlfriend that makes me so much happier than I ever was with that ex that cheated on me, and it's like a blessing that things broke down with her when they did.
the former sounds more like a product of wishful thinking... and hollywood.. do you know anyone.. personally.. that has had that happen to them..? because i sure haven't..
but the man leaves out so much.. i have a hard time believing that "it just works out that way" with this "move on, if she comes back, and you still have feelings.. groovy" approach...
I don't see what's so hard to believe. The way I see it, if they stay together then they may never know if they're just perpetually plugging leaks in a sinking ship. If they take some time apart, see what else is out there, and realize that they were taking each other for granted and that they really were happier together, then that's great. Not saying it's likely, but I think it gives them the best shot at gaining proper perspective and truly evaluating how they feel. If it works, it works. If it doesn't, then they know for sure.
Why do some people freak out when someone asks for advice on this site? Especially when it's a long time member.
don't get me wrong.. i'm not 'for' them sticking it out.. it's just the approach you're suggesting.. to leaving.. is what I have a bit of trouble understanding.. perhaps it's just one of those things where it entirely depends on the person.. i don't know.. "we moved on, but whoops, not entirely i guess.. boy are our faces red.. guess we were meant for eachother.. and now we're back together after all this time.." the inbetween of that scenerio.. leaves a lot of things.. that just don't add up all that well.. and the start and the end around it.. seems a bit too... 'dream a little dream'.. all together.. it just wraps up in the most questionable way.. for me.. at least.. gives me that "something is not quite right here.." feeling.. but as i said.. maybe its just me.. another approach i have trouble understanding.. in the whole "moving on" aspect of ending relationships.. is how some feel sex with someone else.. somehow makes them feel they've officially "moved on".. and the quicker the better.. or that.. all can be forgotten with a few casual romps.. and I do known people personally.. that have gone about it this way.. always amazes me.. but yes.. i've rambled..
because as long as you don't know all people involved in the matter personally.. there really is no way to disect the situation accurately.. in order to give appropriate.. adequate.. otherwise.. truly beneficial advice.. so it's not all that unreasonable for someone to find it.. odd.. to seek personal advice.. on a forum.. with what are.. strangers.. no matter the length of attendance.. unless you've hung out and truly talked with the person in a personal basis for reasonable while.. as well as the other party involved.. well.. you asked..
Sometimes it can be good to get advice from a stranger. They don't hold anything back and sometimes tell you what you need to hear, without worrying about hurting your feelings.
Ding ding ding. That's a huge reason that internet message boards tend to be such cruel and rude places. Sure there's a lot of immature bullying and ***** talking, but a lot of the time people are just telling the truth.
but when that's applied to the "truth".. of relationships.. it doesn't hold much water.. when you really don't know these people.. the truth hurts more comming from a friend for a reason..
first off, I give major props to mogrod and any other poster that ask for advice on here, I personally can't see myself doing it, I the person that takes it to a personal approach and talk to the people I know. Sorry to hear what your going through mogrod, I think its a messier situation with your son, but in all honesty, do what you want to do and have no regrets, whether is the right thing to do or not, you can't blame yourself for not trying what you wanted to do in your own terms, not somebody else's. I'd say a bit more, but most of it has already been said. good luck, and wish you the best
Those first serious relationships that happen in the mid to late teens can sometimes play out really weird. It's like they stay in the back of your brain no matter what happens later. She has taken that and built up this romantic notion of this dude while probably seeking to recapture some youth at the same time. But remember, they have only seen the best of each other. They haven't had to take care of each other when one or both is sick and throwing up. Haven't had to deal with money issues or family emergencies or a sick kid together. They probably eat at restaurants and don't have to clean up after each other... the list goes on. Their relationship is as good as it's ever going to be because they share "secrets" about the other spouse and they only allow their "good" side to show. What will they talk about when they only have each other? Affairs are almost always based on lies to yourself and a strong dismissal of reality. And they almost always fail from a long-term relationship standpoint. My guess is that he's not really going to leave his wife and your wife will eventually be left literally in No Man's Land. At that point you can open your arms or serve her the papers. Of course, I could be very wrong, so my advice is to start preparing for the legal while giving her the option of coming back. Doesn't sound like she's an affair kind of gal. Probably just remnant teen issues about this guy. I suspect that if you both can somehow make it through this period you'll be golden. In the meantime, be an excellent dad. Good luck.
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Start going to church together. I don't see my marriage lasting without at least having a solid spiritual foundation with my wife. I'm striving with my wife to have that in our young marraige. You may connect on a deeper level and have something to fall back on during tough times. When you don't have that in your life, that 'void' that you have gets filled with something and it sounds like in her case, she saught another man. I wish you the best.
I'm really sorry to hear that Mogrod and I hope you can work things out. Having never been divorced or married for that matter I can't offer you any advice.
Really sorry to hear. Im too young to give you advice but I would go see a lawyer. That's probably the best thing you could do. I hope I don't see a news story later this week "Husband Kills wife after Cheating" and if you do decide to do that, don't reply to this message. Change your ip address.. etc lol j/k but yeah, get custody of your kid. Good luck 2 ya.
